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I found out that my old college love is engaged and I am heartsick! Should I tell him how I feel?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Faded love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 May 2007) 1 Answers - (Newest, 19 May 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I spent my Junior and most of my senior years of college dating a guy who I was going to spend the rest of my life with. My last year of school was stressful and my guy is 5yrs older than I so he was at a very different point of his life, which was a large part of why we split and went seperate ways. I have a hard time with break ups so it wasn't pretty and we ended up not talking for a long while. We exchanged a couple emails about a year after the break up and at the point we shared that we had both started dating other people. It hurt when I found out he was dating someone else. I never fully was able to let our relationship go... I felt like I was running away from a commitment because I was so unsure what I was going to do after college graduation. After a while I started to realize the main reason I started dating someone is because I couldn't stand the thought of me giving up my true love because I was scared of "the real world" after college... that is all i could think about for so long, thinking about dating seemed easier. I have been dating my current bf for almost two years and I have never once felt the way I felt when I was with my college love. I found out a couple weeks ago that he is now engaged... now I feel like a part of me has died. I dont know what to do or who to talk to. I dont know if im suppose to just sit here and watch him start a life with someone else or if I should say something to him about how I feel. Could it be possible that he feels the same, just has no hope that I still love him? Would it be better to not contact him at all or should I try to tell him how I am feeling?

Any advice would be appreciated!

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (19 May 2007):

cd206 agony auntThe first person you love will always seem much better than anyone else because the first time you experience how amazing love is will always be the best, none of your subsequent experiences will live up to it because you're used to the feeling.

Telling the ex how you feel now would achieve nothing. He's chosen his future and it doesn't include you. If you were meant to be then you would have got back together before now. The fact that you're both with different people says a lot. If you really ever loved him you need to be able to let him go now and be happy and do the same for yourself.

CD

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