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I feel helpless because my boyfriend has cancer.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 June 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 9 June 2010)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi, I just found out that my boyfriend has cancer and isn't sure how long he has left. I don't know what im supposed to do or say. I feel helpless. I just wanna keep him here as long as possible. Please help

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i am incredibly grateful to those who answered my question. they made me feel a lot better. he has stomach cancer. somethin his brother died of a year ago. Its painful. its hard seeing him in so much pain. Im used to him being the strong guy who doesnt let anything hurt. I love him very much.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (9 June 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntMy prayers and thoughts for your b/f. I pray and hope that he will have a successful remission.

Take each day at a time and just enjoy the day as though it is the last day . Each new day is a blessings.

Make his life as comfortable as possible and try to be happy and think positive always.

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A male reader, C. Grant Canada +, writes (9 June 2010):

C. Grant agony auntThe Realist is exactly right. One of the reasons people don't want it known that they've been diagnosed with cancer is that suddenly they become a 'victim'. They're a cancer-sufferer, and no longer as who they are. As much as you can, treat him the same way you used to. See him as *him*, not as a victim. Accept that the cancer is something that he's dealing with in the real world, but *not* as what he is. He's the same guy as he was before the diagnosis -- help him to hold on to that through the treatment. Keep it real. You're not helpless at all. Probably more than anyone in his life you have the power to keep *him* first and foremost. He's not cancer, he's your guy.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (9 June 2010):

YouWish agony auntAwww, I'm so sorry about your boyfriend. I know it's devastating to hear about this.

You are part of your boyfriend's fight. You didn't mention what kind of cancer he has, but there are people who have survived it and live good lives. You're a vital part of your boyfriend's fight against it. He's going to go through a huge range of emotions. He may lash out at you in his anger, and he might be self-destructive or withdraw. All you have to do is be there for him.

Remember that you are so incredibly important to him, no matter what he may say or do. Be ultra patient, grow some thick skin and don't allow yourself to take things personally that you normally would. Most of all, just love him.

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A male reader, The Realist Canada +, writes (9 June 2010):

The Realist agony auntI'm sorry to hear this. Make sure he knows that you love him and treat him how you would love him if nothing was wrong at all. Give him the chance to see the what a normal relationship with you is like and that he is truely special to you because of the person he is. There is nothing special that you have to say. Keep your head up and show him a fun loving time so that maybe, even its its just for a second he forgets all of his problems.

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