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I feel like my Bf is pulling away. He rarely instigates sex now. Am I being needy?

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 October 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 October 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I feel like my boyfriend is pulling away.

We've been together just over three years. Had our ups and downs.

Just the past few weeks he doesn't really respond to texts and home calls. I mean we live together but he works until after 9 pm then comes home and we go to bed. So it's not like we're together all the time. Last few days I haven't called or text him once during the day and he hasn't even bothered to send me a text or anything to ask how my day is.

I'm upset by this but I don't want to bring it up in case I am being needy. Am I? Also he rarely instigates sex anymore.

Yet were meant to be saving for a house and I'm off the pill as we are 'not trying not preventing' conceiving a baby. I feel like he cares less and less these days though ...

View related questions: text, the pill

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 October 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI'd say GO BACK on the pill asap.

If this is how he handles stress, DO NOT add a baby. Not right now. How do you see it working with a baby if he works every day till 9pm? THAT means YOU being there BY yourself with a little one. CONSTANTLY. Nothing in his actions shows that he WILL stay with you if you get pregnant.

I do agree with Janniepeg that MAYBE the reason for him to not instigate sex is basically him trying to avoid knocking you up. And partly I think it's stress too.

You have tried to pull back a little and NOT text/call him and he didn't pick up the slack. So either he is FINE with no contact during the day or he feels like it's too much hassle. Maybe because he sees yo when he gets home. I'[m not a big texter, neither is my hubby - we DO NOT text during the day - if he wants to remind me of something or vice verse we use texts or calling (tesxting is often a little easier as NEITHER of us carry around our phone through out the day, but we BOTH check it during the day) We do NOT use it as our main mode of communication. WE talk to each other instead.

You two NEED to talk and not after his long day at work, I'm sure he has some days off too, and THAT is a good time to sort this out.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (28 October 2015):

janniepeg agony auntHe doesn't act like he's enthusiastic about marriage and having kids. Maybe he mentioned those things before and now he is apprehensive about it. He doesn't want sex but is afraid to tell you he's not ready to have kids and is embarrassed to admit it.

What you need to know now is, is he stalling because he needs more time, or is he turned off by the idea of marriage completely. So you can expect whether to wait for him or break up. You can only be supportive if he's upfront with you and not leave you hanging.

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A female reader, Slippers  United Kingdom +, writes (28 October 2015):

Sometimes the reality of settling for good; can be hard one for some .. The saving for a house is reality .. The not preventing having a baby is reality .. These two things are massive steps and maybe he finds the reality overwhelming .. so he has decided to emotional check out.

Here my two penny's worth .. as a mental health nurse .. I would say that open communication is a must in any relationship .. so prepare for the worse .. what if he doesn't want to have a mortgage? Or that trying for a baby is to much ?

How are you going to feel ..react .. you must ask yourself these q's ..

You can't make anyone stay with you or do something they are not prepared for .. However that doesn't mean you wait around while he makes up his mind ..

If this is deal breaker then stick to it .. you can't wait around hoping he will change so take the bull by the horns

Have a nice dinner and then ask him if these two things are bothering him .. esp him withdrawing from sex as without it there no baby . So to me there is a link ..

Get him to tell you how he feels .. If these are not the issue then ask him outright why he isn't communicating it isn't unreasonable for a text or two during the day infact for me it keeps my amber burning to hear from my hubby even if it's for 5 mins

So no your not asking for a lot .. shutting you out doesn't help and neither does not being loving .. whatever is the matter or the worry .. you two need to talk .. your not a mind reader .. so he needs to be open .

So take care and if you need us .. We are always here ..

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