A
female
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anonymous
writes:hi,Ive just recently started dating this boy, and yesterday we were talkin about past relationships and he told me about the girl he lost his virginity to. He told me he loved her, but while he was goin out with her she died.He didn't go into details because i could see it was bringin back bad memories, but i now feel guilty like ive taken him off her. I now its silly but i cant stop feeling guilty. What can i do about this? my bf just thinks im bein silly xx plz help xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Thanks for clarifying things for me. So why do you feel you've taken him off her? She's dead now, gone and although it is very sad it's a fact. What they had together was probably very special and he'll always remember her because she was the first woman he ever slept with but it's all in the past now and he's decided to move on.
You haven't taken him off her, HE CHOSE YOU! He's the one that has to move forward and he's obviously decided you're just the kind of woman he'd like to move forward with so you should feel good about that! Don't beat yourself up about something that was in the past and don't try to compete with her, it will only put a strain on your relationship.
Everyone in this world is unique, every one of us have unique qualities and special gifts we can share with others. He wants to share his with you and get to know you better. Don't push him away, welcome him and continue to get to know him and bond with him. You two may end up having something very special if you just be your bright, bubbly self.
I wish you both all the very best.
Eve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi eve in response to ya questions him and his ex were both 17, they went out for 6 months,she died last year, he started going out with me earlier this year. hope ths answers ya question eve.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 February 2007):
How old is he and how old was his ex? How long were they together? How long ago did she die before he got together with you? Please email me if you want any more help here.
Eve
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (5 February 2007):
 I dont think you are being silly at all. However, fate or chance took him off her not yourself. Also, to be blunt he needs to move on and live his life and you are helping with that; obviously this girl is always going to hold a special place in his heart due to the circumstances but the brutal reality is that she has gone. Her memory will live on through him but in the here and now you are the one who can make him happy.
I am sure she would have wished him to be happy so if you can make that happen then I am sure you would do with her blessing and well-wishes. Thus you are not stealing him, quite the reverse. You cant ever be this person, nor should you try to be. You should just try to be yourself and make him happy as yourself. Hope that helps. Take care.
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A
female
reader, geogurl +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Though he's still greiving for the loss of her clearly i think he wants to move on and get on with his life by being in a relationship with you.
You haven't taken him off her. Deep down you know that but are trying to be both sympathetic and empathetic with your bf.
Try not to focus on this. It's nothing to worry about, but maybe think about treding easily on the subject, for a while at least. He'll come to you when he's ready to talk about it.
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