A
female
age
18-21,
what-to-do-what-to-do
writes:I fancy my friend, but my best friend is in love with him. What do I do. I can't just go after him and do that to her. If she only fancied him I wouldn't have minded but she is really in love with him. What do I do - leave it or go after him?
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female
reader, Miss C +, writes (31 March 2008):
 No guy is worth breaking up a friendship. It wouldn't be fair to do this to your best friend so stay away from him. There are plenty of other guys out there. Why set your heart on one person that you just fancy and lose your friend in the process? Like the popular old saying "Guys come and go..."
By the way - Does she know that you fancy him? Maybe she will decide it isn't worth it to embark on a relationship if she knew how you were feeling (if you have a really strong frienndship.) There's no reason why you can't be straight out honest with her, she is afer all your best friend and even should still be understanding about the whole thing. You're not to blame in any way for your feelings but if you have any respect for her you won't act on them.
If she doesn't already know, tell her as soon as possible because before you know it they may be going out and then you may end up ruining your friendship by bottling up feelings of resentment and jealousy that could easily erupt some day when neither of you expect it.
Basically, my advice is - don't ask him out, talk to your friend about how you feel and then from there you can both decide what to do next.
It's difficult to predict how she'll react or whether her feelings for him are much sronger than your friendship. After all, I don't know her. If she decides to go on ahead and ask him out anyway then it's up to you whether or not you can live with that. Love is a strong word after all, full of powerful emotions and in comparison to fancying someone - there's a huge difference. I'm by no means saying that if she and him were to go out that this is perfectly justifed, I'm just looking at things from another perspective.
I wish you good luck with your situation and hope you'll keep us updated! Miss C xx
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