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I get irritated when my b/f tells me to "relax", even when I know it's the right thing to do...

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 May 2005) 2 Answers - (Newest, 19 May 2005)
A , *ceangurlz writes:

I've been having quite a strained relationship with my bf lately. Firstly we don't really see each other very often, only about once a week, so we don't have the luxury of time when it comes to solving our issues.

He feels that I need to relax more, especially when I'm telling him my problems. But I find it hard to relax (I'm a typical type A personality & he's a type B) which on one occasion he thought it was ridiculous. It irritates me when he tells me to relax even though I know it's good for me. Because of my inability to relax, we often get into arguments. Is there anything I can do to help myself & our relationship?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2005):

Sometimes men think that when you are talking about things that you are asking them to solve them and really you are not. Men don't seem to understand that women just need to talk, and that in itself is a problem solver. And maybe you need to make that clear. When you want him to do something, straight out ask, and not do some of the manipulating that we ladies sometimes tend to do. If you don't then just ask him to sit and listen and you in turn have to listen to his reaction. Try it.

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A reader, rphillips +, writes (18 May 2005):

Try this. When you are talking about a problem say" I just need you to listen to me. I don't need any advice and I don't need you to try to solve it. I just need to talk and I need you to listen."

Maybe by talking out your problem without your boyfriend interrupting, you can get it off your chest and that will help you relax.

If that doesn't work, he may not be the one you can gripe to. If the problems that you are having are relationship ones that you need to discuss with him, both of you will have to understand that you have different ways of dealing with stress and try to find a way to compromise.

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