A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy in Vegas over two months ago. He approached me and my friends at a club. I told him from the beginning I was married and he respected that . The night went on and everyone was having a great time. He would dance next to me because he said he knew I was married. The night ended and he asked when am I going to see you again? I'm like I don't know about that . He seem different from the start so I decided to tell him get my number down.i knew it wouldn't mean anything just because I live in California and he lives in New York. We all went separate ways. Around 3am I got messages asking if we can meet at a pool party the next day . We planned on it but my friends wanted to go somewhere else. That didn't workout so I paid no mind. That night he kept texting that he wanted to see me before we both went home . That also didn't happened because I fell asleep. That Sunday 3am I saw his text . I text back but now he was sleeping. Sunday we headed beck home and I was like that was pointless but whatever. The ride home got interesting. We text like crazy knowing a little about each other. I found out that he was a cop. He said He knew I was married with a child and that he was single and he's never had an affair with a married women. I asked if he was married and if he had any kids or even gf. He said his last relationship was 8 months ago but his longest 5 years. It was hard to date being a cop and most people didn't like his crazy schedule.We kept communicating every day .i told him that I wasn't happy in my marriage after 10 years it became like a roommate kinda thing. Im in my marriage because of my daughters happiness. He understood and joked that in 9 years go by fast and we don't know that the future holds. The cute names started and the good mornings and goodnight text and pictures.The phone calls weren't often but I didn't mind . He would go out with friends but he will still say you can still text me . Things were going nice and I planned to go to New York . I bought my ticket . We had amazing plans for when I arrived. He was going to pick me up and stay at his place . Things changed a few days before. There was something big going on at work and his schedule was changed. He was not going to be off or available most of my trip . I was upset /sad but I knew that was part of his job. That's his lifestyle. I kept going back and forward if should I just reschedule or just go . I went!! I knew I wasn't going to see him much but I was ok with that . I got there Saturday night at 11pm and he met me in my room at midnight after his shift. I felt bad because I knew he worked all day and he need to be up at work at 7am Sunday . He didn't care he was happy I was there and he didn't mind being tired and felt horrible about messing up our plans. We talked,walked and kissed like a couple would do. We went out for drinks for about two hours. We went back to the room . We cuddle and end up having sex. It was great. I slept in his arms all night and felt just right . Even if it was just for a few hours. I haven't felt that way in years. 7am came and he was out the door for work . His shift ended that Sunday at 4. I explored New York all morning . I didn't mind. We got ready and headed out to dinner at his favorite spot. He talked about how close he was of surprising me the week before out in California . There was a time during dinner he was on his phone and I kinda saw him start being distracted and distanced. All I thought it was work and the big case they had in hand. We went for a walk after dinner stopped at different little bars. We had conversations about life and he brought up his ex that he could've married her but his job is crazy and he's picky. He doesn't want to end up divorce. That conversation kinda hit home. I don't want that either but things happen in a marriage. He was still distracted he wouldn't look at me in the eyes no kisses like the night before.He was very quiet. I didn't want to say anything. We eventually headed back to call it a night. I excused myself to call my daughter to wish her a goodnight. I came back in the room and we got in bed and snuggled . I told him I was going to take a shower. I had a gut feeling that once I entered the shower he was going to leave . It happened exactly like that . He shouted from the room into the shower he need it to go to his car. I cried in the shower because I was mad that I traveled that far. I tried to be mentally prepared before getting there but I guess it got the best of me. I got out the shower and I saw his text. It was 9:45 pm His job need him for the big case. He was really sorry he was going to text me when he had a chance . He even screenshot the conversation with his cop brother. I laid numb in that hotel room waiting for a text . I couldn't sleep I text him asking him to tell me he was ok . He finally did it was about 3am . They had the person they wanted but now he was stuck there for a long time . He didn't think he would see me before I headed home Tuesday morning but wished me a safe flight back home .Monday was hell in New York alone . I tried to be distracted but I just couldn't . He didn't text much either. I left Tuesday morning . He finally got time to rest and go home until he need it to go back to work Tuesday night. During my time back I haven't heard much of him. His text message are very plain and simple now. I text him and he takes a very long time . I seen pictures of him with friends at a bar last week. I felt horrible. I felt use of my time. I'm hoping he doesn't think I was a bunny badge because I definitely was building feelings for him. I left my daughter for 4 days to see him and now it's like whatever to him. Today is my first day without me sending him a text . I want to see if he will. I'm confused. Should I just leave him alone ? Without an answer or should I try to get one .
View related questions:
affair, at work, divorce, his ex, roommate, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 June 2017):
 He used you for sex and all I can hear is that you are feeling sorry for yourself. You have not thought once about how you having an affair could ruin your husband and daughter. It sounds to me like you only think about yourself. Stop blaming your husband YOU had the affair now you need to live with knowing he used you for sex. The best thing you can do is leave your husband so that you cannot hurt him any more.
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (23 June 2017):
 You told him from the beginning that you were married and he respected that. You think so? I don't see it that way. dancing close to you, then accepting your cell phone number, texting you later that night and wanting to see you again is respecting your marriage?
He cast a line and reeled you in.
OP, I think you need to start re-claiming your life. schooling to learn a marketable skill (as you've done) is a good start. Perhaps forge closer ties with your family and try to re-connect with some of your old friends. Maybe take up a hobby and make new ones.
And be more discerning in your dealings with others. Pay attention to the clues around you. just because someone is nice and friendly, does not mean they're good. And just because someone might be good, does not mean they will never let you down.
Your husband is not a life partner. He's an emotional dependent sucking the life out of you and if he's as toxic as you say he is your daughter is being adversely affected by him.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (22 June 2017):
You got played! Accept it and move on. Perhaps learn from your experience,; don't sleep with strangers.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (21 June 2017):
 OP, you saw pictures, but you did *not* know him. You had an adolescent fling.
Your husband is controlling/abusive, but that doesn't excuse cheating. You need to leave him and get counselling for yourself. Do not stay with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): Umm...You know any kind of information on the internet can be fake..right? Pictures can be faked also. His sister could also just be a friend faking being his sister. You say your reason for cheating is because your husband is controlling? Maybe he is like that because you cheated on him? If he is controlling like you say he never would have let you go to Vegas without him.I think you are trying to justify your cheating by blaming your husband. This is a very bad example of marriage you are setting for your children. Shame on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone that's gave feedback,He wasn't a complete stranger. I have plenty of pictures of him in uniform with his badge and in civilian clothes ..I knew who he was. I have badge number,social media , sisters number (he's called from her phone) etc.. I'm not that reckless.I wouldn't never leave my daughter alone without being supervised ! I might just need counseling myself. Five years ago we had couples counseling but it helps for a while. Things always end up being the same. He's (husband) controlling I've lost mostly all my friends because of his insecurities. We had a child at a young age and now that's all that matters to me my child's happiness even if I'm not happy. Things have happened in the 11 years we have been together. We had a break for 6months because of the same factors. We ended getting married after 5 years of engagement and now 3 years married. .The last thing that recently happened and made me think I'm not happy in this marriage was that my husband can't be supportive of me deciding to go back to college. My husband wasn't very happy about that. His first thoughts were how about your portion of income. That's when I was like wow! Really I can't . That was back in January. I finish my semester in May and headed to Vegas with my cousins and that's when I met the "cop". It's hard being a mother,student, full time worker and I guess wife. Thank you all for your feedback. It hurts reading them and going through this hurt process because no one knows. I guess that's the price I pay for my actions of this trip ??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): It will be hard for you to accept this but you were used for sex. More than not he is married or in a relationship already. Face it you are one of the lucky ones. You are still alive.You went to meet a guy who you did not know at all.People lie all the time.Now what...get to the doctor and get tested for every STD there is.Now the really hard part...you have to tell your husband so he can get tested. Then you need to go to consuling with or without your husband so you do not do something like risk your life for sex again.You are a mother....your daughter needs you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 June 2017):
 Maybe you should figure out your marital situation first? Rather than this "affair" with an almost total stranger.
If you ARE so unhappy in your marriage what are you teaching your daughter by staying? Life IS short. Why stay and be miserable? Why DO this to yourself, your child AND your husband? Does he not deserve some respect? Does he not deserve some happiness? Or is it all about you?
The "cop" (I put it in brackets because you don't even know for sure if he is one) got what he wanted. SEX. YOU threw yourself at him and he doesn't want complications. He might even BE married or have a partner - you simply don't know because YOU don't really know him. All you know about him HE has told you.
Have you tried googling him? If you know his full name, that is.
Regardless, I think you need to figure out your MESS at home before you continue chasing after this stranger.
And... I think you are being totally RECKLESS with your life. It is your life and you can live as you wish but remember that YOUR actions affect MORE people than JUST you. your husband for one, your daughter, your family.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 June 2017):
He hardly heard about your marriage and respected it, but neither did you because you both had the affair!
Did you leave your daughter alone or was her dad there? How did you explain the trip to your husband?
OP, you were just a fling for him - you knew that from the start. Just because you develop feelings for a stranger you're hooking up with doesn't mean he has to.
Either get marriage counselling or a divorce. Your husband and daughter deserve better. When you make things right, you will too.
Don't bother with the NY guy any more. I'd be surprised if he really was a cop. Either way, you're both morally corrupt, at the moment. Next time you consider an affair, pretend your daughter is your husband and her spouse is cheating on her. That's what you're doing.
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A
female
reader, DancerGirl1984 +, writes (21 June 2017):
I'm sorry to have to tell you but he used you. Plain and simple.
Don't be surprised if he has another relationship on the go and is using his job as an excuse to escape.
How convenient it is to have a brother who is also a cop. I smell a big lie here.
Move on from this fool.
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A
male
reader, Steve0770  +, writes (21 June 2017):
What about your husband? Was your daughter alone. Is your daughter old enough to take care of herself?
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