A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve met a coworker who I have intense physical chemistry with, and I mean we both just vibrate around each other. His hands shake and I feel electricity all through my body just walking past him or making small talk. He feels we must be some sort of soulmates. The attraction was instant and when we talk we’ve found we have pretty much everything in common so far. The only problem is he is 30 years older and married. Ugh. I have a boyfriend too, but that relationship seems to be ending on its own and I never felt 1/10 the attraction to him that I do for this married man. I don’t really care about my job and can get a different one but I don’t want to mess with his marriage. It seems to be a shame to not take advantage of such an overpowering feeling, but being that he is 30 years older I can’t see it being anything other than a fling for me, and I would feel bad to ruin his very long term relationship for physical chemistry. Will I find someone else with this sort of lightning bolt connection or is he my soulmate? I am afraid if we are ever alone neither of us would be able to resist, but I’m not into cheating and I feel like this could easily turn into a trainwreck!
View related questions:
co-worker, married man, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (26 March 2018):
 You feel lust. Nothing more. This is not some sort of "soul mate" connection but a strong physical case of lust.
However, never underestimate the power of lust. It is a very powerful emotion. However, it doesn't last. Unlike this guy's marriage, which you stand to wreck for the sake of a bit of unbridled passion.
At 30 years older than you, HE is the one who should know better and back away. However, you are also an adult so should take responsibility for your actions.
You say you don't care about your job, so jack it in and find yourself another one. Get rid of the boyfriend you feel nothing for and find someone who is free to love you as you deserve.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 March 2018):
 First of all, end your relationship. You know it's not going anywhere, so let each other go now. No point dragging it out.
As for the married guy, get over it. We all make choices. It's a CHOICE to act on attraction. "I am afraid if we are ever alone neither of us would be able to resist" - it's BS, OP. We can all control our actions.
Don't be alone with him. Don't talk much. Don't flirt. Don't fantasise. Accept that he's married. Accept that it's just a crush. He is NOT your soulmate.
Cut as much contact as possible and let go of both men.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 March 2018):
 You know what's up and what to do. But I guess this is a "please stop me" kind of post.
You know a roll in the hay with this guy will do ABSOLUTELY nothing for you, your relationship or his marriage. Acting on a whim and lust is instant gratification but in the long run? A mistake.
^ That is your brain speaking.
Then you also know there is some outrageous chemistry going on that has lit a little fire in your libido, a promise of GREAT passion or the ever elusive "soul-mate".
^ That is your hormones, lust and unfulfilled self speaking.
I don't blame you for questioning these feelings of lust. It is HARD to resist someone who for whatever reason (be is chemistry, pheromones, personality, charisma) just lights a fire in us. The thing is, you are MORE susceptible because your relationship isn't going so well. You can't really "blame" your BF for you two not having had the same "lust/attraction" when you first met. LUST wears off. But YOU also CHOSE to date this Bf regardless of the level of "initial lust".
My guess is, this isn't this guy's first "rodeo" with having rowing eyes and charming women. He might NOT be cheating on his wife physically, but he ENJOYS the fire out of these encounters. Or he might be a serial cheat for all you know. It's NOT like he is going to tell you that.
You can't ACT on lust. You have to use common sense. Why? Because you are in control of your action even when the hormones and libido goes off the deep end. And you are OLD enough to KNOW what the "RIGHT" thing is.
There is NO way this will end on a good note. While you may not care about your job or career at this point, this can easily make your career path a difficult one. ALL for a shag! Now HE might not suffer in the work place, because he has a LOT more experience and "selling point" than you do, but with all this "me too" movement crap going on - anyone with an ax to grind against him will USE you to do so. However, IF it becomes know at the office - YOU CAN ruin a lot for the both of you - all for a shag.
And let's NOT talk too much about his wife, but I will mention her. Because you do have her in mind, but not really. To quote you... "It seems to be a shame to not take advantage of such an overpowering feeling". No, it won't be a shame to be a DECENT human being. And no, it won't be a shame to have some self-control and not just let the "lust" rule. Put yourself in HER shoes. She and this man has build a marriage over (probably MANY years) now sex might be down from when they were younger but they have BOTH a huge investment in each other. Emotionally, maybe financially, maybe there are kids and grand-kids too. HOW would you feel if your husband was willing to "risk" ALL that for a roll on the hay? For "amazing chemistry"? Basically for THINKING with his dick? Think about it.
REGARDLESS of this man, you need to take a good look at your relationship with your BF. If it's NOT working and NOT really... worth the effort to "fix", end it.
This older guy will PROBABLY not be the last guy you meet that you will feel this insane chemistry with. I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with being soul-mates. It's two people who are PROBABLY both unfulfilled sexually at home - it IS easier to look outside the relationship/marriage for gratification than to DO the work to make things at home work. the grass isn't greener elsewhere, it's GREENER where you water it! Think about it!
JUST because things at home aren't as YOU would like them doesn't give you a FREE pass to muck up his marriage or your own life. If he wants to MUCH up his marriage, let someone ELSE be his pawn in that.
YOU KNOW better, so BE better and DO better!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2018): Oh, please! You're a couple of horny people; and messing around with guys you work with is a truckload of trouble. He's married on top of that!!!
Come on! Get grip on your hormones, girlfriend! There is no such thing as a soulmate. They made that silly crap up to put on sappy greeting cards! Oh, and what about his wife?
Seriously?!!
The most famous last-words of a fool are: "I couldn't help it!" BULL! Those words don't keep people out of jail or hell!
Self-control, common-sense, an opposing-thumb, walking-upright, and the power to articulate thoughts are what separates us from lower animals. We can keep our genitals apart; because we're smart enough to!
Be professional and respect his marriage; even if he's too much of a low-life dick to do so himself.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2018): Been there. Done that.
It not only ends in heartbreak but even worse, your complete emotional destruction.
Walk away NOW.
...............................
|
