A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello guys I hope you all are doing wellAs for me I could be doing betterI had just official lost a friend todayIn my eyes, it was for no good reasonSo my question is Did I handle this situation the right way. I felt I could have handled it a little better but im not sure.At first me and him were really coolAnd we hugged ALOT and stuff(playful affection)However as the months flew by he became distant and more distant and I didn't know why and he did not give me an explanation And suddenly started ignoring me(disregarding me) while I was right infront of himHe did not tell me how he felt at all until I started expressing my feelings (saying how he treated me like he didn't like me) He said that were rumors were spreading around,saying that we were going out and that we couldn't 'play' anymore.which I understood but then he kept on ignoring me so I was like are we not friends anymoreAnd he said no,sorry,if we both wanna keep our rep and image up we can't.I wanna graduate from this school with a clean slate and I know u wouldn't want anyone talking behind your back either.It went downhill inside of me from there. I was shocked that he was actually like thatLike who gives a dirty rat's behind what anybody says, I feel like people should mind their own business.And no I don't care about graduating out of school with a clean slate because it's not like I'll ever see my classmates againPlus I'm not even much a bad kid, I treat people with respect but that doesn't mean I bend my back trying to make people like me. I don't care if people talk behind my back if they don't matter to me.I had a friend who I was equally affectionate with. he was one of my true friends and still is today.... If anyone asked if we were going out.We simply said no and if they teased us we moved on and did our own thing........so I told the kid that I don't really give a ***k about ppl talking about me basically and that he could go around caring about what other ppl thought about him but not me.But I felt bad afterwards because I felt guilty. Like I lost a friend because it was all my fault. We hugged too much...or whatever?What should I do? Do I do the right thing? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 But... couldn't you stay friends without the hugs ? Why being so touchy-feely ? I found curious that this hugs-no hugs controversy seem just to crop up with male/female friends ,- nobody wants to be always wrapped around, or hold hands,with a same sex friend, they always want physical affection from a friend of the opposite gender.
Yes, an excessive, constant display of intimacy and closeness may make people think that you two are an item, and why shouldn't they, if you adopt the typical gestures of a couple,it's a logical conclusion. And it's normal that it may bother him- other girls may think that he is unavailable ,you could cramp his style. Or, he feels no physical attraction to you and does not want to come off to your mates as if he were. I think it's correct from him not wanting to misrepresent the real situation .
I think that if " too many hugs " was the only issues between you, you could have just said : ok, we are friends but no more hugs now. There's no need for " playing affection " between platonic friends.
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (23 April 2012):
But... couldn't you stay friends without the hugs ? Why being so touchy-feely ? I found curious that this hugs-no hugs controversy seem just to crop up with male/female friends ,- nobody wants to be always wrapped around, or hold hands,with a same sex friend, they always want physical affection from a friend of the opposite gender.
Yes, an excessive, constant display of intimacy and closeness may make people think that you two are an item, and why shouldn't they, if you adopt the typical gestures of a couple,it's a logical conclusion. And it's normal that it may bother him- other girls may think that he is unavailable ,you could cramp his style. Or, he feels no physical attraction to you and does not want to come off to your mates as if he were. I think it's correct from him not wanting to misrepresent the real situation .
I think that if " too many hugs " was the only issues between you, you could have just said : ok, we are friends but no more hugs now. There's no need for " playing affection " between platonic friends.
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A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Your hurt and I understand but keep your cool don't lower yourself to the rest hold your head high just be you. He has handled this badly but you are both kids and other kids at school have a huge impact on others especially when you and him are the brunt of this rumor.He has handled it the best way he could yes it wasn't goo but he has mates that he has to be around to ..... So don't be angry be smart handle things the right way and just try and understand the pressure was on him.As for you. Don't lower yourself to a bitter angry person be the girl he knows and stay her .. People talk and yes it does hurt no matter how much you say you don't care we all do. Because it hurts be strong and you will find the less commotion about this rumor the quicker people forget . And I will bet the moon he will say sorry to you for the way he handled things because you stayed true to yourself
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