A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel lost. It feels like my boyfriend does not love and appreciate me anymore. We've been together 3 years. It just seems he's more excited by talking to his friends than me. We'e doing long distance for a few weeks now because I am student. But when we talk it feels like its out of obligation, like there's little spark or that his mind is elsewhere. When his friends message him he always reads their message when talking to me on skype. And if they are asking him to play a game with him, he rushes the end of the conversation to go play with them. I feel hurt. I feel like he treats me derogitorily because I'm calm and quiet. I'm always nice to him , so maybe he;'s just bored. But he doesn't make an effort because I'm easy to please, I dont ask for much.Last time I visited him I asked to go for a meal with him. He agreed. Later that day when it came to going for the meal, I came home and was getting ready, he was playing games. He came to me and said "why don't we go tomorrow instead, then we can go out after, do 2 things in the one evening?" I told him I can't because I was dressing as a witch for halloween the following day, so couldnt go for a meal dressed like that! Then he just blew up and got really angry! He's never got that angry at me before :( He was saying he hates being made to do things he doesnt want to do. I git upset and started to cry, I couldnt help it I was so shocked, I didnt expect him to react like that. I said lets not go then, I dont want to go if you dont want to. He said, oh and now you're going to think I'm a bastard, aren't you....I just thought as I dont see him much, that it would be good to go out together for a nice meal. He agreed then because he changed his mind without telling me and his plan didnt work out he blew up and tured into an asshole! I still don't get it. Where's the lovely sweet man I used to know. We went for the meal anyway because he wanted to try and rectify what happened, but I felt like shit through it and couldnt eat much.Just before when we were on skype, he told his friend he plays games with that he was talking to me and then he told me he replied, tell her (show her) tits or get off. Now I know theyre just lads being lads etc, but he makes these kind of jokes that make me feel smal and unimportant to him often when he talks to his friends when he plays games. He never used to speak like this about me. Part of me just wants to end it and be done. I just dont want to have to speak to him every day because sometimes I just feel so unhappy and shitty. I love him. I just find being in this relationship messes with my head. Some days I love him, some days I feel so hurt and neglected. Then he tells me he loves me and it should make me happy but it seems like he just says that to make up for not showing me attention. I feel that he says it to just fix things but I don't want him to. Perhaps I am expecting too much from a relationship. Maybe after 3 years guys stop fancying their girlfriend and she becomes just like all the others, a nag and a hassle that is loved but would rather be without sometimes. I just dont feel appreciated and I'm dying for good, frequent sex. We have average 1 a week to 1 a fortnight. He jokes he hates sex now, when in the pub. It's not a joke to me, its a deep, deep hurt and rejection that I cope with because I love him and respect his needs. He has issue with performance anxiety I think and low sex drive, so he does it when he occasionally feels like it, or to keep me happy. I want to believe it when he says he does fancy me very much and love me very much. He seems so earnest when he assures me of this. Just his neglecting of me to play video game with friends, avoiding sexual intimacy with me and joking disrespectfully of me makes me feel so confused. I just don't know what to do. He is still the man I've loved like no one else before and I still love him. It's just these little things that really get to me and perhaps it is me that is at fault and too sensitive but I dont know what to do.
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long distance, sex drive, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): It looks to me that you are drawing the end to this relationship. Now that is going to hurt for three months.
Do you want to suggest to your boyfriend you would like to take a break from him?
If your boyfriend does not want to put out, and publically shames you in this area at the pub, than he is a jerk, simple as that.
The man you have sounds like he can be lovely when he wants to be, but he is putting his mates first. You are aiming at a life time with this bloke, right? Do you really want to be married to someone like that for life?
My advice, a women should never have to go without sex, he might just be bisexual, how do you really know if he says he is not? Just ask a gay guy how many men do not let anyone know that they like men as well as women. However, I really doubt your man is like this, I just think he is simply lazy. And he has become lazy in love.
I personally would move on. I am with the most wonderful bloke, and it has taken me years to get here. My man was in school voted two years in a row for being something like a jerk, apparently hooking up with many women and ditching them, literally leaving one two weeks before 'the' wedding. I have been with him for a long time now, and I can see how he may have been like that, but with age and many years alone after a women tore his soul out by denying him access to his daughter, he is like a dream man to me. My man isn't 25, and I had never been interested in an older man before, but this one is a nice gap above my age, and it looks like with life experiances, the same guy that would charm the pants of women just to dump them, grew into the wonderful man he is to me today.
I am going to say honestly that your man needs to be taught a lesson, and unfortunately it is going to hurt you, but how about you take a break from him and explore other options, after all that is what a break is all about. You might later need to imply your interest in him, that is if you are still interested. See how you go. Remember if we didn't feel pain, anger, happiness we wouldn't be alive.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): You are a creation of God. I don't think that this guy values you any more. You must see yourself having huge value. Take the relationship off your priority list. This guy does not deserve you.
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