A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello, i need sme advice. my husband recently wrote on here asking whether he should ask me if i wanted a 3sum, well him watching me and the girl. It was titled "I have a fantasy about my wife being with another woman. Should I tell her?" He has never discused this with me, i found out through his history.I thought he was totally against 3sums saying its cheating and its made me see him in a different light. Every time i think about it, i feel sick and have to hold back the tears because i have strong views on 3sums, swingers etc, i even go as far to say flirting is cheating. 3sums are cheating in my eyes. so hes saying its ok to cheat? i dont want to be with anyone who thinks its ok to cheat. Id never cheat whether its male or female! and it just makes me feel physically sick to think he wants to! is this the end of my marriage? i cant even look at him without nearly crying. any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (18 September 2011):
 I'm starting to see why he came online instead of straight out asking you...
You've got strong morale's and in no way is that a bad thing, but I think you need to step back for a second and cool your head. Fantasies are fantasies for a reason... very true... however as he hasn't even talked to you about this yet, it is still just that. A fantasy.
Dare I ask what you were doing going through his computers history? Or is that another story?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): but thats the thing, if hes wanting to watch me and another girl hes obviously thinking about other women. i really do not want to dance with anyone else or even watch porn, a marraige should be between two people and two people only, i really hate porn, i find it degrading. Me and him are clearly very different, i thought he knew all this and felt the same, i guess i was wrong. doesnt the fact he WANTS me to cheat say something? he obviously doesnt love me.. fantasys are fantasys for a reason, because it causes so much problems :(
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A
male
reader, Dagda  +, writes (17 September 2011):
I don't believe men perceive sex in the way women do. They attach different purposes and connotations to it. Your husband's interest likely has little to do with wanting a relationship with another woman and everything to do with wanting to experience a varied sex life. If he's not broached the topic with you, then it may be nothing more than a fantasy.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Oh, it's not the end of the marriage. If this is the post I think it is:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-have-a-fantasy-about-my-wife-being.html
It sounds like you've suggested in the past that you're bi-curious. Well, naturally that would get his wheels turning. And let me tell you something - I think it is nearly every guys fantasy to watch his girl getting sweaty and sexed-up with another woman. This isn't an insult to your marriage, I don't think.
He also is specific in not wanting to participate - just watch. He doesn't want to be with anyone else but you, and wants to see you fulfill your fantasy or being with another woman.
If you're not bi-curious, you should tell him that you are just not interested in being with another woman. If you are, in fact bi-curious then there are little compromises you could consider as well... You could try going out to a club and dancing with another woman, or having sex with your husband while you have girl porn on in the background, or even just talk about any fantasies you've had about girls.
Your marriage isn't over!! You two have clearly just had a misunderstanding. No worries, relax. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): Look, if you are uncomfortable with it, then say so.Sometimes fantasies are best left that way.But a two girls, one guy threesome is possibly one of, if not the most, common fantasy amongst heterosexual men. And a threesome CAN reignite a failing relationship, but it must always be treated with caution and never done with close friends (the emotions can get very out of control) and all rules should be clearly set out and obeyed to the letter and the focus should be on the couple only and not on the third party, unless the couple are focusing on said person together.But if you are so strict on your definitions of what constitutes cheating (flirting is NEVER cheating unless it goes further than that) then you have to sit down and get all these things up in the air with your husband.Remember, communication is key.Flynn 24
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