New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login226294 questions, 984054 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I got my friend's wife pregnant, now he's coming home from military duty!!!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 November 2009) 13 Answers - (Newest, 24 December 2009)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Ok, so i have a problem, I'm in a huge dilemna. I've been sleeping with my friends wife who is at the moment in iraq. (He's a soldier) he comes back in 1 week. They've only been married for about a year, right before he got deployed they got married. So I have a few concerns with this. I'm in love with her and i don't want to stop seeing her. I think she just uses me for sex though. I know that i've been in relationships that were just based on sex (one night stands etc) but i've never felt this way before. i thought it was different.

I've never been a player or anything don't get me wrong but I do have certain qualites that women are attracted to and i usually don't have a problem getting with someone I want to. This girl was a total mistake and I've fallin for her. I've never felt this way about 1 girl. ever. ever.

Now the kicker is, she is 2 weeks late and 2 at home pregnacy tests confirm she is pregnant. She thinks it no big deal since he'll be home next week and she'll have unprotected sex the first night and say she got pregnant then but I don't know if i can sit there idle while someone raises my child? Should i come clean and tell him even though she says she wants to work through this marriage and the only reason she had an affair with me is because she was lonely? I don't know what to do.

View related questions: affair, friend's wife, military, player, unprotected sex

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, Davethegamer United States +, writes (24 December 2009):

wow thats wrong to me, get it aborted and ditch him and her friendship to be short and harsh for less stress, if they cant forgive u

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, ThusCapulet United States +, writes (22 December 2009):

One day the truth will come out whether you want it to or not. I think marriage is stupid, but you need to boss-up and confront your friend. Don't be a pussy...be a man. He is probably going to want to fight you. And for the girl remember this saying..."the way you find em is the way you loose em".

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, rose the relationship solver United Kingdom +, writes (21 November 2009):

rose the relationship solver agony auntwhile the cats away the mice will play, you have to do wat is best for the baby, and even if u do love this woman ur loyality lies with your friend...he will find out sooner or later because if the child is yours when its born it wont have any of his fetures. mainy ur and its mums.

i know this coz i have a kid too but i didnt cheat, i have a frend that did and her kid looks nothing like the guy she calls the father, i know the father.....my ex.......

you made a mistake and you will have to deal with the consequences...aint you ever heard of a thing called contreception. good luck with the out come x if you need to talk just private message me k x

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Your friend Australia +, writes (21 November 2009):

Your friend agony auntI wouldn't worry about being around the child as it grows up I'd be worried about staying alive when he finds out.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009):

You have several choices here, but I can tell you the worst one possible: Keeping the affair a secret from your friend and letting him think the child is his.

The fact that this is what this woman wants to do to him should tell you all you need to know about her. Maybe she's fun for you in the sack right now, but as a wife she is about as backstabbing as is humanly possible.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, A1exander123 United Kingdom +, writes (20 November 2009):

I think you should tell the truth (on the other hand, im gonna join the Army one day, and if i were to come back and hear about my friend sleeping with my wife, i'd knock the f*ck outta him) just saying...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009):

If you consider yourself a "friend" at all (and I don't know how you can after sleeping with his wife and getting her pregnant) then you owe it to this man to tell him. He deserves to know the truth about his wife, frankly he deserves someone better. And you deserve to be able to raise your own child.

It is a horrible problem for you to have to deal with- but if you were willing to have an affair in the first place you have to be willing to come clean.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

to the male reader who wrote anonymously. Very funny.. made me laugh

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009):

Just suppose that you masturbated and an unknown woman somewhere took some sperm to have a child. It is your child but you will never know.

Leave that bitch and find someone honest.

It's the best option, trust me.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Accountable United Kingdom +, writes (20 November 2009):

Accountable agony auntWell what started as a "strictly sex thing" has turned into a parenthood thing, and you cant turn your back on that child, regardless of whether you two get into a relationship or not. Personally I wouldnt be at all surprised if she and her husband made another go of things, and maybe if she gets it into her head that marriage means devoting yourself to ONE man it'll last.

Your role is to be there for the child, not the woman. Sure, that will complicate things, but your child deserves to know its father, doesnt it?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I don't think she loves me or wants to be with me though? she told me it was strictly just a sex thing

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (20 November 2009):

I'm afraid I have to agree with Accountable here. this is a big mess, and it will get bigger whatever happens. But he can't be expected to bring up your child and this woman has no right to expect you to just disappear. It will hurt your friend to know the truth, probably he and you will never speak again. But you know you need to be there for your child, and you know what has happened is wrong and that he must be able to find someone who will love him. Also, I would recommend that you get a DNA test done on the child yourself, to ensure that it is yours.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Accountable United Kingdom +, writes (20 November 2009):

Accountable agony auntWhy two men are falling over themselves for this woman I do not understand.. firstly while her husband is going through god knows what in iraq she sleeps with his best friend, and is then willing to lie about the father of her child because thats the easy way out?

Your friend deserves to know whats gone on, and not go through life thinking he has a son or daughter when that child is the product of an affair. Equally you deserve to be able to raise your own child, not have to look on while somebody else gets to have all those moments that you'll miss out on - teaching them to walk, talk, watching and helping them grow.

She says she wants to work through the marrige - that means being open and honest with her husband and then dealing with his reaction (and hopefully working through that), not building a sham family on a huge lie. You know the right thing to do here; once everything is out in the open, things can begin to resolve themselves. Trying to keep this hidden away will not work - questions will be asked and everything will fall apart.

Good luck, and I hope you are genuinely remorseful about this if you want to save your friendship.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

New answers are blocked to this question

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.046875!