A
female
age
30-35,
*lorathehobbit
writes:My problem is that I never have feelings for anyone, but i have in the past, and I want to know if anyone feels the same? I was a really emotional child and had very strong crushes on guys, the weird thing is I could never really imagine going out with them, but i always thought I just needed to find the right guy. i'm really attracted to men, but it's becoming a pattern in my life that I date guys and then end it very very quickly because I just don't feel it. It causes me a lot of guilt because I'm just trying to keep my options open and make things happen for myself, but I end up hurting people along the way. Every time a guy asks me out I go into a spiral of anxiety thinking I will never love him, but I always just try, because I don't want to close myself off.A guy asked for my number a few days ago and he is really handsome and charming and has a lot going for him, as well as being clever, and I do like him, I was pretty excited when he asked for my number, like it was too good to be true. But I have a choice now, do I say yes or no if he asks me out? I've been told I am too nice and it occurred to me that I could only want to go out with him because he likes me. I am worried that the better decision is to say no, it might be easier on everyone? It is causing me a lot of stress being apathetic towards people I date, I feel like I'll be single when I'm old and be unable to find anyone. I just feel like I should live my life and date different guys to find out what I like, but I never even get initial butteflies, there's just no romantic attraction.
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female
reader, Vianneeey  +, writes (17 September 2014):
Relax.... When I was your age, I was like that too.
You're still so young & want to enjoy your life, and I think that makes you reject those guys unconsciously.
Take your time, no need to rush. Just because you don't date them, they can't be your friends right? But make sure you don't lead them on. If you're not interested, make sure they know.
About the guy, if he ask you out, why not? If you never try, you will never know. Just be yourself, he ask you out definitely because you have qualities that attract him. Be open minded. Put this in your head: if you guys click, great. If not, well at least you won't be wondering for the rest of your life.
There's nothing wrong with being picky, it means you know your own value and to be honest, not many girls have that these days. And certainly nothing wrong with being too nice, the world need more people like you.
The right guy will come when you're not looking. The more you look, the more you will come across as desperate (trust me, guys can sense that).
Just a bit of example, I was engaged when I was 20 and the day I broke it off was the best day of my life. I will not have a career nor the life I have right now, if I went through with it. And trust me, the guys are better when you're older.
Be open minded towards any guy who approach you, but be selective who you give your heart to.
A
female
reader, clorathehobbit +, writes (17 September 2014):
clorathehobbit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't choose the title for this but I wish I did. Please don't think I only go out with people because I am "supposed to". I actually want to.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 September 2014):
 You are either a one on one girl, or a circular dater. If having to make decisions and rejecting people bring so much anxiety in you, then maybe you are better as a one on one girl. I can't tell you what to do with this guy. You can come across as picky and perfectionist. You want everything to fall into place and are afraid of making mistakes. I recommend not forcing it to happen but make guy friends through activities. If feelings come let things happen naturally. The butterfly feeling can be overrated. One day your curiosity about what a relationship feels like would hopefully be stronger than needing the right feel and certainty about everything.
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