A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok I'll keep this brief. I met a girl at the weekend in a bar and we chatted for a while and it was all great. I added her on Facebook and today I plucked up the courage to ask her to meet for a drink. Her friend and her both told me she was single on the night out, yet she replied saying she's been on a couple dates with another guy and she doesn't like dating around even if not official so she'll have to say no, but it's new so if it doesn't work out with him she'll let me know. To be honest I'm a bit pissed - like she wants to keep me in reserve while she dates some other dude. But I don't want to look bitter by telling her to forget it either. What do you think I should do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2015): If you are her spare guy on the side then its only because you choose to be.
She is telling you not to assume that you & her are dating. If you want to move on to other women, then do it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (30 December 2015):
 I get that it hurt your pride a little, you asked her out and she didn't jump at the chance.
What she is doing though IS IMHO the right thing, she has been talking to someone else and are currently going on some dates with him to see if they are a fit.
She might not have meant to come across as "keeping you as a spare" but maybe she felt is was a polite way to turn your offer down. I think you are reading more into her words than she meant.
So what now? Well, since she doesn't want to date multiple men at the same time, you might as well move on and look for another woman to date.
IF she contacts you later on with a "hey he didn't work out, want to go out?" then you can just politely decline.
And next time you want to ask a girl out, do it in person, not over FB.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (30 December 2015):
 You really don't have to call her and tell her to forget it. You can do that all by yourself without telling her that. You may feel bitter about the way she gave you a cold shoulder after a lead on, but you will run into that with girls who don't know what they want. By all counts, this is a rejection irrespective of if her dating claim is true or not (which is what I think) so treat it like any other situation where you meet a girl and she is not the fit: you don't call her and you move on towards another.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2015): I wish there were more honest people like her around !
Most people would date both of you at the same time and then pick one seeing as nothing is official. I would say she is honest and with good morals!
Unluckily the other man got in there first. But I would do nothing.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (30 December 2015):
 Do nothing but go about business as usual. At least she is a decent sort with a moral backbone which is better than being one of two men in a potential love triangle.I'm sure if you and her were having the conversation in person rather than via FB messaging her comment would of come off less offensive.
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