A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have been dating for almost three months and are close although we are at different periods of our lives. We have known each other for quite some time and work together very well.I am ten years younger than him and now just settling in confortably both at work and at home. He is going through a difficult time with his father's serious illness, a crazy job with too much travelling and generally somewhat of the blues. He is a kind, attractive and successful man who makes me very happy the vast majority of the time.But, I feel insecure about our relationship for two major reasons: 1. he has told me once, and early on, that he wanted this to remain a "happy" relationship with no promises for the future(I understood this as no commitment) and 2. he is very often gone for work, and is tired when at home, which is easy to understand but harder to live when insecure because you easily feel rejected.After he told me that he just wanted a "happy" relationship I decided to give it space and not get too attached. However, things have evolved since then, we are much closer, he talks openly with me about his life, parents, etc and listens attentively when I open up. He is in contact with me regularly throughout the day no matter where he is, plans dates and outings, is caring... I am getting attached.However, I don't want to fall in love with a man who does not want to love me, nor do I want to leave a relationship that currently makes me happy. Most of the time I feel that I should wait it out and see, and sometimes I feel angry/sad because I don't know where I stand. Please help by giving this an outsider's perspective!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sydnee  +, writes (8 February 2010):
Dear AnonAs Caringguy says the realtionship is too young to be discussing a future whole heartedly however asking him straight may ease your minddo you love me and do we have a futureif he beats around the bush the answer is no if he says he is unsure as the relationship is so young accept it but be prepared for him to think you are rushing into thingsyou wont be able to control your emotions for much longer so an open and honest discussion might be the way forward but like Caringguy says those things may not stand up in 3 months timeGood LuckSydnee x
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 February 2010):
It is still a little too soon for anyone to making complete life plans. It's only been three months, so you really need to give it more time. At six months, you will need to have your 'future' talk again and this time see what he says.
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