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I feel embarrassed because of my virginity

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 August 2007) 10 Answers - (Newest, 15 August 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I use to go out with a guy a long time ago for nearly a year. we broke up and then he went out with my best friend - which hurt me alot. Eventually they also broke up. By no means is he a great catch or anything but he continues to get girlfriend after girlfriend, whilst for me it takes me a while to find someone who i actually like. I recently turned 18 and broke up with my last boyfriend a few months back. I still havent had sex which is down to my decision not to do so. On a night out recently my ex who hurt me so badly announced to the entire bus that we were on, that i was a virgin because i told him not to smoke on a bus. this really effected me, i feel disgusting and a freak just because I didn't loose my virginity to one of my ex's, as I didn't care for them enough. I have no self confidence and my ex has tons. what can i do to help my situation as I now feel embarassment even with my friends simply because I haven't done it yet?

View related questions: best friend, broke up, confidence, my ex

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A male reader, Mr Raindog United States +, writes (15 August 2007):

Mr Raindog agony auntDarling,

Why in the hell would you want to lose your virginity to some ignoramus simpleton like him? Get rid of him and don't be ashamed of your virginity.

You see, guys use this ploy, making a girl feel ashamed of the fact that she hasn't had sex, to get her to have to sex. Don't be fooled and don't be manipulated. Instead of feeling embarrassed, see him for the fool that he is and leave him behind. He obviously had no respect for you.

A good friend of mine was a virgin until she met her husband to be (I think she was 22, maybe 21). Once she started having sex, she told me that she's both glad she waited but wished she had met him sooner (take that how you will). It didn't stop her from being one of the best gals I've ever hung around and in a way, I'm a bit jealous of her husband! (he's a cool cat though)

But whatever you do, don't let a half-witted horny idiot like that guy embarrass you into having sex if you're not ready for it. You'd really just giving him what he wants, even if it's not what you want. And why potentially pro-create with someone acting like the missing link? Do me a favor and punch him for me the next time you run into him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007):

First off, I'd like to congratulate you on not losing your virginity to this guy. He's a jerk! He shouldn't have said that about you. Just because you told him not to smoke on a bus as well. He would've been passive smoking which is just as bad, and makes him even more of jerk. You should not worry about what other people think of you. In fact, who cares what total complete strangers think? You're doing yourself a favor by not having sex yet. Like many other people have said here, you should wait till it's the right moment. Only you will know when it's the right time. Well done! :) I'm a virgin too by the way, and I'm happy. I just don't want to be a sheep that follows the herd.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007):

i know exactly what you are going thru 21 and still a virgin and proud of cause virginity is a very important thing and I wanna loose mine to the girl that im gonna spend the rest of my life with so keep ya head your day will come to

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A female reader, x_goddess_x United Kingdom +, writes (6 August 2007):

x_goddess_x agony auntdont be embarressed by your virginity, be proud on the fact tht you are waiting fr the right guy and he hasnt come along yet, you dnt want to just waste it on n e one it needs to be special and hu cares if ppl find out hold ya head up high and admitt cuz tht makes you mature

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A female reader, advice 247 United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2007):

advice 247 agony auntyou're sensible not going with someone you dont feel enough for, I respect you do it in your own time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007):

you do have self confidance you just dont know it you are clever enough to not be one of those slags that lose there virginty at very early ages.they are the ones with no self confidance and that clearly dont know what they are doing.your body is muture enough to handly sex now so it wont be as painfull your first time hope all goes wellxxx

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A male reader, boyo9876 United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2007):

You have no need to feel strange for still being a virgin. Most of your peers have a small mindedness about them where they think that sex is the whole world and if you havn't had it then there's something wrong. Having sex is something that is personal to you and who cares what they think. As for your ex he's an idiot and deserves to be punched in the face simple as. Walk around knowing that you'll be the one who is more succesful, that you're better looking than him...and he probably has a small penis anyway and thats why he's like he is.

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A male reader, SumYungGuy United States +, writes (5 August 2007):

SumYungGuy agony auntOh sweetheart - self confidence comes from within, no one can really tell YOU how to feel about YOU. But...

...Why are you feeling disgusting for NOT losing your virginity to this loser!? You should feel great and happy inside that you're keeping a promise to yourself and not giving your 'gift' to a BOY who obviously doesn't care about you - and who (according to you) isn't a great catch anyway!

Take your time to find a real man! A man who will respect you and your decision to not have sex. People won't begin to respect you until you start respecting yourself. You're doing great by not following the crowd and not having sex yet - just find a MAN who will feel the same, or at least allows you to have your choice.

I would question my friends if they had a problem with being a virgin. Don't be embarrassed about being a virgin - you're doing yourself a great bit of good. If they make fun of you, or laugh at your or whatever, you need to leave those friends alone and find friends that don't care whether you're a virgin or not. You need to surround yourself with like-minded people so that it will be easier for you to make these types of decisions.

Get away from this guy. He's a loser.

Hope this helps.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007):

You have more self-confidence than you think you do. Lots of girls loose their virginity at a really early age because they fall for guys too easy and convince themselves that they are in love. Those guys usually turn out to be loosers and it sounds very much like your ex is one of those guys!

Good on you for respecting yourself, and although the bus incident was embarrising you should know that deep down, no person would ever think it a bad thing that someone is a virgin. In fact, a lot of girls on that bus who arn't virgins probably have a respect for you.

People can be cruel, and if it wasn't your virginity, this guy could easily say something else hurtful, like he could have said something about how you were intimately.

You also say that he has tons of confidence; no, he doesn't. Only someone insecure would ever need to embarris someone in front of a group of people like he did on the bus. He did it because it would have made him feel that he was the leader of the group. A confident, secure person, would keep those private details secret. Just because someone "looks" confident, it doesn't mean they are. Don't confuse the two - they are very different really.

Do you also see that you being a virgin isn't the problem here, it is the guy who is making you feel bad. He just used something against you to win over peoples attention. How sad and pathetic of him really!

This guy will go from girl to girl, eventually hurting each of them. You, on the other hand, will find someone special and have a proper relationship based on love and respect. You'll loose your viriginity to a kind guy where it feels the right time. What's so embarrassing about that? Hold your head up high, you should be proud of yourself and the respect you have for yourself!

You see you have more confidence than you think you have; it is this guy that is the problem - not you!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007):

Stop being so silly, your higher up than any of those people who decide to jump into bed with any guy who comes along. Your ex is obviously still sour that you didn't sleep with him. Just ignore him, the idiot will grow up some day. Your ex has learnt to act all self-confident to make up for that fact that he isn't a catch, he has to go chasing girls because otherswise they wouldn't give him the time of day. I have seen this too many times before. You're not a freak, seriously take a minute or two and you'll realise it yourself.

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