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I find condoms desensitizing, and it kills my mood for sex--any advice?

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Question - (24 January 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 24 January 2007)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend used to be on the pill, but currently is not. I am not sure how long she has been off it. Currently we use condoms, but I really hate them. Now we would be safe and get tested if she were to go back on the pill. When we talked about it, she explained that it is not very healthy to go off and back on the pill. I guess it plays with the hormones and all. Seems to make sense, and I am willing to put up with a condom for the benefit of her health. First is what she said true? and second, how long should we wait before it is ok for her to get back on the pill? I realize that a doctor is really the one i should be asking, but i figure there are women on here who could fill me in. And I guess in the meantime, any advice on how to make a condom more pleasurable for me? I find it desensitizing (it also sometimes kills the mood for me to put it on).

View related questions: condom, the pill

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007):

The reason I wrote these questions are because her health is so important to me. I probably care for her well being more than for my own, and in fact, I have probably started taking better care of myself with her as my motivation. Obviously, I need to talk to her more about the reasons she went off. I don't know if it is just because she had medical issues (although i think she would have mentioned it when we talked about it) or more likely because she wasn't having sex (at least without a condom) after she broke up with her ex-boyfriend. A vescectimy is way out of the question. The world needs my little ones to run around one day. I already use the extra thin ones. maybe the IUD is the best option, but it sounds kinda weird to me and from what i read (thanks for the link) seems to work, but i dont know how i (or she would feel) about it getting implanted. anyway, thanks for the advice and please more input is welcomed. at least now i know a little more about what i am talking about with her. as far as finding another girl... not an option.

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A female reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx United Kingdom +, writes (24 January 2007):

xxxsoulsistaxxx agony auntYes, coming on and off something like the Pill can be risky: you know how temperamental our hormones can be at the best of times! It's also advised to spend some time off the Pill and not be on it for years and years at a time. So condoms are something I'm afriad you're gonna have to live with for now!

Plenty of couples have never not used a condom, as some women don't want to go on the Pill ever. I know it can be desensitising for guys, I don't really like them either, but they are important to protect ourselves and the ones we love. Why not try using the very thin ones, specially made so it's more sensitive for you? It's worth a try: my boyfriend likes these, as he says the normal ones are too thick for him.

You need to stop worrying about this and think about the big picture. It's her body and she doesn't have to be on medication for your enjoyment. There must be a reason she came off it and you need to respect this. If you don't like it, there are plenty of girls out there who won't make you use a condom.

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A female reader, Amethyst United States +, writes (24 January 2007):

Amethyst agony auntYes, it is risky hopping from pill to no pill back to pill again. It can mess with the hormones and trust me, you don't want to put her through what I went through. I walked into French class at school and started crying because I was late, then sat next to a friend who asked if I was ok, and I balled like a baby so uncontrollably they sent me HOME. I NEVER cry in front of people, well, VEEEEERRRRYYY rarely.

There are other forms of BC out there... I say, look into them. There are some that merely prevent pregnancy, without the hormones to regulate the period. There are other things YOU can do to. Many many options. There's spermicides, vesectomy, and... well, yeah, condoms. For women, there are IUD's, female condoms, morning after pills, tube tieing, and other forms of BC. I say, do some research with her, and see what you two think would be the best option. So far, I've heard the best idea is IUD... but of course, it isn't for everyone.

http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/iudinfo.htm

Read about it perhaps? That's an informative website.

I hope this helps!

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