A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi - really stuck at the moment feel pretty desperate about my situation. I have a (very) long distance relationship with my boyfriend (3 years total) and we are very much in love. We have only managed to see each other twice in the last 18 months since he moved away and I was due to see him this Xmas - we have dreamt of spending Xmas day together for so long and I wanted to spend about 6 weeks with him this time.In the last 2 weeks my Grandma has become terribly ill and the doctors are not very positive at all - she is in her 90s and had a heart attack and fell breaking her leg badly. They cannot operate. She falls in and out of consciousness and is very weak.I'm not sure how long her situation will continue and what to do for the best. My boyfriend is putting no pressure on me at all and says it is totally my decision as to when I see him, but the strain of the distance between us, the cost of the flights to-ing and fro-ing is not possible financially that often and so I know that I have to commit to staying in the Uk to see what happens or going to see my boyfriend - its one or the other and each day that passes my hopes for Xmas day are slipping away.I do not wish to be selfish as it is not natural for me but I feel I am letting people down whatever I do. Please help with any advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mightaphodite  +, writes (9 December 2008):
I'm so sorry for your grandma. It's terrible. A difficult choice ... nobody can tell you what to do. I can only speak for myself when I say that I'd stay with my grandma. My reasons for doing so would be that I have a whole life in front of me to spend as I wish and a boyfriend that supports my decision. So there's no pressure. When my grandma's feeling better, or..... I'd go to see him. But if you're not all that close as a family than your staying or going wouldn't change things. What I said is not based on what would people expect me to do, but on my own feelings. I'd feel much better if I stayed and postponed my trip. But that's me... be it as it may, listen to your heart and stop blaming yourself. You did and will not do nothing wrong!
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