A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This guy and I met a year and a half ago, became friends and really clicked. He even courted me at first, was very sweet and caring, he'd compliment me, walk me to my bus stop each evening, was flirty and a bit touchy, but he never clearly mentionned he was interested, and he had a girlfriend. He dumped her 2 weeks after we had met, he told me, out of the blue (regarding his attitude towards me, I had no idea he had a gf and he never mentioned her). He kept being gentle for a little bit and I was seriously falling for him, then he suddenly changed.He started to make real undelicate jokes about me. He said it was just humour, but it felt aggressive towards me sometimes and i'm not one of his guy friends. 5 months after we had met I had to move to a different town. We had already become a bit more distant at this point, but still shared a nice connection (when he wasn't making too many lame jokes). I distanced myself cause his attitude was hurting me, and I had started to like him and felt like there was no hope. There were many unsaid things between us, at least on my side. But judging from his weird changes of attitudes, also on his maybe. Also I kind of liked him, I was missing the nice one from the beginning, and having the impression that this jokingly attitude was all I could get from him was hurting me. I think I wanted a bit more, it made me feel like I didn't matter to him and like he wasn't taking me seriously.He asked for news a few weeks after I had left, but the correspondence died fast after I had replied. He was busy with important and urgent things in his life, but well. He called me once weeks after, but to ask for help for stg... and made bad/insensitive jokes again, I was offended and felt used, we had a fight on Skype. I told him what i thought about his attitude, that i was tired of it, he seemed offended, he blamed me, said I lacked humour and had a problem with him. His offensive jokes would maybe hurt me less if I didn't have feelings for him, and he doesn't know I like him, but I just couldn't spit it out and explain myself and I was so sick and tired of his behaviour... I felt like he didn't deserve such a confession. He didn't even deserve a romantic interest actually.We talked again a bit after that, again cause he needed help for stg and as I still truly liked him I accepted -(and he also asked for news but he could have before and without needing my help for stg) but I voluntarily distanced myself and stopped showing signs of affection when we'd talk, I was very neutral, sometimes a bit disagreeable. And I would not always pick up the phone when he'd call... I was tired of being so hurt and mistreated. I could feel things were weird, awkward, disagreable in our interactions, the little sparkle was gone i guess. It's been 7 months and we haven't talked since then. He said I could ask him if I also needed help with something, but I don't know if he meant it, and he hasn't even asked for news since then, not once. His behaviour disappointed and hurt me so much that I don't feel like contacting him again to be honest. I'd be scared of starting to like him again and have my ego and feelings hurt again. He hasn't apologized about his behaviour, while a year ago we would talk everyday, and he was caring. He knows that I'm in a difficult period and very stressing period right now, he doesn't try to ask how I am or to offer me support, even if I did support him when he needed me eventhough his attitude didn't quite encourage me to do so and it was a bit painful for me. Again, contacting him would be a bad idea anyways, but I just think I have more reasons to put distance than he does, and the fact that he isn't trying to reach at me at all shows how littler he cares about me I guess.What do u think happenned , does it look like we're never gonna be in touch again? How can people/guys change so fast, have you ever experienced that and is there anything to do?I miss talking to him (the nice him, not the douchebag), this situation hurts, I'm considering cutting it off for good, and deleting him from facebook. Then at least I can't look his profile up anymore and I know we're not gonna talk again, it's harsh, but maybe better than false hopes. But there's no going back after that, and I know he'll be very offended . He is proud. What would you do ? Would it look childish of me to delete him ? I guess he won't ever try to reach at me if I delete him, It's hard to let go of the hope.... but if he made me feel bad without caring, why sustaining a virtual bond ?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 July 2015):
 I think the "douche" version is WHO he really is, the insensitive almost abusive person. The "Nice guy" you met and knew for a few weeks... WAS him on his best behavior. He KNOWS how to behave to WHEEL a girl on/ get her interested, but he CAN NOT maintain that behavior, because it's NOT who he is.
He isn't a positive influence in your life. He cares little about you, all you get out of this is a guy who likes to poke fun of you and then abuse you for not finding him "funny".
CUT the contact. Do it for you. SCREW what he may think! He may not like it, but WHO cares? Why care?
Make sure you block him on your phone, block, delete on Skype, Facebook and everywhere else you have had contact with him. Cleanse yourself of this negative vibe.
You say you fancy him... WHAT exactly is there to fancy? I think you fancy the "fantasy" of who he COULD be if "only" he would grow up and CHANGE who he is... AND that... is not going to happen. He is NOT a great guy. I think HE even knows it, but he also know that you have had a soft spot for him and he has TRIED to use that to HIS advantage...
“The world is full of nice people. If you can’t find one, be one.”
This guy ISN'T one of those nice people either. BE nice TO YOURSELF.
EXPECT people to TREAT you as well and nice as YOU treat them.
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