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I fancy a work colleague but I'm married and don't know how much longer I can keep this in.

Tagged as: Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 February 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 10 February 2010)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I dont know what to do, I have fallen head over heals for a a woman at work, she has no boyfriend / husband, but I'm married and have been for nearly 10 years. I've told no one, not even the woman at work about this, but its eating me up like crazy, I suspect she may fancy me back, but can't say for sure. I dont want to risk messing things up at work if she knocks me back. I dont want to hurt my wife. This is making me feel like shit, but I dont know how much longer I can keep this quiet!

Advice please :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010):

if you don't want to hurt your wife and don't want to destroy your marriage/life/work, then you need to set boundaries. cut off unnecessary contact, limit the friendliness, and so forth. it is just so easy to have a quick romp at work than to work on a marriage and commit to one person. imagine how you would feel if your wife was playing around with her male colleagues/friends. you would feel like shit and your whole world would be messed up. Right? so please invest in your marriage - have date nights, try more romance and hey, have kinly lustful sex with the wife. spice things up and see a difference. send the wife sexy sms/emails, work this marriage relationsship and see the benefits. trust me, marriage to your wife can be a beautiful thing. be faithful and stay true to yourself and your wife. it takes hard work but it is worth the effort. good luck

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A female reader, Forbidden Fruit  United Kingdom +, writes (8 February 2010):

I am going through the same thing only that I am a single woman who can have any man she wants but I have strong feelings towards a work colleague he is married for almost 9 yrs. sometimes it is very hard to control the feelings especially when I see him everyday I am not sure if he feels the same, it feels like I knew him all my live I have this strong spiritual connection with him. I have no intention of telling him I am happy to know he is happy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010):

I am going through the same thing only that I am a single woman who can have any man she wants but I have strong feelings towards a work colleague he is married for almost 9 yrs. sometimes it is very hard to control the feelings especially when I see him everyday I am not sure if he feels the same, it feels like I knew him all my live I have this strong spiritual connection with him. I have no intention of telling him I am happy to know he is happy.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010):

Thanks for your advice people, I'm going to work on my marriage

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (8 February 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntKeep your focus back to your family and God.

Remember your priorities in life .

"The lips of a beautiful woman is sweet to kiss

but the fruits are very bitter.":

If you eat this fruit, the after taste is very bitter. Can you pay the fearsome and frightful price ?

If you don't love your wife, let her go. If you still love your wife then you should not be thinking of that woman at your work place. Learn to overcome those temptations.

Please decide and choose wisely because the happiness and well being of your wife and family depends on you.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (8 February 2010):

Go home and work on your 10 year marriage, which clearly needs some work on it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010):

I agree with Lexie88 answer.

Reading your question I think you already know it is not a good idea. You do not say if you are happily married or not, but I do think you should put the effort into your marriage instead of thinking of the woman at work.

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A female reader, Lexie88 Australia +, writes (8 February 2010):

Lexie88 agony auntYou don't want to mess things up at work? That should the least of your worries. How about you don't want to ruin a 10 year marriage?

If you follow up on this attraction you will hurt your wife, no doubt about that. You say 'if she knocks me back' meaning you've already made your mind up as to what you want to do...I don't get how you could disrespect your wife like that.

Why are you attracted to this other woman? Is it physical appearance, is it the attention she gives you, what is it? Does she know you're married? If so, she could be flirting with you because she knows you're off limits and it's exciting. See where your relationship with your wife has gone stale...can you fix it. Cheating is not the way to fix things. You're looking at other women because something with your relationship with your wife is not right. Work on that, and leave the woman at work alone.

The most likely scenario here is that you go after this woman but she doesn't end up being what you think she is and where will you be then? You will have ruined your marriage, and for what, a bit of excitement?

Are you willing to give up your wife, your partner for the last 10 years, for a bit of excitement with a woman from work who you don't really know well?

Sometimes the grass isn't greener and we need to think deeply about what's right there in front of us.

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