A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing a guy 5 months ago. At the beginning we weren't serious and he took some time out when he had a few problems with his daughter. Things are now good between us but the trouble is I have suspicions he slept with 1, maybe 2 people when we weren't in contact for a month in those early days.Whilst we weren't in a relationship and technically he did nothing wrong I can't help but feel betrayed as I'd never dream of doing that (I know it sounds crazy as it may not have even happened!).Question is how do I let it go? Or should I ask and risk getting an answer I don't want to hear? I feel like it's tarnished the beginning of our relationship and don't know if I can get past that but I'm aware I may be stressing over something that didn't happen. Am I completely overreacting? I'm starting to worry that if he cared that little about me at the beginning he could easily do it again at any time. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (6 May 2014):
The reason you would feel betrayed is because (I presume) that he specifically asked for time out to help his daughter. So, if he slept with other women of course you would feel like that. It would have been a lie. If you are right. He could have been with you instead! Instead he took the opportunity for sex with other women? Think carefully about this. Do you really think he did that or are you upset with him for asking for space? I would be useful to know whether you need an STD check. If he did take advantage of him time, you must think what you want to happen. I don't know what the troubles with his daughter were and whether he would be likely to be so easily able to put effort into meeting other women or not. It is obvious that you don't trust him. Is that because of your past, or do you have good grounds, as in facts, which lead you to think this way?What do you want to happen? Would you like some reassurance and to stay with him? It will be hard to get without making some kind of accusation. I think you should take him at face value if he is a god man. My mum always says, "If the plant looks good don't pull it up to check the roots".
A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (6 May 2014):
 Hi,
So I think what you're asking is, 'if something did in fact happen can I still be in a relationship with him?'
I suspect, you have already decided where to draw the line in your mind. Whether he cheated or not (or technically slept with someone on a break) you can't let it go. It will niggle at you and erode the relationship a day at a time until something breaks.
It doesn't matter whether it happened or not, you have the niggle in your head already, and once there it can't just be removed.
I would say that it's time to leave this relationship behind and move onto another.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (6 May 2014):
I hate to sound like a bit*$! but you need to get over it! It is none of your business who he slept with in his past.....key word PAST. You were not together and he was living his life.
If you are concerned about STD's then ask him that.
If you don't not get over this "betrayal" your relationship will never work.
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (6 May 2014):
Hi, I can understand that this is affecting you. I do not think it will go away by just carrying on. Therefore, you will have to address the situation with him. Beforehand, make sure you know what you would do before you hear his answers. For example, if he was with a girl, will you then close the relationship? Or, forgive and forget, (all that stuff!) One thing though, he may say he did nothing and then would you believe him? That's another issue that could haunt you further if you are not convinced. However, deep down, you will know in your heart what you really want to do. You may say to yourself, 'we weren't together when he had the women so it's not cheating.'But, if this affects you in your mind and wont go away, (it rarely does) then I'd say it would be best to leave the relationship and stay fresh with a new guy. Let us know how this goes with a follow up! Thanks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): So you've really only been seeing him for 3 months? A month break is a fair bit. I guess I'm wondering why, if you asked and got an answer you didn't like, you'd stay. If you wouldn't leave him even if he did do it, don't ask (but get STD tests done!) If you would consider leaving him, it means you'd rather know, so ask and cross that bridge when you get to it. Good luck!
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