A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some help, I feel so stupid. This is long - sorry.Me and a guy at work have been flirting for a long time I have always said never to a work thing but one day we were both working late and one thing let to another and we kissed, a bit later it happened again but this time I also gave him a hand job as he asked (he was turn on appparently). Anyway a few months later he gave me a lift home and we kissed. I have known for a long time that he has liked me and he knows I like him, but he said he doesn't like relationships and as my last boyfriend wasn't very nice to me (I am a virgin) I was just so happy that this guy did like me and I thought well I might as well have some fun for once, I also knew he was a bit of a player. However, I have just been told that he has a girlfriend, so I confronted him and he said that he doesn't but he does see someone now and then (what does that mean?). I am gutted, I know we weren't going anywhere but I thought he was single as well, and I keep bumping imto him at work and I feel really stupid and he is just acting as normal, flirting with me and looking at me and the thing is I really really like him and I wanted to take things further, everyone I have asked today for advice says I should still have fun with him as he is technically single and we both know it's not going anywhere, I know I haven't shown any respect for myself so far with my actions and I have never done anything like that before, God even when I do go on dates I never do anything, but with him I just crumble. What should I do?
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (19 November 2009):
 Well, I'll take a slightly different slant than some of the other responders. If your age range is properly stated, then you are certainly entitled in the Western World to enjoy some indulgence. As you stated, "I thought well I might as well have some fun for once, I also knew he was a bit of a player."Indeed, he may be a player, but you would not be the first girl in the world to have some fun with someone who may be good at pleasing a young woman. Just don't expect much more, and he possibly may not be all that great at sex anyway. My suggestion would be to allow him to prove himself first by providing you with oral satisfaction (cunnilingus), and perhaps reciprocate with another hand job but nothing more.If he proves good at "going down" and you greatly enjoy, then it's up to you just how much more fun you wish to enjoy with him. Losing your virginity would be a much more serious matter, and possibly to someone with whom you will not have an ongoing relationship. But you can still have some thrills without going that far. It happens everyday. Yes, it's quite adventurous, but also may be very enjoyable. American girls are perhaps quite a bit more open about such activities than those across the pond.
A
female
reader, shell400 +, writes (18 November 2009):
He sounds like a player. There is a chance that if you mess around with him, he will probably tell everyone at work. Is this something that you can handle?
However, there is nothing wrong with dating someone from work, but you need to make him work for it. Make him take you out and spend time with you before you do anything that you might regret later on.
If he does have a girlfriend and he is spending time with you, then it will come out sooner or later. It always does.
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A
female
reader, arielbriane +, writes (18 November 2009):
 I think its important for you to keep yourself and whats best for you in your mind, and if he isnt ready to have a relationship with JUST you, dont give him the time he doesnt deserve. Im sure youre a great girl and you'll find a good guy someday.
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A
female
reader, super +, writes (18 November 2009):
Dont get your honey where you get your money!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 November 2009):
First of all, at least forgive yourself. You aren't to blame here. You said it yourself, he is a player. 'Seeing someone' sounds to me like there is at least one other woman just like you, who has been swept up in his charm.
I actually don't think you should continue to see him, because I think you want more than fun, and he's not offering anything other than that. Why not let him go, build your confidence up again and meet someone who will respect you and love you, rather than just use you.
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