A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm just looking for some advice.I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I'm really unhappy.I feel like he isn't really committed to me, I'll give you some examples. He's messaged other girls behind my back and admitted he likes the attention. He hasn't asked me to move in with me and never talks about the future with me, he always gets annoyed whenever I do. He's barely met any of my friends and never offers to come and see my family with me, even though he knows how close we are. He blames it on his dad, saying he never takes his mum out etc and that it's rubbed off on him.I know this sounds ridiculous. Even just typing it out. He's always telling me to find someone else and that I deserve better, as though he's pushing me away but doesn't change anything. I don't know what to do. I've moved home to be closer to him, I've made a career close to where he us - I feel like I've just spent the last 3 years making him happy but nothing has been returned. I don't want to be on my own - I really need some advice from someone who knows nothing about the situation.Thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 January 2017):
 Have you decided what you are going to do? Why settle for him for fear off being alone? When you could be independent for a while and then meet the man who will be the one for you. That will do anything to make you happy. That won't disrespect you and message girls. A guy who will want commitment. Honey they are out there, but you will never find him if you stay with a guy who has no interest in commitment with you.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (16 January 2017):
 The only reason you've clearly stayed with him for 3years is the FEAR of being alone- not because it's love...You've made excuses for him for too long, and he's kept you around because he's a user twat... He knows he's not capable of a loving committed relationship, but doesn't have any regard for you- the time you've wasted, not getting what you deserve, caring for your needs and concerns.You need to get OUT and work on your self esteem- his treatment of you is BAD- not because you deserve that treatment but due to your insecurities about being alone, you've ALLOWED him to push you over. I advise focusing on people that MATTER- family and TRUE friends... and go NO contact to begin the healing process.He knows he's stringing you along and he can't give you what you need, but won't set you free... words are cheap... he realy doest seem to much regard for others. I think you should get some counselling/ cbt or something to raise your self esteem- fear of being alone and allowing this level of neglect is showing youve got some underlyinh issues. Honestly, confident women with good self esteem would put up with this.good lcuk and take care!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your responses everyone, it really means a lot that you've taken your time to respond to me. From the bottom of my heart thank you. What you're all saying makes perfect sense xxx
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (16 January 2017):
 This does appear to be a relationship that has run its course, and just needs someone to bring it to an end. That person looks like it will have to be you, as your boyfriend is unwilling to take that action. Don't be hard on yourself, these things happen and better to end it now than prolong a relationship that isn't working. I wish you well for the future x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 January 2017):
 Now that you wrote it all down did you realize that you don't need our "permission" to dump him?
IT IS a ridiculous excuse that his dad didn't take his mom out so now he doesn't do squat with you, utter bullcrap and YOU know it.
TAKE him up on his words and leave. YOU can do better and you know it. HE knows it.
Would it be possible to transfer your job to a place closer to your family? If so I'd look into that.
Since you don't live together, I suggest next time you spend time at his house that you pack up whatever you have there and take it home, box up all HIS belongs at your place and give them to him, then dump him, cut the contact and focus on WHAT you want out of life.
OP, you HAVE you realize that you can't RUN a healthy relationship ALL by yourself if he isn't willing (and he hasn't been so far) then MOVE on.
I think it's a GOOD thing you two aren't living together, it will make it A LOT easier for you to cut the contact and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2017): HiApart from the fact that it's obviously making you very unhappy, he has actually told you to go! He wants you to go, but doesn't know how to finish it himself, or isn't brave enough to, so he makes you miserable in the hope that you'll leave. You're still there, so now he's resorted to telling you that you'd be happier with someone else. Please listen to him. He means what he says. You have to leave him. He has no respect for you at all and couldn't care less about your feelings. Plus HE WANTS YOU TO!! You'll be fine on your own, I'm on my own at the moment and I enjoy it so much. I'm free to plan my week how I want to. Fill your time with things that inspire you, interest you and you will become happier in your own company. You will meet new people and you'll meet someone in time who wants to be with you. A feeling worth waiting for. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 January 2017):
 Sometimes being on our own is better than being with somebody who saps our energy, who isn't interested in recognising a relationship has flaws and requires some work.
By telling you to find somebody else your boyfriend is demonstrating he lazy, he doesn't care much if you stay or go ... that must be so demoralising. Think about it, you say you don't want to be alone, but really, are you with him? In body maybe there are two of you, but there is no spiritual or emotional connection, and that can be much, much lonelier than being alone physically.
Get the sheet of paper out, draw a line down the middle and start listing the positives and the negatives ... in other words weigh the relationship up and decide if there are enough positives to stay and work on or if there are more negatives then plan your life without him.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, AskCatherine  +, writes (15 January 2017):
Trying to put myself into your shoes, i know that speaking of a future can be something which instantly puts the other person off.
They may feel like you are rushing them into something which they do not want.
You need to be your main priority. Make sure that whatever you do, makes you happy. Whether that is moving on from him, and finding someone else who may just be the one to fill the missing gap.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 January 2017):
 So why don't you do as he says and find someone else?
How can you build a future with someone who won't discuss it?
Are you actually just staying with him because you don't want to be alone? Being alone is better than being in a relationship that's not working.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2017): You are making life changing decisions to be with someone who has not changed any aspect of himself to be with you. The question is why would you limit your chances for your career and close down your choices for life by moving back home?
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