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female
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cstarz
writes: I thought I found my boyfriend's profile on a web site, that I also have a profile on (that's been inactive, that he was never aware of). Through my profile, I contacted him and asked for a photo. My heart stopped when I saw the photo was of him... two hours later he revoked my access to his photo. I have noticed that he has been on this web site every day this week (I have since deleted my profile once and for all). Should I confront him, and if so, how? We have been together for almost two years. We continuously reaffirm our love for each other and our commitment to our relationship. What should I do? I'm sick over this and don't know how to approach the subject with him. Please help. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2006): Don't not tell him, it will make it so much worse!!!
A few months ago i found something on my bf faceparty account - an email from a girl he chatted too - I knew all about the account and that he talked to this girl once in a while, he knew her before he met me and she kinda helped him get out into the dating scene! Anyway, I read the email without him knowing and was so shocked to see the stuff she had wrote (some sexual thing).
I was tossing up whether to tell him about it and admit to being sneaky, or just leave it. Anyway the next day when he saw me he could tell i wasnt right (I just couldnt get the worry out of my head) and he said, i know whats wrong, i read the email and dont know why she sent it, its totally out of character for her etc. He also said that he wasnt angry with me for looking (my main fear!) as there should never be anything there for me to worry about in the first place.
He has since deleted the account and told her he's not contacting her anymore. And Im all nice and happy and back to our normal relationship! he said that i shoould never be afraid to tell him anything, he'll always love me :)
if you bottle it up you'll feel so much worse, i know i would! can you seriously go on as normal with these thoughts in your head?
Hope it works out for you!
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (16 June 2006):
 I think perhaps what your not telling us is that you set up a profile to check if he was cheating. Rather than its an old profile! But anyway the fact is it likes like he responded to you. What sort of site is it, is it for friends? dating ? sex ? Is he just mucking around ? You didnt trust him in the first instance, so something must have made you supspicious, or do you check up on all your boyfriends ? It does sound like a trust issue and you will need to tell him that you dont trust him and why, but how you are going to explain to him you found his profile on there i dont know, as this will show that you ahve also been dishonest. You are gonna have to come clean I think and just tell him that you dont trust him and ask him what he was up to. Otherwise you will just keep checking up on him all the while and waste alot of time. But do make sure that you got all the facts about it or you may look the silly one.
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A
female
reader, cstarz +, writes (16 June 2006):
cstarz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBelieve me Anja, I feel rotten and I'm terribly ashamed about what I have done and feel that if I hadn't instigated it, I would have never opened Pandora's box. My profile was inactive, the site does send emails every 6 or 8 months to see if you wish to remain inactive, which is what I have been doing. I admit that I have trust issues. Maybe I should just say nothing to him at all, since there is no good way to go about discussing this with him. I love him tremendously and will do whatever it takes to make things right.
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A
female
reader, Anja +, writes (16 June 2006):
 Why do YOU have a profile on there and what were YOU doing looking on there? If you have some trust issues isn't it best to go straight to the person concerned as opposed to being devious and checking up on him?!
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A
male
reader, Yos  + ♥, writes (16 June 2006):
 You need to talk to him about this. There are reasons that he could have been doing this other than to actually meet other people in person. Sometimes someone can do this as a way of exploring their limits or a fantasy with no real intention of taking it further.
There is no easy way to approach him. I suggest you tell him you have 'something important to talk about', and set a time to talk. This sets up a situation where you have to discuss it, and one where he will be prepared to talk.
Make sure when you start talking that you don't open up with accusations and criticizms, as he will quickly become defensive and you are likely to have an argument or fight. Instead describe what you experienced, and how you felt about it, and then ask him to explain what his experiences were and how he was feeling.
The less confrontational you can make it the better the chance of you two having an honest and open dialogue. Don't pre-judge the situation, approach it with an open mind and see what he has to say.
Good luck.
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