A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel so disrespected by my husbands family. We went on a family vacation with them to the beach and all his mom did was point out women for my husband to look at right in front of my face. She would say, "Oh, look at her bathing suit. She's pretty!" And she does it not just on the beach but everywhere we go. She lets her husband STARE and comment on women all he wants and she doesnt care. Because it upsets me, she says that i'm just insecure and should let him look whenever he wants. My husband doesn't give in and ogle the women she points out. He just looks, says "yea, she's pretty" and then moves on. I still feel like if he were taking my side then he would just say something to her or not do it at all when she points them out. I just don't even know how to confront this situation.
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Haha I agree with the anon poster about buying a tiny bikini for next time :) Work out extra hard and get a really buff body for your next holiday. Then buy the most flattering, sexy, itty bitty bikini and flaunt your beautiful body in front of her. You will know you are the most sexy woman to your partner and your mum in law can point out whoever she wants, it won't matter because you will know you look smoking :) It might shut her up too. I'm not saying you aren't already smoking, but like really go for it and look your best, in the sexist bikini, then her words mean jack.
Also, there's nothing wrong with appreciating another beautiful female body and sharing this with your man. We are all attracted to many different types of people. He's chosen you as his partner so you are the best in his eyes. Nothing wrong with liking how other look. But what you're mum in law seems to be doing is to try and put you down and wind you up, so play her at her own game or rise above it, annoying as her behavior is. I'd have a bit of fun, why not? :) To the tiny bikini shop with you!
A
female
reader, mollypop  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 it sounds like you handled the situation pretty well. You kept your dignity inact when many woman would have wanted to have slapped her face. Relationships between a son and mother are always a tricky area to navigate but he really should sit down with his mother and tell her that he has chosen to be with you and that her behaviour really isnt appropriate. I hope he realises how cruel his mother is being and he does this sooner rather than later. when you bring it up with your husband you need to do so in a sensitive way i.e. rather than sayng 'your mum is such a @#$' maybe try 'i was wondering if you noticed the other day that your mother was asking you to look at other women when i was around.....why do you think she would have done that and how did it make you feel to have me there whilst she was doing it'. get his perspective oh the problem. he seems like he is a nice guy but dosent know what to do. hold your head up high when your with her, your obviously the better person when she just seems tacky and cruel.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 I can see why you're agitated. Maybe you should tell your husband what you think and see how he reacts. If he is not on your side, then you've got a problem.If he is on your side, then ask him if you can leave the area and live somewhere else. Right away from his mother. I have asshole family members so I know what it's like. People don't change overnight. So his mother is not going to change in a hurry.Often time will take care of these kind of issues. But it's no secret that I think the world is a sad place. And that is why Doctors often have to prescribe large amounts of anti-depressants. I am on strong medication and I still get depressed sometimes.See a Psychologist and they will give you some techniques on how to deal with these problems. They might tell you to change your thoughts to more helpful ones.
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A
male
reader, confusion999 +, writes (14 May 2012):
I think you just did a great job with communicating the issue and I think you should sit down with him and tell him exactly what you put into words here. As long as you talk calmly and explain it without anger but just in a normal tone, it will be okay. One method I use in addition to talking normal and being calm is to hold hands during these types of conversations. I would hold my wife's hand while sitting on our couch and then express what I was feeling.
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A
female
reader, mpumie  +, writes (14 May 2012):
 That is totaly wrong. Mothers in-law are problems everywhere. What is important don't entertain her by acting insecure because she will do whatever to hurt your feeling. My mother doesn't like me as she chose someone else for her son so unfortunately her son chose me. Don't worry about her as long u will tell your man u dont like him watching other woman as ur his wife. And be honest to him and tell him how u feel. Ur with your man for a reason.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): "I still feel like if he were taking my side then he would just say something to her or not do it at all when she points them out. I just don't even know how to confront this situation."I'm guessing hubby's mother, were the same rude, classless person before you married him, which was when you should have addressed the issue. Nothing you can do about it now, his mother isn't going to change a lifetime of behavior to suit an interloping daughter-in-law, and your husband's not going to risk the wrath of his mother to change a lifetime of behavior to suit his latecomer wife. Your husband's coping strategy is actually a smart one: he's basically ignoring her by using polite canned responses to essentially blow her off, a tactic you'd be wise to adopt. Sorry, but you married into that family when you married him, now you're stuck with them. I suggest you defer from further family vacations and limit socializing to one day events at venues requiring fully clothed participation.
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