A
male
age
41-50,
*on1975
writes:I met a woman, fell in love with her and she became pregnant. in the very beggining i revealed to her that i had an active warrant out for my arrest and would eventually be doing some time...when she became pregnant i agreed once the baby was born i would turn my self in and face the music get my time over etc.....three months before the baby ws due i got busted and sentenced to 19 months in prison, the first year she visited, wrote constantly, and i was convinced she would be there when i got out...one day the letters stoped she acted compleatly diffrent on the phone even tho i knew there was someone else she compleatly denied it. I recieved a letter from a freind who informed me she was dating someone, confronting her on the phone she downplayed it as freindly banter between her and a coworker, bar, dancing etc but she brought the kid to visit one day and i could tell that she was diffrent so i demanded the truth, she admited to sleeping with him. At this point i was relived to hear that she regretted it, still wanted to be with me and she promised to never lie to me again. she sent a few letters and we talked every day on the phone for two weeks after, then she became distant again but allways dinied things and in fact came up with off the wall stories about staying at her freinds once evan swearing on our child that she could not take my call one night because she put her phone on airplain mode and could not figure out how to fix it....to make a long story short i was over the fact she was sleeping around i knew in my heart that she was but the lies and dishounesty hurt...so now im about three months from release and she becomes this very loving woman, visiting more, wanting me to call more sending photos etc...i suspected that she got played, shes the kind of woman to not fall for a guy unless he puts in a little work but i knew the guy got what he wanted...she allways denied evrything unless i suspected or found out information thru other sources then she would admite little bits and peices but i love this woman with all my heart and would walk thru fire to be with her. so my release day comes she and our child pick me up and we are good for about three days when i decide i want to clean out her car for her, i come accross a used pregnancy test, negative results, but i kind of blow up at her because i feel she is holding alot of details back not that i care to hear about them but i feel like she should be honest as far as the extant of her feelings for the guy instead of down playing it as some fling she cared nothing about......ok so now she admits that she fell hard for the guy twice...the first time he dumped her is when she started to talk to me again then after the truth was all out they got back together for a couple of months and he dumped her agin...it showed me that she bounced back to me after it did not work out with them, we are living together and everything seems in order accept theres a distance about herself now, and i lay in bed asking myself if i would evan be here if he didnt turn out not wanting a relationship with her....i trust her as far as not cheating on me but i dont trust her to tell me the truth because she never dose unless she has too, i know there are still lies that she told me over the course of my incarceration but i just dont want anymore surprises. it doesnt bother me so much that she had sex with this guy it bothers me that she feels she has to lie and be dishounest to me, my question is will i ever ba able to not daubt her? and how do i shake this feeling of second best? I just feel like she will "allways" lie about things to me in our relationship and i dont think thats right to have this oppinion of her i just cant be truelly happy with her unless i i feel she is being honest with me when she talks to me.
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female
reader, supersofi  +, writes (2 August 2012):
 It can be very hard for a woman when her guy is in jail, especially when other guys hit on her and she is going through emotional upheaval. She came to you, explained what had happened (after she'd be caught out) and wanted your forgiveness, she took this forgiveness and abused it. Unless she gets some serious help for whatever is going on with her, you cannot trust her. You may have committed the crime but you've done the time, you've paid back society for the wrong you done now it is time for you to move on with your life. Stay in contact with her regarding your child but start building yourself a better life or the stress will drive you back to the beginning and the circle will start again.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Oh, I see. I am sorry for the situation. I am not sure why, but some people seem to have an addiction to lying. Some people just do not know what they want in life and/or don't know what is the best for them. Have you tried asking her why she seems so distant? If I was feeling distant in a relationship, I would appreciate my man asking me why I felt that way. You may not get an answer you want, but on the other hand, you may get something you could work with to help the relationship.
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A
male
reader, ron1975 +, writes (19 June 2012):
ron1975 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou simply did not take the time to digest my true words, i do appreaciate your responce tho and i have an open mind to your perception, i love this woman, i am NOT in jail, i have been home for three weeks now and want to get past this situation, i dont hold the act of sleeping with another guy against her i simply wish she could be honest with me about things and reasure me that it was simply like you yourself perseive it to be....i get that about being locked up that is something i blame myself but i was honest with her about things before i allowed our relationship to begin because i am an honest person and would like the same in return... you call this drama but really i am compleatly just out for some feedback on my situation and for what its worth your words may of cut a little deep but i still feel better reading them so thank you from the bottom of my heart
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Yes she will always lie and I suspect she will cheat again. As painful as this must be, I suspect she has fallen out of love for you and stays because of the child, and because the fling didn't work into something more. I can't say why she fell out of love, these things sometimes happens. Was it the incarceration thing? An attraction thing? Who knows. But I believe you will always have to keep your eye on her, and wonder how much she is keeping from you. You have done your time, perhaps it's time for you to consider ending this relationship and moving on. You deserve more.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (19 June 2012):
With all due respect, why does any of this matter when you are in prison? You get busted, but you expect her to be a complete saint through all of this? Don't get busted and get put away and expect a woman to stick around. If she had written in to us, we would tell her to take the baby and leave you because you cannot offer her a safe and secure future. With that being said, you should be more concerned about the welfare of your child than all of this drama.
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