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I feel embarrassed and stupid about the party!

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 January 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 7 January 2018)
A female Canada age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend invited me to his friends party. I don’t know too many of his friends but he really wanted me to go so I went. We got to the party and he sat across the table from me and talked to his friends and took shots with his friends while I sat beside no one and went on my phone this happened for two hours until I decided to leave.. He kept asking if I was okay and I lied and says yes but I just feel so embarrassed and stupid. Is it okay to overreact?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (7 January 2018):

CindyCares agony aunt No, sorry, it's not ok. At all.

From what you say it does not sound as if your bf made a point of ignoring you - he just acted normal, socializing with his friends and giving them the amount of attention which is normal at a party !

You should have done the same : socialize. What people do at parties, you know ?, otherwise why bother going ?

You smile, get to know people, make small talk with anybody you happen to sit beside, and if you sit beside nobody, you GO sit with other people, engagé them in conversation, or at least listen in , laugh at their jokes.... You could have asked to your bf to be introduced to people he knows, and then you take it from there : " Ah so you are John, I heard you are a great guitar player blah blah ".. Now, I realize that while this is standard procedure for most people, for other people it may be difficult or challenging. Well, ..then challenge yourself. If you are shy or socially awkward or socially unskilled, it's not that the world owes you to accomodate your ways so that you can feel totally comfortable. They might, at times,- and they might not , without for this having to be considered jerks. Because it is your responsibility, not anybody else 's , to acquire / cultivate the minimal average skills which are necessary in any given social situation.

And... you went on your phone, at a party, for two hours or so, because you were getting bored ?! My oh my- honestly I have trouble thinking of anything more in-your-face rude.

It's the equivalent of saying " go f..k yourself you all ".

The phone stays in - your pocket or your purse. Whether you are having fun, or not . Worst case scenario, you can always leave early when you have enough ( as you did ) but while you are there , be actually THERE .

Now, while personally I don't think you have cause for complaint , and in fact I can't stand those couples who keep staying glued to each other at parties because that's simply bad form, ..if you , being shy or a bit insecure or socially inept, need some more TLC and more physical closeness by your bf....ok, so be it ; why did not just tell him ? Why did you lie to him when he asked repeatedly if everything was ok ? Why sulking, being passive aggressive and leaving early, rather than telling him what the problem was ?

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (7 January 2018):

It sounds to me like he could have put a little more effort into making you comfortable, but you could have done the same. It's amazing what you can achieve if you put your phone down and start talking to people.

By the way, your question "is it okay to overreact?" is kind of funny. The word itself implies that you're doing to much reacting. So in an ideal world you wouldn't be doing it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2018):

As much as we want men to be mind readers they are not! You have to tell him how you feel! I for one Tend to be a little socially awkward around large settings of people that I don’t know. As you mature that might change just let him know that it’s not really your cup of tea. You should never go anywhere with you know you would be uncomfortable next time just let them go do his own thing I think I could spend time later. But definitely tell him how you feel!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 January 2018):

Honeypie agony auntWhy the need to overact?

Why not simply BE honest and tell that you are disappointed that he didn't try and make you feel more welcome and to introduce you to him friends, that you felt unwelcome and uncomfortable.

Maybe next, you can put down your phone and try and talk to some of them? You know... socialize?

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (7 January 2018):

Aunty BimBim agony auntHis friends sound like amazing hosts, the party itself sounds super exciting and your boyfriend sounds like he is caring and attentive.

How nice it would be if all the above were true. I'm assuming he han't been your boyfriend for very long.

You need to talk honestly to your boyfriend about how you felt at that "party." When you left the party after 2 hours of being ignored and excluded did your boyfriend take you home? Did he take you there or did you get there under your own steam?

You may need to let him know what's expected of his as your boyfriend, and taking you to a party where you don't know many people and then doing his own thing just isn't on!

So open up to him, see if he can see where you are coming from and take it from there.

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