A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for nearly 4 years and in Feb this year i fell and broke my foot and it has took til june for it to repair, All this time my husband and i have been under stress with money etc, as i can go back to my job until it is fixed. Anyways i feel like my hubby is not in love with me anymore because1) he never holds me close at any time.2) Only tells me he loves me when he is leaving for work and sometimes on the phone.3) We never make love anymore, its just get into bed and goodnight and sleep.4) He never talks to me about anything, when he is home from work all he wants to do is watch tv or play rome war games on the pc.I have asked him if he is having an affair and he tells me no, he also says that now i have made him hard towards me because i keep asking but all the facts seem to be there for me to read.He says that he is just stressed and worried but i don't understand how i seem to be the one left in the cold.Please someone help me, i really love him and he is my soulmate but i am frightened that he is slipping away.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): don't worry trust god your marriage is a covenant between you,your husband and god I garantee if you pray about your marriage and believe god he will fix any problem you may be facing you just keep being the model wife that god ordained you to be and watch him move in your life. remember prayers are useless without faith.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): I was horrified to read that one of the people replying to your question suggested that if you had put weight on you should lose it quickly! Listen girl, it sounds to me like you are not happy. The answer? Life is too frigging short to worry abour someone who is not showing you the love, care and attention that you need! Get out of it - get out there and have some fun!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): It could have been me typing the original post. Ya know, I read all these posts about "oh he's stressed, oh he needs space, oh he needs this and that and and and... tell me... WHEN are the men supposed to GROW UP and take responsibility for their wives?? I don't mean financial. I mean emotional. It's part of the job!!! I am a mother of a two year old. I don't get to sit around and mope if I am sad. NOPE. I have to continue being a mom. Like right now for instance, I am sad, mad, hurt, confused, tired of my marriage the way it is now... and I am typing this post looking for answers. At the same time, I am playing ball and giggline with my girl. But my husband?? When HE's in a mood?? He gets to mope. He doesn't have to play ball. He doesn't have to be a dad. He doesn't have to be a loving husband. He just gets to sit in front of the TV, playing video games or surfing on the computer. WHATEVER!! I am tired of hearing all the excuses as to why we have to treat the man like such a delicate flower. THAT's BULLCRAP!! OH, did I mention that I also work full time, standing on my feet 9 hours a day, 5 days a week and I can still manage to come home to my husband and want/need a hug. After he's walked passed me 16 times and ignored me, I finally break down and ask for my hug. And a sex life?? What's that?? I am always the one asking for sex. He turns me down. OH, and don't even try to mention my "hounding him" I only ask about once every 2 months so I don't have the guilt of bothering him with it. He NEVER askes for sex. And his job?? Ain't NEARLY the stress of mine and our finances are just fine. So... you tell me?? Where do ~I~ go from here?? I don't think he's cheating. I just don't think he' cares. I've told him, talked to him, backed off, got close, turned the TV off, left the house... what else is there??? When do I give up?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): I would say to both of you ladies. ''good riddens'' We should all three start another 'sex in the city' show . I'm with both of you on this, something I've noticed that helps, is when you go out and do things on your own. treat them like you are being treated...
I got rid of the computer and TV for a bit. It worked really well. It was amazing. Old habits die hard though so here I am sitting in front of the TV on the computer... but it might work for you too, just try it once. Call the cable and disconnect it, and take the computer and put it in the closet. (Still respecting his hard work so make sure to save all his games if he has them up )
But I bet, going like that when there aren't any distractions you will be happier.
Best of luck ladies!!!!
Xo
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): i know how you feel.....im going through a similar thing right now. i was just writing in a journal every time i broke down and cried because every time i did that and tried to talk to him i got the "why are acting like this" trip. so i started letting it out in a journal. i had been feeling more and more depressed and unwanted and neglected, i lost some weight (im not really overweight to start with) tried to be nice, let him play on the computer as much as i could bare,but still no change. finally one day after a big fight, i told him i just give up. im not going to keep trying to get his attention, because im sure there are men out there that would love and appreciate and not take me for granted. i ave him the journal and left for the day with the kids. i got texts soon after with him saying sorry and he didnt know i felt that way....thought things were getting better, untill today. is back to normal, and i told him i wanted to talk tonight, all i got was an attempt to have sex and when i turned him down because he had promised to talk to me tonight, he went to bed. so here i am, having to vent on my own again. i dont exactly know what to do, im trying everything i can to please him and get his attention, and im getting so tired of working so hard just to get an "i love you so much" and for him to pull away from the computer for awhile to say im more important......so if you find something that works, let me know! but in the meantime, maybe the writing how you feel for while then giving it to him to read will work for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Man do I hear ya! I am going through the same stuff. I have asked God to bring him back. Let me tell you what my mother told me...She said, Laney, you don't want someone, that don't love you. You can't make someone love you. Maybe you two need to spice stuff up a little. Keep in touch. Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): i feel the same way with my husband we been married for 7 years, he not interested in sex anymore when he was extremly inrterested in it when we married, he spends all his spare time on comp and never listens to me, he tells me he loves me but doesn't act like it, hope things work out for you :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): im going thru the same thing im sorry
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): I actually found your post as I was trying to figure out my wife's issue and mine. I've been married nearly 5 years and we have a 4 year old daughter. We are less affectionate and intimate than we use to be, and I disconnect some just watching TV when I come home and going to bed. I'm typically exhausted after working full-time and doing extra work for the church or side jobs to make additional money. My wife works part time, and is typically tired and hates her job. We are trying to pay down bills so she can quit. I don't know if your husbands issues are the same, but in my relationship I feel really stressed and sometimes unloved or disrespected. I try to initiate affection with my wife and she does not respond. Sometimes she initiates with me and I don't respond. I think it really will take some persistance on your part (since you can only control you) to reengage your husband in the relationship. I always appreciate when my wife treats me consistently with respect and/or tries to do something for me, like cook dinner (I like good food, and my wife doesn't cook often,) or if she just comes up and hugs me after I come home from work. Additionally if you can lower the stress on your husband anyway that would be helpful. My wife could do so for me by simply lowering her expectations for our life that place additional burden on me (I want a new house, new car, I wish I could buy that TV, Camera, Clothes, etc...) as all of those comments just remind me of the difficulty we have to buy everything we both desire and I feel that everything my wife can't buy that she wants, she is placing the guild directly on my shoulders. I don't know if I answered more or questioned more but I gave you one man's perspective
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): My husband is jekyll/hyde...mr. cool/fun around everyone else, cold and mean to me....is wife. I have suggested couseling. He flat out said he will not go. He is disrespectful to me, rude, and laughs if I ask for an apology, always saying that I owe him one "first", when i haven't done anything. I want a divorce, he refuses to consider counseling, I have asked multiple times
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): Your body tells a lot. If you added soem weight to you, this might be a reason for him to act cold to you. Also you might want to be a little cold too to him and act like you dont care too much. If you really put some weight on you, a good advise is to start exercise ASAP. Make sure that all the time you are smiling around him, be happy to him and have an positive attitude. Look in his bag see what he has there. Smell his clothes. If possible go to his work place and see who he is associating with. Talk to him about things.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): I hate him
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): I think that he is just stressed, just as he stated. Believe me, it doesn't sound like there is much to worry about. Your husband is probably worried about how to pay the bills, I don't think he loves you any less because you hurt yourself. Once things are back to normal, you will probably find that he is his old self again. Give him some time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThamx very much for your help it a real god send to know that i am not the only 1 to have problems.
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female
reader, spirited  + ♥, writes (8 June 2007):
Seems like you have a man similar to mine... whenever there is a problem... it consumes ALL of him. He seems like the kind of person who can't set problems aside, and when he tries... it's by disconnecting from everyone and everything. Accusing him of infidelity is only going to add to the distance. He probably feels as if he is trying to make ends meet and in spite of it all, you think he's cheating on you. Most likely, he isn't. You just feel out of touch with him, and it worries you. He doesn't hold you or talk to you b/c he feels as if there is nothing in him to feel good, and he probably doesn't want to be around you to make you feel worse. And you are probably like me, the "i-don't-care-how-bad-it-is" type. The solution here is a little compromise from both parts. You can't expect him to be so forthgiving, he feels as if he has nothing good to give. And he needs to lighten up. So... give him something to lighten up about. I know how it is to be tight on cash, I'm going through a similar situation right now. Talk about happier things, when your mood changes, his will SLOWLY come around. Don't expect an instant reversal.
This is just a little game on how to turn him around. That's all it is, the clash of the moods. He's worried and distant, and you're needing him... which feeds the vicious cycle. Break that, and you two will be much better off.
Good luck!
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reader, I Dont Lie + ♥, writes (8 June 2007):
 Relationships do not only revolve around the feeling of love. It revolves around everything else that goes on in you and your partners lives. Understand that he might be stressed out about the fact that you both are strapped financially, also the fact that now his financial responsibilities towards to family has increased because of the loss of income from you. The pressure may be getting to him after all and its not unreasonable to react the way he does. Everything you've mentioned suggests to me that he is just stressed out, nothing to do with his love for you diminishing or anything of that sort.
You had a sit down one to one talk with him, which was the right thing to do, at that time. Once he refuses to open up, you have to start reading the signs. Pestering and smothering him is not going to give you any more answers than you already know, in fact, it might push him away even more, so be cautious on that one. The way to work around this is to support him support you. In other words, whilst he's having to bear the family burden temporarily (and taking care of you whilst your foot heals), you can show him that you really appreciate it. One way of doing that is not to pressure him into anything he doesnt feel like doing. I know you feel that talking will be the best solution out of this one, but believe you me, it doesnt always work in every situation, and sometimes, retracting ones stance is the best way about it.
When you have fully recovered and back at work, things should get back to the way they used to, if no or little damage is done now. Good luck.
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