A
female
age
36-40,
*uriouscatxoxo
writes:Dear Cupid, I'm 23 years old and have been in my relationship since I was nineteen, so we're going on four years now. We live together, have a dog, and are partners and best friends! The problem is... I feel like i'm missing out on my youth - I know to some people this will sound trite, but I want to play the field and have fun! I miss being flirty and wearing nice clothes. Now I don't care what I look like and I'm in my pajamas all the time etc. I could see marrying this guy but in like 10 years! I sometimes feel like this all happened too soon. I'd like to be able to have sex with different people! However! I can't bring myself to break up with him because the other half of me says I'll regret it, he didn't do anything wrong, and i can't let go...I do love him and breaking his heart would break mine too! Help! Do I stay or do I go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): I am in this situation reversed and im sorry but all I can say is what the hell are you thinking? You have EVERYTHING you want EVERYTHING you need so WHY are you being so silly? He makes you happy yes?! Then nothing else happens, you could turn around in 2 months and think to yourself why the hell did i do that? And by then you might have lost him for good! Your 23 not 16 so stop acting like it! I have been with my boyfriend basically since I was 14 and im 20 now and ive told him the same thing as im telling you! What you are doing is only going to hurt both of you in the long run. You could see yourself marrying him? And you love him so STOP it! Sleeping around is only guna be fun for a little while and then you are going to get lonely, being with someone you love is for life, please dont ruin it for yourself. Not to mention you will break his heart! Trust me i know! please think before you make any rash decisions cause this could end up as the worst decision of your life. x
A
female
reader, lucyjoice  +, writes (18 March 2010):
hellofirstly i would like to ask what decision if any you have come to?I was really struck by your post as it is almost identical to my situation. I have been with my partner since i was 18 and i am now 23. We are best friends, so compatable, love each other, fancy each other, and we have grown up to become adults together. I could also see my self marrying him in 10 years. I have decided we have to go on a break. What made me realise this is that although i could imagine being happy with him forever and having children with him and everything being wonderful, that isnt going to make me happy right now. And also i have loved the past 6 years with him i feel a strong urge to be myself and to discover who myself is. I feel a need to have experiences and feel things i have never felt. I guess there may be a few differences in our situations that mean i know i will not be happy without those experiences. One is that i recently came out bisexual and another is that i have never allowed myself to experience the passion and intensity stages of love, due to certain issues i had blocking and repressing this side of me. So me and my partner missed out on that and i feel like i need to go and feel those feelings. And yes i may miss my partner and we may not get back together but i will never regret it, i think i will regret not experiencing passion and intense love before i die...You may be lucky enough to have experienced that with ur partner in the early stages, in which case perhaps a break up isnt such a good idea. Communicating how you feel to ur partner can help, talking is always the key. Also who is to say relationships have to be monogomous, you could go to swingers parties! lol. You could have an open relationship...or you could even go on a break for some time to go travelling and work out what you really want, lots of couples do this and i have met lots who have got back together in the end and got married...Do what will make u happy. And communicate with ur partner...Good luck:)
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 January 2010):
 You need to start getting flirty and wearing nice clothes with your man! I would tell you, eh - break up with him, go do your thing, enjoy being single. But, you're partners, best friends and this sounds like a great relationship. Why ruin that to sleep with a few scum bags who will only make you miss what you had? You can still dress up and go out with the girls, there's no reason not to - and you can still flirt shamelessly with your fella and have it feel hot.
Does he make your checklist? Really think about this - if he is perfect for YOU and is total marriage material, it would be a real shame to throw that out the window. You know, I started dating my fella at 19, lost my virginity to him (even though he had been around the block), and just 8 months ago we got married - I had just turned 23. I had the same thoughts as you, but the more I looked around at guys, the more I thought - "these guys don't even come close to what I have". I know they could never understand me and make me as happy as what my guy. So yeah, I never got the chance to sleep around, gain some wild stories and one-night-stands, but I consider myself extremely lucky for finding my fella early. Some people don't meet their "soul mate" (or whatever you want to call it) until much, much farther down the road.
If you really feel like this relationship isn't right, then go ahead and break it off and do the single thing until you find another guy who makes you happier. But, if the relationship is right and you're just feeling antsy - you need to put in the effort (both of you need to put in the effort), to put the *sha-zam* back in your relationship. Fl in love with him all over again. Do some crazy things, go on new adventures, get wickedly sexy for him, seduce him all over again.
Good luck, sweetness!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): i agree.
you really shouldnt give up someone who will go through a wall for you...kinda stupid to be thinking that...especially at this stage in the relationship. Besides..who says that sex with him cant be interesting? make it creative! do something unorthodox when you're together! I wouldnt give him up if i were you..
-C
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 January 2010):
Why ruin a really great thing for the sake of sleeping around? You say you love him that much, but if you're thinking like this, maybe you don't. The fact is, break up with him and you'll lose him. And for what? So you can go out and sleep around. If you want to have fun, then by all means do it, but be prepared that you won't be able to walk back into his life. You will have to let him go. Decide what is more important to you. Your boyfriend, who has been committed and loves you and lives with you, or just sleeping around.
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A
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reader, Gridrebel +, writes (30 January 2010):
 It appears as you might be taking your partner for granted. You have become comfortable with each other, to the point of you being bored. Maybe communicating your concerns to him without identifying him as the problem would give you both insight so that each of you can think of things to obliterate this destructive dissatisfaction. You can dress up for him, flirt with him etc. As far as wanting to have sex with other people, why? What are the "other" people going to do for you that your partner can't? You seem be be missing passion in your relationship but this happens in many relationships. It is up to you (both) to put the passion back. It takes effort to keep romance and passion alive, constant effort. Who knows, he may be feeling much the same about you! Just off the top, it doesn't sound as if you are really "in love" with him, but more of a brotherly love.
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