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I feel so ugly, will I ever get a boyfriend?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 July 2008) 47 Answers - (Newest, 21 August 2010)
A age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hey. Im a girl, Ive just turned 15. My problem is with my appearance. I always feel so ugly. Monsterously ugly, and people tell me Im ugly aswell. If Im out with my friends, lads will look my at my friends and smile, then look at me and they'll look disgusted. I feel like Im that ugly that I don't DESERVE a boyfriend and noone wants to go out with me. I NEVER get asked out and everytime my friends have tried to set me up with a boy, the boy has been up for it until they saw me, then they were like "Err...NO!!!"

People say "Its not all about look" and "everyones beautiful in their own way" but thats not how the lads I know see it at all. In fact, thats not how any lads today see it. I just feel like Im never going to get a boyfriend - Im gunna be ugly forever so Ill just have to deal with it. But thats the point, I can't deal with it. Im so desparate to be pretty, but every attempt I make to make myself prettier fails miserably.

It just gets me down so badly - everytime I look in the mirror I wish I was someone else. All my family and some of my friends tell me Im pretty but I feel like they have no choice but to say that - I mean, noone calls someone they love "ugly" do they?!

My two main questions really are:

1. Will I ever get a boyfriend?

2. How can I make myself prettier?

Thanks

x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010):

personally, i've been through this far too many times but i think i've found the solution.

society is putting so much pressure on girls to be beautiful that eventually they end up fully implanted- fake looking , the results are hideous, inside and out. think heidi pratt, she looks gross and acts gross. so if you're beautiful on the inside, you'll sure as hell wont want those breast, lips or tummy tucks, you'll be okay with who you are and those around you will feel you're positive aura. you'll attract people and any other desires. you'll be a magnet , and there wont be anything stopping you. a few tips to look beautiful on the outside :

1. grow out your hair long and healthy ; it makes you more feminine and attracts guys so much , you'll drive them crazy with silky,voluptous, long, long hair. i swear.

2. drink water, and hit the gym!! stop eating junk food!! the more fit and healthy you are, the more fit and healthy your mind is- this is SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN. so if youre 100 pounds overweight..get regimented emidiately, its not healthy. its not right for anyone to advise you to not loose a pound and that you're beautiful like that, if you need to be healthy, you need to be healthy. 100 pounds overwieght is not healthy or beautiful , sorry. haha

3. drink 8 liters of water a day; sounds crazy but it works miracles on your face, if you have a puffy face, it gets rid of that in a day, if you have acne, it gets completely rid of it in a week and you'll have amazing glowing, soft skin.

4.dont use make up; make is fake.

5.be completely natural

6.take care of your physical and mental health everyday;

physical: gym, dance, yoga etc

mental: meditation!!!

dont read magazines, throw them all away!!! do it it'll help you get self-confidence. dont read shitty fashion blogs. dont fb/myspace stalk pretty girls.

lollolol just dont do it.

read alot :) so good for you :)

7.get out and have experiences. do something new everyday.meet someone new everyday.

8.wear plain clothing, with elgant details; check out jill stuart shows, get inspired, go to your local urban outfitters/vintage shops and buy nice pairs of jeans with chemises and light summery baby-blue jersey dresses. that sounds like my closet. just be beautiful and unique. dont try to look like anyone. be inspired by music,art,yourself; express all your feelings on paper, music, art. you'll be perfect but not by the means of society. also, get straight a's :) and join clubs. youll be interesting, unique and beautiful ;) i would love you if i were a guy ;)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010):

Noone is ugly, God made us the way we are and He thinks were the most beautiful things in The world. Just because someone sais your ugly doesn't mean you are. You may think you are but your not the only reason ppl see themselves as ugly is because there not as skinny as the next girl or they don't have many bfs as the next girl when really the girl that gets all the guys is usually the one who is willing to do anything to keep that bf and eventually gets stepped on in the end. Alot of "pretty" girls i know actually have more of a low self esteem than you do. Just think good about yourself no matter what ppl say. Having a bf is not important anyways your not going to die if you dont have one... I sometimes feel the same way as you do but at the same time i never do anything about it i just moan and complain about it and not only does that put me down even more it makes me an open target for other ppl because they know that they will get an good reaction.. if you don't like the way you look dye your hair change your style in clothes maybe you will look good wearing something else if your overweight lose weight don't just keep adding on and complaining about it nothing will ever change...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010):

i'm really ugly but ive got a bubbly and fun personality.and at my school quite a few people have asked me out.im sure you are pretty if you don't think u r u see your self in a different way.so dont kid your self that u r ugly and have a really fun personality.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010):

I know how you feel. I am in year 9, and there are loads of pretty, popular girls in my year. Most of them have dyed hair and wear heaps of makeup, so boys see them as "attractive". But I tell you what, in a couple of years their hair will start falling out and they will regret dying their hair at such a young age, when they obviously don't need to dye it.

Don't worry about now, just focus on your work and you will be the one with the great grades, nice job, and caring boyfriend. Everyone goes through their "ugly duckling" stages, but you will grow out of that. Just because there are plastic bimbos at your school, doesn't mean that you have to follow the crowd because it will be those girls who attract the wrong kind of guy and get the crappy job, all because they focused on the wrong thing in high school.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010):

I'm 18 years old and I never had a boyfriend before. I'm not really fat(size. 5) but I'm ugly and I refuse to conform to society by wearing makeup and fashion. I live life the way I want to and even though yes my self esteem is really low I have my pride that I stayed myself. Don't push yourself to be what you aren't

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010):

listen hun ive always felt ugly and people call me sexy, pretty watever and i never belive them ..i wear glasses and people call me a geek lool but others say i could model the best thing to do is look in the mirror and tell urself ur bad points then do as much as u can to solve them..like dye ur hair or something just to make a change it helps i promise i think everyone can be made beautiful ..but just be careful coz boys dont like girls with loads of makeup thats a fact. :) good luck xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010):

OMG.i know how you feel.. Though this isn't advise, this is just really me telling you how i feel..

every morning i wake up, and i say to myself, im ugly. because i am, im not pretty, im not thin, (12-14) and i have never had a boyfriend. though i am 13,.. but still i am ugly, i have big ears too, and i have glasses..

Sorry. for saying this :S ..

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A female reader, heyaiamheartohelp!!xx United Kingdom +, writes (21 April 2010):

You don't need to change... There will be some other gut out there that will love you for who you are. I used to feel the same way and when i got my first boyfriend i told him everything. I even told him that sometimes i fellt really ugly. He sais to me that he loved me for who i am. Later on i changed a bit and he didn't like that, so he dumped me. :( my own fault for changing when i didn't need to. Never change what you look like or who you are. Nobody is perfect. xx

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A female reader, archiefreddy United Kingdom +, writes (15 March 2010):

archiefreddy agony aunthey babes , this sounds like me in the past, I know that I am ugly although my fiends and family say I am pretty , but you cannot change that, and my friend taught me a very valubal lesson- if you feel gorjus, you look it, and that is a fact so if your wearing aomethig you feel good in, then other people will think you look good too. trust me I know this , bcause my friends are soooo pretty , everyone of them , and then I feel like I am an add on sometimes , but I have learnt to get over that , and I never used to get boyfriends wen I always moaned abou being ugly, but now I have a boyfriend who loves me! so remember to believe in yourself bbes, and you will get what you want

if you liked my advic please say so

lov you honey , and good luck x

x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009):

Well for your first question I tell myself and friends that I will never get a Boyfriend.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009):

Yes you will get a boyfriend, when you are really ready and when you find someone you are really attracted to. Don't go out with the first guy who asks you out unless you like him. Don't get involved with a guy because he likes you, make sure you like him. Take your time. When I was in high school a boy told me I was ugly every day for 4 years. I thought I was the ugliest person in the world. I focused on exercise, and painting and other interests to keep my mind off my ugliness and the thought of being single for the rest of my life. I moved interstate and at my new high school I had my first boyfriend. I was told I was beautiful by many guys after that. I began meditating and this helped me feel less anxious and when you are less stressed you look alot better. I also visualised myself looking beautiful. I began to focus on my good points and became my best friend. Be your best friend. You wouldn't say to your friend you are ugly.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009):

OK. I've never had a boyfriend either and I was talking to my friend about who is pretty but not gorgeus, and who always gets great guys. She said it's all about confidence and how you hold yourself. You have to stick out your shoulders, but not because of your boobs, because it makes you look confident. YOu have to hold your head high, not so you look snooty, but so you look proud to be you. She says you have to be "physical" by like everytime you greet the guys you either high five or come up behind them and like touch there shoulder. When you leave (depending on what level your at) you either hug, high five, or touch the shoulder again, because it shows your not only comfortable with you but them too. also try not to crack your knuckles, bite your nails or play with your hair. especially the bangs. you look nervous. im gonna try these tips too. the only thats bad is we like the same guy! also laugh at little things they say ;)

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A female reader, LaurennAlice United Kingdom +, writes (13 December 2009):

hiii (:

first things first, i know EXACTLY how ou feel. i've been through the lot of it. i think it helps to know youre not alone (:

secondly, when i was goin through what you are now i had to go to counciling and she told me two things "be confident in yourself and you'll blossom, it just takes time" and secondly "you're no alone in this"

modern society is putting SO much pressure on young girls like us and pressuring us to look prettier, and be thinner and all that.

i still feel horrible sometimes, butyou have to think of the positives, its not what you havent got, its what you have got (:

i havent got perfect skin, and im not thin (im a size 12-14) and im not very feminine, but ive earnt to be confident and it shines through like a star (:

i think you need a boost in self esteem (:

cheer up (:

love laurenn xxx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009):

Honestly, working up a tan, getting ur hair and eyebrows done and losing a little weight seems to spruce up everyone.

Not that i've tried it.. because i'm a dude. But, lol. Just take better care of yourself.

P.s As gay as i might sound.. I'M NOT. :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009):

Stop thinking that you are uglier think positive a preciate who you are for others to a preciate you I think God made every one prettier is you who think the way you are thinking just be you and know you are not ugly. You will find how men admire you from a distance only that they fear to tell you thinking that you will turn them down

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009):

i feel exactly the same way im 15 and i don't think i ever will but my friend say's that i will she has bet with me that im going to get married before her.

but i bet a harry potter poster (and i love harry potter) that your not ugly people are age are overly concerned about what they look like with boy's acting like stupid infants im not going to say you will get a boyfriend but don't give up the presure to get a boyfriend at are age is immense so wait a few years until it calms down a bit.

for all you know all your friends who are probably dating now will end uphaving lots of one night stands when there 16 and never settled down to work or so on.

I hope this helped (i know my reply sounds nerdy but thats how i answer to this sort of thing)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009):

omg i totaly no what you mean.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009):

the only way you will get a boyfriend is if you keep a positive attitude and have a lot of self cofidence. besides, looks don't matter most of those guys dont know there turning down a person w/ a awesome personality

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009):

Im 14 i used to think i was ugly, but when you feel better inside you look a lot better outside. The best thing to do is just smile and dont worry what people think. Just smile and feel good. Its the best tip there is :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009):

I FEEL THE EXACT SAME!!! i'm a bit older than you (almost seventeen and a half)and i have never had a boyfriend either. The thing is i dont really like anyone at my school but still it would be nice if someone liked me...All i can say is don't give up hope. It'll happen for us when we least expect it kid lol

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009):

hey so many things to tell...one of my best friends is beyond gorgeous, and she is from sweden, and when i try to have a conversation, all the girls come up to her and tell her she is gorgeous. But, my friend and i are NOT THE POPULAR GIRLS! yes! sometimes people pick on me on the bus, like touching my head and pretending they didn't do it (so annoying) anyways we both wear modest clothes, both of us never "reveal" anything! in fact my friend swears she will never wear shorts and tank tops in her life! truth is she is the sweetest person and she is friendly to everyone and has the best personality, and that may be why every guy likes her in my grade even though we are not popular! and yes i feel ugly too, but the reply above this one says practice about believing you are beautiful inside and out..it works for me!!! if you don't seem to find any guys liking you in your school, (i figured this out for myself too) its because they grew up with you! they know your life story and all the embarassing moments that happened in school! even though i feel ugly, i noticed when i went on vacation to Cape Cod, everywhere i went i noticed one guy "noticing" me, like constantly looking at me or telling their friends "look how hot she is" even though im just wearing a shirt and shorts! so im hoping that when i go to college, i will get a boyfriend because they don't know me and it will most defiantly work for you! (or you could just convince your parents to move, like bella in Twilight, and she got Edward! :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009):

Hi I know how you feel. I'm slightly older than you at 17 but at 15/16 i felt the same way and i guess i still do. I always feel slightly ugly or out-of-place when i'm around the plastics or popular more beautiful group. But its not really their looks that biother me any more but their attitude towards things like guys, money, work they take advantage and just because their a bit prettier they get things handed to them. The ugly therefore freekish people are made to believe they aren't worthy of a boyfriend or whatever. I have found though guys as they get older enjoy girls with more of a personality than looks and out of the two so would i. Abe Lincoln was thought to be ugly but look at him..he was the present of the USA and he has a statue! Does anyone pretty have than kind of status after or even before they died? No because its what inside that counts. If you want a make-over dont overdo it with make-up etc and make yourself into something your not just become more confidant and people will see you for who you really are. I don't know if this helps... i hope it does

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009):

you will DEFINITELY have a boyfriend. I am ugly too, its kind of fun not to have the responsibility of having people placing so much of what they think of themselves on what you think of them, like pretty people have to deal with. When I was 15, people would sometimes point at me and I'd overhear them say is IT a boy and a girl? no joke. You don't realize this, but it makes you have to work on being beautiful on the inside, which alot of the pretty girls won't have the advantage of having to do. In college, then good looking girls liked me ALOT better than the other guys, because the others were so used to the attention and I was always flattered and never wanted to hurt them the way I was always hurt growing up. People who're good looking all their lives have alot more trouble relating to this, its not their fault. I even dated a French model for awhile, but then I became ugly again and I became shallow (the two are NOT related!), which is where I am now, and trust me, its the best place (the ugly part, not the shallow part) to be, I know it doesn't seem like it, and thats impossible to understand at 15, but its true. Good looking people are always the center of attention, its harder to live that way and harder to develop you're inner beauty, which, insane as it sounds, is really the thing that makes people happy, I bet you're so much more wonderful than you know. Was Mother Teresa hot, probably not; happy, definitely. People think Britney Spears is hot, but I bet you Mother Teresa was happier. I'm not saying being good looking dooms you, but I'd bet money, that one day you'll be just beautiful and you'll see what I mean for yourself. Your best friends are always you're girl-friends, (in my case guy friends) anyways. Good Luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

question one yes you will

question two try make up and straighting your hair

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009):

Hi, i feel the excatly the way you do sometimes, i feel like the ugliest person in the world. I'm 15 and i turn 16 soon and i have never had a boyfriend in my life. I feel like no one in my school likes me. What I do to make me forget my problems, no not start drinking in large amounts is to do community service with animals and babies because i love them both. When i do other things to help the enviorment i forget about how i look because someone out their has it was worse then i do, and by helping them out, i do feel prettier in the inside. I'm in high school and looks do matter but, you only get one life and I'm trying to look at the people in the inside first then the outside, it may take some pratice but in the end i get to see what the person is really like.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009):

i have the exact same problem and i know its hard but doll ureself up and go out for a night in a busy club and act cool!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009):

Get a hair cut and dye it

get a push up bra maybe

get a new shopping spree

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A female reader, tamara93 Australia +, writes (27 July 2009):

hi,

when i read what you have written it feels like i write this myself about me. i am 15 nearly 16 and i feel the exact same way all my friends get checked out all the time when where out i just get a screwd up nose from the guys.but every1 tells me to live my life to the fullest and never let anything get u down i follow this most of the time it works. give it a try and just ignore any1 who says ur ugly thats what i doo.

P.S this may not be helpfull at all but i thought u should know there are other girls your age who feel the same way...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008):

I fell the same way you do. I fell like no one likes me and that i will never get a boyfriend. I also wish that i could be some one else sometime but then i look at myself and try to see the good in me. i no you feel like no guy will ever like you but im sure some day some loving caring cue guy will come and pick you up. just have fun and live your life. you dont need a guy to have a good time. i fell the same way every thing you wrote sounds like how i fell.

ps you are special and cute in your own way and dont let anyone get you down:)

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A female reader, candixo Australia +, writes (7 August 2008):

candixo agony auntmy answer,

1. when you get a little older,. 17-18

guys will not care what you look like,

as long as you wait your turn they will see your insides before your outside.

never ever put yourself down on looks.

yeah some people hate what they look like, but really you should hold your head high .

god made you the way you are,

you should be thankful because there are many other less fortunate girls other then you.

your turn will come.

when you meet a guy who likes you for your personality and not your look youll know hes the one:)

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008):

don't feel alone. im like that aswell.

im incredibly ugly. ive not had a boyfriend in 3 years.

im now in year 9 at high school. all the lads are always looking at my bestfriend and flirting with her. i didn't dare tell anyone about my problem, i still haven't. i know it sounds sad, but i learned to live with it, doing nothing about it. Never do that! it doesn't make things better.

gl (:

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008):

So glad you are feeling better. Another thing to try is to look around you at other women, especially women in their 20s and 30s. I'm sure you'll notice some who look really attractive and well-put-together, but then if you examine their features you'll realize that some may have what you consider "plain" or even "ugly" faces-- but they have learned what styles and looks suit them best.

There are many women whom I admire for their wit, style, and beauty who don't have conventional looks. But the way they act and the way they dress tells everyone that they are beautiful and valuable. They don't hide themselves behind baggy clothes, they wear pieces that are tailored to fit just right and suit their body types. They have good posture, well cut hair, and funky accessories.

Most likely you haven't settled into your look yet. It may mean going against the fashion of your friends. You'll have to experiment. But you will find it someday and then, look out men!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey again!!

Thanks to everyone who answered :)

I do feel a lot more confident now than I did before I posted this question. Before I was like "I don't deserve the boys" and now its more like "the boys don't deserve me".

I do try to smile a lot, but when I feel ugly, I feel depressed and it makes it hard to smile. In future though, I will smile as much as I can (aparently I've got a nice smile :D).

Thanks everyone again :) :)

xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008):

Hey there poppet,

It's really important to look within yourself first. reading your question it was full of self doubt and you were really giving yourself a hard time. When we feel we don't deserve someone or that we are unattractive and unworthy, strange as it may seem, but others will pick up on that.

If you start telling yourself that you are a wonderful person with so much to offer yourself and that you are attractive, worthy and don't just DESERVE a boyfriend but you are ENTITLED to a boyfriend who will treat you well (even when that little voice in your head starts arguing with you lol) you will be surprised how this starts to rub off on other people. they will all want to know this wonderful confident attractive young woman

All the best

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (29 July 2008):

TasteofIndia agony auntHey sweet,

I just read everyone's replies to your question and think you got some GREAT GREAT GREAT answers. Hooray for the Aunts and Uncles!! And your follow up was so positive and I'm glad to see that already you're feeling better.

I thought I'd swoop in with the makeup tips.

Firstly, take care of your skin. Once you start using makeup this is very, very, VERY important. Take off your makeup every night, especially the mascara. Give your face time to breathe on the weekends, or whenever you have a day to yourself. Make sure you wash your face with a good cleanser everyday and use moisturizer (I really like the Clean & Clear line, but whatever you like will do!).

Secondly, you are a beginner at makeup, and sometimes things can go horribly, horribly wrong. It's tricky to put on makeup the right way. Ask your Mom, or sister or friends or someone close to you who wears nice makeup. If you don't feel like going to someone you know, go to a makeup counter in the mall and tell them that you're new with makeup and you'd like them to hook you up. They'll show you how to apply and recommend good colors for your skin tone.

Essentials: Mascara, some blush (I like the lighter "mousse" kind - it feels more natural and less cake-y), lipgloss (lipstick is too sticky), a light, shimmery eyeshadow and some eyeliner for nights out. Concealer and foundation, only if you need it. Make sure you always thoroughly blend because makeup lines are never any good.

What is most important is to love yourself without the makeup, and you should be able to truly smile and show your inner beauty. Even if a gal has a mask of makeup, if she's miserable - it shows. To be physically beautiful, you have to FEEL beautiful on the inside. A smile will light you up and make you look more gorgeous than anything you can buy in a store.

Good luck, sweetness!

xx India

P.S. When I really need to feel confident and sexy, I slip on some sexy underthings. Just knowing that you're rocking underneath everything gives you some spring in your step. With every step you can say to yourself, "yeah, I'll bet you wish you could see what I'm wearing under this, but TOO BAD FOR YOU, SUCKA!!".

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008):

i have the same problem

my family tell me im stunning and that i could easily be a model if i was thinner

but i feeel like im extremely ugly

my friends are like gorgeousss mainly natural blondes and im bleached blonde lol:( and all size 6's and 8's and then theres me a big fat 12-14 lol

i really thought i would never get a boyfriend but i have one now and hes ok:) just do your hair nicely and put a little bit on make up on and be cool and you will probaly get a bf if you find the right guyy

you can make yourself prettier by using a touch of make up and as i said keeping your hair nice and if you have bad skin like sort it out i think people with nice skin are automatically prettier

hope this helded!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):

im seventeen never had a boyfriend, above average looks (in all honesty) and one thing ive realised is that everything-life is based on heart and soul not what's on the surface. You can feel the deepest feelings, discover the most inspiring philosophies feel so GOOD and pure about yourself when you do the right thing and other people don't these things come from within you beauty is a novelty and it doesn't equal LOVE i am a very intense, philosophical person and every guy i have EVER liked has been below average looking but it's the way they make me FEEL that keeps me awake at night thinking about them that makes me feel so happy and excited to spend time in their company i could get a model if i wanted but how dull why are models not artists or writers or teachers because most of them have no substance not exciting DEPRESSING.

anyway im not saying beauty is a bad thing thing it's a novelty a bonus and ill admit it does feel good when you do feel that extra bit prettier so i that sense yes experiment with make up that you think could work for you try moisturiser-it really brings out your cheekbones and i actually think that youre probably not half as ugly as you've convinced yourself you are come on were all humans how bad can it be lol?? you FEEL so ugly your feelings are probably distorting your perception not what you SEE on the surface. and i actually used to be a total mong when i was 14 but not having that problem now wayhay lol. smile more BIG difference maybe very light mascara a little goes a long way just opens your eyes up makes them look bigger so your eye colour's also brought out.

believe me you have nothing to worry about got your whole life ahead of you and maybe a a week a month five years you could find true love and in comparison people calling you ugly when you were in year 10 will be like a speck of dust hehe :D:D youre destined for happiness and probably happier and more fulfilled than any of those cheerleaders we all have to go through dark times to come out content the other side and youre path will be clear and meaningful where as they will be feeling like flimsy rag cloths with no established purpose. sorry im getting carried away so just remember life IS full of wonderful experiences and in the words of my best friend blessed be haha ;D xxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey. Thanks to everyone for your answers!

Firstly, Spirit_Of_Iona, I didn't know my friends were setting me up on these occasions, it was being done in secret - behind my back.

A few posters suggested I try make-up to make myself look prettier. So tonight I tried make-up (I never really bothered with it before as it seemed false and I didn't like the feel) and Ive got to say I do feel better for wearing it! I haven't over-done it, just eyeliner on my eyes and some mascara - because I consider my eyes to be my best feature so I want to make them more noticable, and I already feel a tiny bit better - more confident maybe. I like my body - Its curvy which I like (not too thin, not too fat) and I dont think that it needs any work, but I will make sure I do my best to maintain its shape.

I already feel more positive!

Again, thanks to everyone who answered!!! :)

x

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (28 July 2008):

O Connor agony aunti love the answer that ChiRaven gave. I cant add more to it!! I think its great for a poster like yourself to get advice from guys as well as girls on this. read it a few times and believe wat he is saying to you. its all true!! and sweetheart just to let you know that the ppl that offend you like that are beneath you and dont deserve your precious time. your beautiful so believe it.!! also email me if you want, i have loads of tips that i could give you and would be more than happy to help you xxx smile

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A female reader, Oceania Mexico +, writes (28 July 2008):

Oceania agony auntNumber one: eventually you will have a boyfriend

Number two: you need to start to belive in yourself and to take more care about your appearance.

I totally agree with ChiRaven.

Learn how to use make up properly. Take your time to do your research in places like internet or magazines. It really DOES help a lot, maybe your not as pretty as you may want to, but you can be very very attractive if you take care of your body, you drees well and you have self confidence.

Just look at the people who have extreme make overs in tv now a days. I'm not talking about plastic surgery, i mean a good haircut, great make up and a good sense of fashion.

good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):

dont worry about not having a boyfriend! i am 16 and still never had a boyfriend and most of my friends havent either. some of my friends who havent are even nearly 18. But just because we havent had a boyfriend doesnt make us ugly! And boys are so imature while they are teens.

heres a tip: instead of looking for your bad qualities look for your good qualities. What are you good at? If you cant think of anything ask your friends and family. They will tell you. Now remember inner beauty is much more important than outside beauty. Although im sure your beautiful in your own way. hope this helps. :)

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (28 July 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntI'll bet you are just a late bloomer and in a couple of years you'll be fighting the guys off. Some girls just take a little longer and at 15 you would just be starting to flower. Relax and try working on your self-confidence, do the exercise Cookie suggested. We all have stories of people we went to high school with who blossomed later than others. Have patience sweetheart.

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A female reader, diamondgal United States +, writes (28 July 2008):

diamondgal agony auntChiRaven is exactly right. GOD has a way of working things out for those who have been oppressed. I was teased mercily in high school, to the point where I have been to thearpy for it. But after high school, GOD allowed me to have some wonderful experiences and opportunities, regardless of what was said about me in school. I too wanted to be pretty and popular and used to look at the cheerleaders and wanted to be like them. One year, I wanted to try out for the squad but the cheerleading coach actually discouraged me (guess I wasn't popular enough). Everything changes once you graduate. GOD allowed me to be a cheerleader, not in high school, but an NFL cheerleader. My point is that some of us do have a tough time in high school. But high school doesn't define who you are and what people tell you now does not define who you are. GOD and you define who you are. You are the very one who will turn into a swan.

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A male reader, dobro United States +, writes (28 July 2008):

dobro agony auntYou certainly will get a boyfriend. I have no doubt.

I feel your pain to some extent. I have been very overweight all my life. I've had people say I'm fat and ugly. They said that out of contempt. But I was never a "good looking" person - far from it. I'm 18 now, 19 in September. Sadly (or perhaps not) I have not had a relationship yet in my life. I do however have very close female friends who trust me deeply and may one day have a relationship with.

You are still in school I assume. Worst place to be when you have low confidence. After you finish school, hopefully you will find you are able to be more yourself and be accepted for it.

You will find someone who cares for you deeply. He may not be interested in a relationship, but I believe a deep friendship like that will give you an idea of how it feels.

Just make sure whoever you end up with, treats you well.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):

Ok, skipping straight to your questions - yes, you will eventually get a boyfriend. Let's assume what you say about your appearance is true: do you honestly believe that all boys are gonna be so handsome that they can pick and choose? There's gonna be so many male equivalents of yourself thinking about themselves the way you do - gotta be!

You can make yourself prettier by THINKING pretty. If you go around believeng you're ugly it's gonna show by your expression. Boys are lookin at you and thinking' "Man, what a miserable-looking cow!" Think pretty and SMILE and you will look pretty. Try it - it'll work I betcha. Ooze confidence and charm and your prettiness will multiply - it's all about self-belief.

Lastly, I don't believe that you are at all ugly. Even if someone loves you dearly, they ain't gonna be so stupid as to blatantly lie to you, they'll probably say you have a certain attraction or something vague like that.

Keep smiling and good luck to you baby.

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A male reader, ChiRaven United States +, writes (28 July 2008):

ChiRaven agony auntShort answers: 1. Yes. 2. By working on it.

Now for the details.

I recently attended my 45th high school class reunion. One of the girls who was considered "ugly" in high school was there. She was an elegant lady, she'd had a wonderful career, had been married to the same man (I met him ... quite a guy) for well over 30 years, and they had three or four kids and several grandchildren. In the long run you'll do fine. It doesn't make it any easier right now, but if you keep at it and never give up on yourself you'll pull through very well.

Now the "prettier" part.

First, start feeling comfortable about yourself. Being self-conscious makes you less attractive right away, so just understand that you are going to be the best "you" that you can be, and people are just going to have to learn to live with that. Accept yourself. Love yourself. You are a lovable person. Understand that from the beginning and you're well on your way to a prettier you.

Now for a few tricks.

First, of course, is make sure your body is in the best shape it can be. That means to pay careful attention to your diet and your exercise program. You can't sit there crying about being ugly if you're not willing to put in the work it takes to get in shape and stay in shape. You know how to do this, so be sure you're doing it. For some people it's a good idea; for you, it's imperative.

Learn to really use makeup well. One advantage that women have is that they are allowed, in our culture, to use cosmetics. Try to find a way to take customized lessons that will show you how to you personally can use these things to your best advantage. It's just amazing how much of a difference careful use of cosmetics can make. If it's done right, skillfully, and with the advantage of customized professional training, people will hardly notice the makeup. But they WILL notice the amazing change in appearance that the cosmetics bring about.

Be careful about your dress. You don't want to be always fussing with your clothes, but make sure that things are neat and clean and that they reflect a sense of who you are (or more correctly, who you want to be).

Finally, if you have a chance, I'd recommend that you take some ballroom dance lessons or something like that. Not that ballroom dance will make you more attractive, but what it will do is improve your consciousness of your body and its movement and give you a sense of poise and presence that will show in the way you move in everyday life as well as on the dance floor. And that is very appealing.

These are a few ideas. I hope some of our other folks here can contribute further ones. But this ought to keep you busy for a while.

And don't give up here. Better days are coming.

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A female reader, PsyCookie United States +, writes (28 July 2008):

PsyCookie agony auntDo you seriously want to be with someone who only wants you for your looks?

You're wrong. Not every guy goes for looks. Maybe guys at your age, but only because they're immature and most of them have one thing in their mind: to get laid.

And looks aren't everything. Many MANY people go for something else when they want a deep, long-term relationship, like compatability, sense of humor, personality. Looks are secondary. Many guys would tell you they will want nothing more than getting laid if the girl they're dating is a foul-mouthed beauty, but probably consider something with someone of average looks who's personality is just awesome.

And like I said, looks don't really matter. I once met two girls when I was in high school. Both were pretty, but one was prettier than the other, but I liked the other one better because she had a better personality than her friend. The prettier girl was too moppy and emo-ish and whined about doing stuff together, meanwhile her friend was way more outgoing and happier looking. In fact, guys noticed this too and I often saw they gave her more attention than her friend.

And beauty doesn't automatically mean you will get asked out. One of my closest friends is a model and has been in beauty peagents, has an amazing personality, is smart and is a good friend, but she rarely is asked out. Our guess is that guys are intimidated by her in some way and probably think she will not accept them when they ask her out.

And have you ever heard of the saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? You have to believe me this is true. There have been MANY examples of hot men/women who go out with people that aren't as good looking. For example, look at Keith Richards and all of his dates, they're gorgeous! But have you looked at the man? He does have an amazing personality and great sense of humor, and he's a big charmer, so this is what makes women attracted to him, not his looks.

Although you may think "the grass is greener on the other side", well you may as well be wrong. Like I said before, beauty isn't everything. You may only want to be someone else just because you want to feel prettier, but it probably won't work. What you're having every woman has it, in fact, I do have it too, but I don't let it get me down because no matter how ugly I think I am, I KNOW I deserve great things because I KNOW I'm a great person, and this is what you should try to think.

A good exercise I have done to make myself believe this is that every morning when I go brush my teeth, I take a minute or two, look myself in the mirror and I SMILE and say outloud: "I'm a beautiful person, both inside and out". It will probably take time for you to convince yourself, but I ASSURE you it will work...just that it will take some time.

Now good luck and do the exercise I told you

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