A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 7 months, my husband was previously with someone for 15 yrs and they have a 9 year old son. I love his son to bits and we get on very well.His mum as you can imagine hates me - from a womans point of view i can understand, but i am on the other side of the fence - i think she always thought she would get back with my husband but then he married me.For example she wouldn't let the boy come to our wedding which caused friction between us and she flipped when i put our wedding picture in the paper and stopped him seeing his son for 2 weeks. She constantly texts my husband, never about their son but always something childish, calling him (i check his phone)he is just as bad replying with equally childish texts. They are like children and their son is a pawn - and i feel like a total outsider my husband acts as though i shouldn't have an opinion on any of this.. i am quite fed up with this now do you have any advice please?? We dont have the money at the moment to go to a solicitor to sort this legally and the goal posts are always changing, my husband puts up with it but i don't want to anymore i am tired with it all - they have been split up for 3 years - will it always be this way?
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his ex, money, split up, text, wedding Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): Unfortunately hunny the answer I believe is yes. Im in a similar situation and have been for 4 years now and its like a roller coaster which never ends. Im at the end of my rope and If you dont have children with this man as well I say turn around and run now. I have to children now with him so its much harder but I've given up. She will never let go and get over him I feel and she's always calling him and trying to get his attention and in my opionion the both of them only want there son around when its convenient for them and there WHATEVER situation.
A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (13 April 2008):
 I am glad you two can talk about this. Everyone says communication is important, but so many don't practice it effectively and kindly. Of course, after he talked the talk, he's gotta walk the walk.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Baby Duck for your reply, we have had a good chat and cleared the air-ish and I have made it clear that i will not carry on this way and should the silliness continue i wont stick around. I know life with ex partners and children is not an easy situation but these two really do take the biscuit! (just incase anyone was wondering my husband was single for 2 years before he met me, he didn't leave her for me)
I will keep an open mind, be flexible but will not be poo poo-ed upon if you know what i mean, i have such a wonderful bond with his son and such a wonderful relationship with my husband normally and i will not let this horrible woman come between us.. i think that is her ultimate goal. Once again thank you for your reply i really appreciate it!
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (12 April 2008):
From what you've shared with us, I would say that he had not totally worked through and released the baggage from his relationship with his ex before he started seeing you.
Will it always be like this? Not if you put an end to it. How? I don't have the first word of advice, given the amount of info you have shared. Don't feel the need to share more with us, but sit him down and tell him that this is going to be an ongoing conversation (you know how much men hate that) until he handles his relationship with his ex appropriately. The understandable resentment that is going to build in you is going to destroy your relationship eventually. Just because the situation is difficult and unpleasant does not mean that he has the right to stick his head in the sand. He has to deal with it, head on. He cannot placate you OR his ex. He has to be straight-forward with you both. There are going to be compromises for you, him and the ex. No one person is going to get her/his wishes all the way. *shoulder shrug* Life can suck like that.
I would research this online ... rephrase your questions every which way and read, read, read. It is quite possible for him and the mother to have an appropriate relationship regarding their son ... there are plenty of people out there that do it. If you are patient and educate yourself, and make yourself understood without being hostile, he will have the opportunity to right this. If not ... then ... well ... it's not like he was not warned.
Best wishes to all of you.
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