A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok heres my story... im a 22 year old female and my boyfriend is 24 years old. he is my first EVERYTHING (i lost my virginity to him at 22 by the way). and i recently found out by him that he has been with 12 other girls before me. i already knew he was promiscuous before i dated him but i didnt know the exact number...knowing that he has slept with 12 other people kind of bothers me, i now think that since he has had that past experience he now knows what he wants in a relationship (he says im special and he loves me) BUT since i have only been with him how do i know for sure that i even love him back? i think like i might be missing out...like i need to have more experience in sex and dating to know exactly what i want in a relationship like he did. im not sure what do to...how am i really sure if i even love him the way he loves me? ive never experienced other relationships with different kinds of guys so how do i know for sure? its kind of confusing. i just want some advice!! do i stay with him just because he says he loves me and i think i feel the same OR should i go out and date more so i have more of an idea on what kind of guy i want a relationship with? i feel so confused :/ ??!? i am happy with him but i cant help but feel like im missing out and i also feel like another notch on his belt, which makes me feel dirty and sad (to me 12 sexual partners is a lot) now that i know this i think "*SIGH* im just #13..nothing special". and he was my first soo obviously hes special to me but i dont feel like im special for him, just another notch on his belt... :(SO any advice, thoughts, similar situations would be greatly appreciated!! thanks for reading by the way!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): Partners with mismatched sexual histories are a bad sign for compatibility in general. It's not just the sex, it's the different types of people that have different histories.
This subject comes up all the time. But people are always so busy being politically correct about casual sex that we won't talk about it.
A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 You say u dont feel special to him coz ur notch no.13...and thats where all your issues are coming from
So what if he has had 12 before you? Do you know why they didnt work out,were they just flings or actual relationships? Were they all not compatible or just didnt work out?
Have you sat down and discussed with him how you feel about it all(the other 12)?
It sounds to me like you are a tad bit insecure about it all,fearing that you may not be as good as the previous exes
You say that since he has had alot of previous experience you also feel you need experience
Is it a competition to you where you at least have to match the notch tally for you both to experience a good relationship?
Let me ask you,what it is that you actually seek out of your relationship with him,do you see it as a long term thing?
Do u just want a BF coz its the norm or just coz u are lonely? You need to have a purpose as to wanting to have this relationship
Are you both satisfied sexually and do you connect emotionally? Do you make each other happy and compliment each other well?
So many people get into meaningless relationships for the wrong reasons and with no purpose whatsoever and many have ended badly,leaving bitter wounded individuals along the way
So WHATS YOUR PURPOSE??
You need to communicate with your guy about how you feel like you have demonstrated here
I think youre also insecure that he may not feel as strongly for you as you feel for him and not becoz he has told you that he loves you or that he has had 12 previos partnerz
You both need to figure out the purpose to your relationship,especialy you before you start to consider whether the grass might be greener on the other side
You need to both sit down and discuss what you both want out of the relationship
Be smart and dont go making mistakes that scar bad
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (5 July 2011):
Much has already been said by YouWish but i'd like to stress the point that just because you're 13th, that doesn't mean you're not special to him. He loves you and im sure he'd be disappointed if heard what you're saying. Are you just going through a phase? If he were to tell you right now that it's over are you sure you wouldn't mind?
My advice is, stay with him because he truly loves you, and im sure you love him too but you're just confused. If it bothers you that much however, go on out and sow your wild oats!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 July 2011):
 You are not missing out at all. The fact that he was your first and you've not had 12 other partners doesn't make your experience any less. If you do love him, don't consider dating just to even the playing field, because it won't, and you'll end up feeling empty and regretful.
You made a life decision to wait until you were in love with someone. That is your decision...your life story. Your boyfriend respected your decision to wait immensely. You mean so much more to him than #13.
However, and I want to make this clear...if you feel as if he's not for you and you don't love him, then break up and move on. However, I don't think that is what's going on.
How long did you wait until you had sex with him the first time? I'm guessing the two of you took time to build your relationship before you took that step, right? If you were a notch on his bedpost so to speak, he wouldn't take that time with you. He wouldn't tell you he loves you. He wouldn't still be with you after getting his notch. He's with you now, and he's stayed. That is indicative of not looking at you as a notch.
You are feeling inadequate, as if you don't measure up. Believe me, you do. You did what he didn't have the willpower to do. You waited and valued your sexuality. I would bet anything that he might have felt inadequate...and really lucky and maybe unworthy that he found someone who cherished him enough to wait. If you had just been a notch, he would have used, then ditched you.
Think of it this way. So he had 12 girls before you. He carries the baggage of relationship failures, performance embarrassments, bad memories, and overall regrets that he wishes he never had to have. You, however, found a guy you really cared for. You don't have past relationship regrets. You don't have past relationship failures. You have a clean slate and the ability to have intimate sex with a guy you really care for...lots and lots...and lots of sex.
I've always said that I'd rather have sex 6,000 times with the same wonderful man than have sex one time with 6,000 different men. Don't worry. You stand on every bit of equal footing as your boyfriend. You are as free in the relationship to love and cherish him as he does you, or to leave. You *are* special. You gave him something really precious.
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