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I get too attached to people

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 March 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I seem to get attached to people really easily and I want to try to not get so attached . I know why I do and its because I always want to be with someone and have company as I value company so much . one of the problems about the fact I can grow quite fond of certain people one of my friends in particular is that I want to be with her a lot of the time and find it hard to accept that one of my former friends who I was also quite attached to because of her quirkiness doesn't speak to me anymore because of how I made her feel . she didn't tell me that she didn't want to talk to me anymore . I just found out from out mutual friend it really upset because I can understand the reasons why she doesn't want to talk to me anymore it would have been nice if she spoke to me about it though because she will have known I would have got upset . I don't know how to accept she isn't in my life anymore and just accept she doesn't care about me and I'm assuming dislikes me . I occasionally think of her and I don't know how to deal with this .

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (9 March 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntHi OP, I am guessing you posted the other question about sending people messages and worrying if they don't reply?

We all value company but sometimes we need to learn to enjoy our own company as well. I am a very sociable person but I love nothing more at the weekend to come home relax with a glass of wine and be by myself. You need to learn to be happy with yourself and content with what you are doing. At your age yes people and friends are important, but try and find hobbies that you can enjoy doing by yourself also.

If you want to spend all your time with a friend and you are constantly messaging them they will more than likely back off because they will feel like you are suffocating them. As for your former friend, you say you understand why she doesn't talk to you any more. So could you maybe try and work on that. Talk to her and explain to her why you did what you did and tell her you are trying to become a better and happier person. The thing with friends is when one or more other person gets involved it gets very messy because everyone has an opinion, so if you miss her then talk to her just the both of you. Stop assuming things, you will never know if she likes you or not unless you actually talk to her.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2018):

It's unclear if you mean you were fond of her as a friend or if you have a crush on her. I'm assuming you mean as just friends so I'll go from that angle. It sounds like you're too needy, too high maintenance and too clingy. You monopolize as much of their time and attentions. That's a huge turn off! And if you're going to get "upset" they probably want to avoid that bc then you'll probably get too pushy about what you can do different to still be their friend, too demanding and too confrontational. That is good reason to avoid you.

Get a life! Do you go to school? If so, spend as much time in class and studying as you can. Get a job where you're serving others. Volunteer. Keep your schedule packed so you will be too busy to be lonely. Get into running or swimming or some other physical hobby.

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