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I feel like more of a sulky teen than an adult!

Tagged as: Crushes, Family, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 December 2013) 7 Answers - (Newest, 18 December 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

hello, hope you can help am living with my boyfriend and we are really happy things are going great, am in danger of sounding like a spoilt brat so please bear with me... my boyfriends ex (a girl he really liked who he dated for a while) is due to have a part in my favourite soap opera.. shes an actress and has just got a long running part (just read in the paper and i ripped the page out before he came home) well we both watch the soap so do my family and especially his mum - so they'll all be there watching his hot ex - reading in magazines no doubt how hot she is with bikini shots :( and then theres me with a boring stressful office job - theres no comparisson - please tell me how to get through this with dignity and as an adult as i already feel like a sulky teenager, am normally not too bad with jealousy but i cant compare with a hot actress who all the critics and magazines love??? :(

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks for your responses, I am a jealous person and he knows this, my first fiancé slept with someone else, my ex husband cheated on me and its really affected me badly... I guess I am just waiting for him to do something too - without sounding horrible I don't care how hard her life may be but I will find it difficult sitting watching her on screen with him I just don't think I can do it, i'll have to make sure I'm busy or we do things instead of watch tv ;) I appreciate your comment though and am grateful you took the time to answer x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2013):

Its because you think that you are what you do for work.

We are not what we do for work. Most people don't have significant jobs.

I was stay at home mom, and people used to judge me because I didn't have a "real" job. But now when my kids grew and became decent adults who are very close with their mother , now those who judged me think differently. Your job is just a job, most people have jobs because they need to make a living.

Your boyfriend is with you not because of your job, otherwise he would probably be with her, right?

There are other aspects of a human being, like characters traits,physical qualities that men appreciate and picked their women based on it. I wouldn't imagine that any man would make his choice based n a woman's job.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (12 December 2013):

Tisha-1 agony auntOne of my husband's high school classmates is an actress in LA. I met her at a recent reunion. She's very pretty and a lot of fun. She's also single and I think has been for a long time. I think she's high maintenance and very vain.

What did I do? I admit I felt some moments of envy, she lives in LA, she has parts on major TV shows, and then, I realized, she's just a woman doing her job, which happens to be acting.

I think it's a tough job and bless her for sticking it out, they don't hand out choice parts to older women like candy, do they?

I know he's not going to up and leave me for her. He's not going to make inappropriate contact with her. In fact, I'm the one who wound up with her contact details because he didn't have his phone with him.

Relax. Breathe. Act! Act like you are happy for her success and wish her well.

You can't compare to a hot actress, don't even try. You are you and you are unique and beautiful and special. You don't need some awful papparazzi or fleet street freaks to tell you otherwise.

Reach into yourself, find that wise woman, that source of femininity, the part of you that is deeper than exterior wrinkles and sags, the part of you that knows you are silly for worrying so much how to handle it.

With any luck, the soap will be broadcast in HD and you'll see every pit and wrinkle on her face and you'll suddenly have the realization that she's just another aging person, sharing the planet with you and is not a threat or something to be feared.

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A female reader, Euphoric29 Germany +, writes (12 December 2013):

Dear OP,

You are really happy with your boyfriend and things are going great. Hold on to that! He chose you over his ex and if he really minded you "only" have an office job, he wouldn't have dated you in the first place.

The woman might look hot to you.. but maybe when HE looks at her, he remembers all the little things that went wrong when they were together, the reasons why they broke up.. and he knows that when she's on screen, she looks different than in the morning, without her make up. He knows her flaws and I don't think he can be fooled into liking her again when he sees her on tv. Unless he was never over her anyway. But judging from your post, it sounds like the past is the past for him.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (12 December 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI think YouWish has it nailed. Don't be jealous of her...you've got him.. not her. and seriously remember LOOKS FADE over time.

The only thing I would do is make sure he knows about it since you ripped the page out so he wouldn't see it (or because you had a lapse in judgement) and he may hear someone say "Hey I saw in the paper your ex is going to...."

LOOKING jealous and catty is way worse than BEING jealous and catty.

My mom worked in "the business" as it is sometimes called... it's not pretty or glamorous all the time... and yes female stars are stalked and have obsessive fans both male and female that make their lives a living hell... be glad you won't need a body guard to go to the store.

You get a zit or have a cold and you still can do your job... she can't. she's nothing but a walking talking pretty picture.... YOU have substance. Does she?

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (12 December 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI suggest that you re-read this submittal... again and again... paying close attention to the top line, which shows a British flag, and gives your age as "36-40".... then, say to yourself: "This (the submittal) is no way for a woman of 36-40 to act...."

That should be just what you need to get past this...

Good luck..... Now, go have a cup of tea....

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (12 December 2013):

YouWish agony auntNah, you're not acting like a spoiled brat or a sulky teen. Sometimes many of us have indulged the catty fantasy of our partner's exes living miserably ever after, oh yeah, and we're much prettier than that ex. That one's secondary to the fantasy of our own exes regretting forever the day they left us.

You are in a position that is unusual, because most of us don't have celebrities so close to that "6 degrees of separation" quotient as you do. Why do you need to compare? She's as human as you are, now has a much more claustrophobic life. I know the daughter of a famous stunt director who did work in many movies and TV series and would talk about how many of the female stars would deal with stalkers as part of life. Kristen Kreuk had one at the time that was very frightening - security on set was seriously beefed up until he was put away.

He chose *you*. That means, in his eyes, you are better than soap star ex. Your life may not be glitzy, but you don't have to put up with all the crap she does either, and if he were with her, he'd have to put up with all of that as well by nutballs believing that she's telepathically seducing them.

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