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writes: I should first mention that I have recently been pretty down, dealing with stress, sadness, and so forth. It is taking it's toll and making me suspicious and irritable. My boyfriend and I are in our twenties, and we have been dating for 3 years. On accident, I found some porn on his computer, which was fine. He is very protective of his privacy, and often times has difficultly expressing emotion. In the hidden folder (which wasn't protected, but hidden in a folder for something unrelated) I found some usual porn, blondes, whatever. I also found completely legal (but morally questionable) pictures of clothed, however scantily, girls that looked to be about 14. Some were only photos, one was a video. The girl was obviously modeling for a fetish crowd - she was moving around on a couch suggestively. My boyfriend has made it clear, over the years, that he is disgusted with peadophiles, wife abusers, you name it. I can't stop thinking about the file because it weirds me out, but if I mention it, I have to admit to breaking his trust by "snooping" (though I did find them on accident, I was looking for movies to watch on his hard drive). I also don't know if it is something to worry about - he's never acted on this, seems honestly disgusted by the actual act, and again, all of the girls were clothed (in mini skirts and bras). I don't know how I should feel, or what I should do. A man's point of view would really be appreciated here.
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female
reader, QuartzKitty  +, writes (9 March 2009):
First off, I really wish people would stop misusing the term paedophile. Paedophilia refers to sexual attraction to PREPUBESCENTS. Which means CHILDREN, I.E. those who have not yet reached puberty. Not all paedophiles are child molesters. Most don't act on the attraction, and I commend them for that. Those very few who DO act on the attraction to children, should be severely punished. Also, paedophiles are often incapable of being attracted to adults.Attraction to adolescents, I.E. those who are going through puberty, is EPHEBOPHILIA or HEBEPHILIA. A far different thing. Most ebhebophiles/hebephiles are also teleiophiles, a term denoting sexual attraction to adults.Having been a teleiophile since I was 12 years old, and never in my entire life anything but repulsed by teenage boys (Adult men, on the hand...), I don't get the attraction to adolescents, but who am I to pass judgement? I lost my virginity to 25 year old when I was 13. I'd have to judge him to, and I really don't want to do that because he was a wonderful person. Not to mention a GREAT fuck.Your boyfriend may have ephebophiliac tendencies. If so, so what? As long as he doesn't act on them, what's the big deal?Historically, as far back as the early 20th century, women of the 14-15 year-old age range would not only be sexually active, but would be married and have a child. It's only the post-WWII generation on where we created this fantasy of adolescence as a time of 'innocence', and this absurd notion that adolescents cannot consent to do with their bodies what they wish. And yet, we are expected to believe that somehow, magically, people gain the wisdom to consent the second they turn 18. Give me a break.I digressed off the main point there. The point is, if there is no sexual activity, it's not a big deal. Most people, men and women, apparently have at least some attraction to adolescents. It shouldn't be a problem.
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female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (5 January 2009):
i would double check about whether the girls are really a young age or if they are 18 and just look young. it is important to check if it is leagal.
i would not worry too much about it right now, maybe check in a few weeks and see if there is anything else. i'm sure he wouldn't be looking at teenagers. if you are that worried maybe ask him about it. there may be a simple reason for it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): I would say give it a couple of weeks too then check again, I know that will be hard to do coz if your anything like me I couldnt wait that long!
If you do confront him now though he will be angry, embarrassed etc. and that will have to happen at some point but make sure you have evidence first.
I found the same on my husbands computer and it made me sick to my stomach I confronted him with the pics and also the history which he had actually typed in he was specifically looking for young teens.
Good luck, seems all us gals are going through the same crap!
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male
reader, Hrywnak +, writes (16 December 2008):
finding out about the website and the legality of it wouldn't really matter in my opinion and i certainly wouldn't go to the police if you still want to be in a relationship with him and can resolve this matter.
people do a number of illegal things each and every day and you wouldn't consider informing the police of any criminal activities unless you knew how serious the issue was.
by the sound of it he has probably downloaded this material which he probably doesn't have much of and doubted himself as to whether or not it was morally right to view based on the appearance/age of the model but he probably enjoyed watching it.
this would explain why he felt the need to hide it, however i myself regularly hide my porn when i download it simply because it can be embarrassing to show people who wouldn't understand or feel the same way about porn as i do, however my girlfriend knows i look at porn a lot and knows i download it so she wouldn't need to go looking.
you didn't stumble on a huge collection of class 1 material which i think is full sexual intercourse/penetration with a minor or very underage models so i doubt he has a problem and was maybe just curious.
my suggestion is don't mention anything yet and give it a couple of weeks and see if he downloads anything else of similar material but don't bring it up until you know exactly what he is downloading, remember you have to respect other people's taste in porn and eroticism and that this could simply be something you could blow way out of proportion
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): I would ask him where he got the files from. You could then ask the police if it's a legitimate site or not. They may not be underage or he may not have realised how young they are. The best way to judge it is to find out about the site. If it's a very dodgy site I would talk to him about it, but if it's just regular porn then I shouldn't worry because all guys watch porn, whether they admit to it or not!
How often does he express his opinion on it? Because if he goes on about how disgusting he thinks it is it could be a cover-up. However if it's only been the odd occasion then he's probably genuine. Find out about the site he got them from before you act =]
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (16 December 2008):
 Hi,
Ok we cannot really start pointing the finger here without some facts.
For a start, I would just like to say that my partners daughter has modelled for a few magazines (fashion) but in Bikini's and other small items of clothing. It was a magazine that you could leave your opinion on the photography, and the model. When we were reading the reviews, we were shocked as to what some of the people thought. There were an awfull lot of comments (some quite nasty) regarding how old she was. She is 21 years old, but because she has a flat chest they thought she was under 16. Some guy even put her at 14 yaers old.
So I would say that the girls you have seen in the photo's on your partners P/C may not be under age.
I dont think that in a relationship you should have anything to hide, so I do not agree about the snooping part. That said, your B/F may have a different opinion.
I think you should tell him what you have seen, and how upset you are about the content. I doubt that he is a peadophile, but I would want to know why he is looking at girls that could be young.
The best option for you, is to ask what he is up to. Hopefully he will be able to put your mind at rest.
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male
reader, hierophant +, writes (16 December 2008):
Just to be clear; it sounded like, to me, that the files where in a folder that was in a hidden state (the icon would be 50% transparent). Located in a directory (folder) not normally associated with media files. - In other words it wasn't located in the "downloads", "My Movies", or wherever he stores downloaded movies.If that's the case, then you need to come to terms that you where snooping. Because that's going to be the main part of the fight you will have with him. He's likely not to address the content that you found, but bring up the violation of his personal space.What you should do instead is think about why you where snooping. Think about the things you want in your relationship with him. Talk to him about that, and have him bring up the things he wants.I'm not saying that you should ignore what you found. But the pictures are fully legal, unless they slightly look one way or another. - But that changes greatly in every state. Chances are, if they have a url tag on the image from a Russian site they wont violate any law on the books in the states.From a psychological stand point, it's tricky. But I'm just going to take a guess that something happened to him as a kid. His feelings of disgust is probity true, and rooted in something. More so, it's not uncommon to find people whom were sexually assaulted as a child looking up suggestive images of young teens. But it's not a fetish.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): I know that you have asked for a mans opinion on the matter of looking at young girls so I will not comment on that however all I would say is that sometimes when a person goes on and on and on at how disgusting certain behaviour is it can be to mask or disguise the fact that actually they are participating in it themselves. Just my thoughts on what you have written.
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