A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband left 2 weeks ago. I told him I didn't think there was anything he could do to fix the marriage and it was over. The next day he packed and left. 2 weeks in and I know I made the WRONG decision. I want him to come home more than anything and show him how much I love him. Thing is he already has a new 'friend'. He moved in with his best friend, who after 1 week told him about another friend of his (a female) who left her husband in July. He said they should start talking, it would be a good source of support for my husband. When my husband came by this weekend to visit the children his phone went off and I saw it was her. I saw where he had been texting her daily, for hours on end for the previous week. I told him I really want to work on things but he said it was too little, too late. He says the new person is just a friend, they have a lot in common and she is very funny. I gave him 15 years and he moved on in a week..... I'm DEVASTATED! I know he says they are just friends now, but 2 people on the rebound looks like a train wreck waiting to happen. He says no, they are just friends. If that is the case how can he go from the night he left asking if there was anything he could do to fix this and was there anyway he could change my mind to now when I;m begging him to give us another shot it's like we've been split for months and months. Is his behavior inappropriate and what can I do to win him back and come home to me and our children?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): I think all the advice you have been given is excellent. The only thing I can add is that, just because he has a woman friend doesn't mean that he's dating her. Trust me I know. I did the same thing after my 3 year relationship soured. I had woman friends I went to for support. And that's all they were, just FRIENDS. Private message me if you like. :)
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (10 November 2010):
 I can understand that you told him that the marriage was over and I can see that was irrational at the time. The thing is, you need to make him understand that too. You can do that by simply apologising to him but it won't be as simple as saying sorry. But you will have to almost put your own dignity on the line. The best way to do this is if you have a moment with him and sincerely tell him how you feel. Look into his eyes and tell him.
The only other thing I can think of is if he and this woman friend were already aquaitences before you gave him a reason to leave and now he is taking it very slow with her in respect to your past with him and to your children. I'm sorry, but it may be that he had been thinking of leaving for sometime and now he had his reason. That is only what I sence here. But do try the above and hopefully it will work. I can't tell you exactly what to say except that when you talk with him, no matter how hard it may be, what ever you do, don't get into an argument what ever hurtful things he says.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): Well, you told him the marriage was over and couldn't be fixed so there must have been a lot of issues there. Could it be that because he's met this other woman you're slightly jealous and that's why you want him back?
Obviously i don't know your reasons for ending the marriage but they are still going to be there whether you got back together or not. His behaviour is quite common and yes you are probably right about it being a re-bound but that's not really the issue. You have told your husband you want him back and he doesn't seem to feel the same. It could be that he's enjoying his new found freedom with this woman and that's why he's not looking to get back together but if it is a re-bound, which lets face it, after 2 weeks it most probably is, the novalty will wear off and he might come back to reality, you never know.
At the moment i would just let him carry on because the more you try and win him back the further away you're going to push him. 15 years is a long time and trust me he hasn't gotten over you in 2 weeks. Just concentrate on your children at this difficult time and see how things go.
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