A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am supposed to be going to my niece's 2nd birthday party this weekend. My brother, sister in law and niece live about an hour and a half away from where I live. I have a few problems though. One is that I have been ill for just over a week. It's been so bad that I have hardly got out of bed as I have no energy. I am not sure whether to go to the party as I am physically I'll, and I also have mental health problems and a form of autism, so I find it difficult to socialise. I am panicking because I haven't got my niece a present yet. I get very stressed out shopping as I don't like crowds, and find it hard to choose things. I find it hard to look for things online too and choose what to buy. I asked my sister in law what my niece might like, but she suggested the same thing to my brother and I. I'm not sure why she did that. I could order online and choose next day delivery, but I'm not sure what to buy. She mentioned a cartoon character my niece likes. My brother has got some small figures of the character, so maybe I could get something a bit different but still that character, and maybe another present with it?. What do you think I should do?. I feel anxious about it all. I don't see my brother, sister in law and niece often, but I don't want my bad health to ruin the weekend.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 March 2017):
 So how did the weekend go for you? Was it a success?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2017): Firstly, I assume your family are aware of your autism diagnosis? If so, then I truly believe they would understand 100% if you didn't feel comfortable attending a party. You could arrange to see them before the party starts, or the next day if it would make you less anxious. Maybe the weekend before or the weekend after the party you can ask to visit, and that way you still get to see your niece in person and give her your gift yourself. The secondly, a present for a 2 year old does not matter greatly. She won't remember who got her what anyway! It is very common when buying for young children that you will buy the same present as someone else, so if you buy something themed with her favourite character just have a gift receipt issued with it and pop it in with the present. For a 2 year old hands-on presents they can easily play with are popular. Building bricks, chunky-sized puzzles or interactive books you can't really go wrong, they all help aid a child's development. Tubs of play dough or children's paint and a pad of big paper would also be great fun. If you do not want to attend then let your family know in advance, explain the party situation will leave you stressed and anxious and apologise that you want see you niece on her birthday. You could then send a gift voucher for amazon or a toystore and then anything your niece might need can be ordered for her. My husband has traits on the autism spectrum, it can be hard to deal with social situations but you may find once you are there, and have the familiarity of your family around you, that you can have an ok time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2017): I would stick with Denizens very practical suggestions!
You really dont have to stress because you dont have to be there.
Worse still you have the lingering effect of a virus and believe me, they love you enough to invite you but the mention of sickness wont go down well.
So treat yourself well.
Stay home, stay warm ,stay happy and concentrate on yourself.
When you are feeling better you can get all the feedback about which child spilled juice etc and if the birthday girl managed to blow the candles out, but as this is her day,not yours, dont feel guilty about not being able to be there.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (1 March 2017):
 First, don't stress. In the great scheme of things it isn't that important.
Second send a gift voucher as a present. The two-year-old won't be aware who is giving what, and it will be useful for the parents to buy whatever is needed - babygrow, booties, whatever babies need.
The vouchers can be accompanied by a card and - tadaa! you can do it all from your sickbed.
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