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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi all,I have a bit of a problem. About two years ago, when my now wife, then girlfriend were dating, we were both at University. We were working at a local hardware store part-time as was a number of guys i went to school with.I had always found my wife to be highly attractive and sexual intoxicating and i enjoyed sex with her very much. We had done the usual positions, a few things in public places and the like but nothing really outrageous.Well, one day i got onto the idea of sharing my wife sexually with my friends. The guys at work were the best bet because i knew some of them had crushes on my wife and it would be easy to convince them.It was after about three months at a party we threw at our new place that it finally happened and my wife ended up having sex with three of them. I was very turned on by watching my wife have sex with the other guys, particularly when it was more than one at a time (at one point it was all three).The problem is that since then she has refused to go any further and regards it as a drunken night once only thing. I on the other hand, think about it all the time. The idea of my wife have sex with other guys still turns me on and i would love to watch her do it again.Firstly, am i perverted for having this desire? Am i alone or is it pretty common?Secondly,should i simply be thankful for what has happened so far and not push for anything more or should i seek to get my wife to partake in another threesome/foursome for me?Thirdly, are women attracted by the prospect of have sex with multiple men or is it very uncommon?
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at work, crush, drunk, threesome, university Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): you are just fulfilling a primeval desire to submit to the alpha male... you are not a silverback, and have an urge to see your wife with one
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): It is very commen my friend. I love the idea of my wife with other men and she loves the idea of me inside other women then in her mouth, we often talk about it while having sex.
I think we are lucky in having simaler sexual fantasies. She once sucked me off in the early hours of the morning at a house party knowing another casualty of the party was watching and it turned me on alot when she took her top off to show off her tits and later told me she wanted the guy to grope her while she sucked me off.
Sex is a many varried beast and fantasy is a massive turn on for both men and women..use it to your advantage. Be completley honest with your wife about what turned you on about seeing her have sex with other men and maybe she will understand but dont force the issue. I love the idea of watching my wife sucking a hard cock while she is bent over getting fucked,but in reality i think we would agree that it isnt that healthy in practice. Dont think that you are obsessed by the idea, its just one thing that turns you on...there are many more(when i see my wife about to come, riding me and telling me her pussy belongs to me it drives me wild!) Talk to each other and consider you may have to acceot the fact that the idea of you watching her with other men does nothing for her.
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): I don't think this is an abnormal feeling for men. When I was in my 20s I would probably have shot anyone that I caught with my wife and the thought of sharing her never crossed my mind. In my 40s I got divorced and I developed a much closer and secure relationship with my new girlfriend that I had with my wife. My GF was expressing fantasy feeling to me about being with 2 guys so I set up a night with a friend of mine. I didn't tell her about it and I had him try to "pick her up" at a dance club while I was in the bathroom. She kept turning him down till she realized that he was my friend. From that point on she was completely into it. We went home that evening and shared her all night. She thanked me over and over for the experience and truely enjoyed being with both of us over and over. It happened one more time a few months later with the same friend. Since that time we have gotten married. That was 10 years ago. Since those 2 events she has expressed that she has no desire to have another man. I have this ongoing fantasy about watching her with other men, but she isn't interrested in it. I agree with everyone that says "don't pressure her". It is now just my fantasy. I know that I'll really hurt our relationship if I push the issue. If she says no then respect her. The first time it made my partner feel good about a fantasy and feel attractive. She says that if it were to happen again it would make her feel like a slut. If the two of you want to do it - great. If one of you isn't in to it then don't go there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): I am just so lucky to find a website dedicated to this topic. I would definitely have to say do not push your love one, just be cool! You will see!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): ok... So you like to watch other men have sex with your wives, that's your thing, that floats your boat, but... I think that whats really turning you on is the men? Is it possible that your interested in men as well as woman? Most men that fantasize about threesomes and foursomes are with other women and not other men. I just cant see how you can allow another man to sleep with your wife, and how that must make her feel is beyond me. And to the guy that had his friends sleep with his drunk wife, its apparent that she didn't like what happened that night after she sobered up. I'm sure it didn't make her feel to good, she didn't like it, and is very uncomfortable with what happened. If you love her and wanna be with her, why would you pressure her to do something that doesn't pleasure her. She probably feels really disrespected. Maybe instead of turning to a website blog on how to get your wife laid by your friends, you should talk to the person you want to involve on WHY it bothers her so much, and not ways to persuade her into doing something that makes her feel degraded.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): I think you people have problems. You need to seek a marrige counselor. I know logic, tells me that when a couple gets further on in a relationship they get BORED with each other. Thats common. But commiting adultery, even upon agreement is no way to spice up your marrige kids. I am no theopist but it is a little bit of a domination thing for the men, (only it is a man doing the domination) to the husband that is turning the husband on. Seek help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Nope... same thing here........Totally normal
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): Your completely normal, many, many men fantasize about watching their wives with other men. Many, many woman enjoy being with other men while their husbands watch. I think it has a lot to do with being highly evovled and secure. My wife and I started experimenting with light threesomes and foursomes several years ago. It's simply amazing. She always wants me to participate at least somewhat, at least be touching her. It doesn't happen often but in the right situation she enjoys me directing things to make it happen. She says she loves the feeling of me offering her up to someone sexually, makes her feel very sensual and "owned". Which for some strange reason she can't understand feels very powerful and comforting. I often fantasize about your experience, letting two or three men enjoy her while I mostly watch, we often talk about it and it makes us both wild, but have yet to experience it. I think we will some day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): when i was active duty military, i had an agreement with my wife that she could have sex with other men when i was on an unaccompanied tour (usually a one year tour where wives/families are not allowed). at first she said she would never need to do so, but within 3 months of our first long term separation, she wrote me a letter asking me if i was serious about my offer because no sex was driving her crazy. i told it was ok and soon after she called me and said "well i done it". this really turned me on and i was surprised by that. when the tour of duty was over and we were together again, we never talked about her having sex with other men. when i was on orders for a tour to turkey, she asked me it was still ok. i didnt need to ask what was ok, i just told her sure. after i had been in turkey for a couple of months, i inquired if she had been going out and she said she had and that her first date was about 3 weeks after i left. i asked if it was always the same guy or different men and she said different men. this too excited me. when i finished that tour and returned home, we again did not really talk about what she had been doing, but i was curious. one nite before sex as i was engaging in foreplay with her, i asked her about the men, the sex, did she enjoy herself, did she want to do it some more. telling me about everything was a turn on for her and she admitted she was interested in going out with men even with me home and was trying to think of a way to ask me. while we were having sex i told her it would be alright with me if she wanted to go out. she started cumming so hard at that, i could not believe she was the same girl i married. she went out the next nite and met a suitable guy and had sex with him...she came home, told me all about it and had sex with me. she was hotter than i have ever seen her. after that our sex lives really improved....we found that sexual exclusivity was not for us. you have to give your wife room to think and you have to be nonjudgmental. if you get too anxious and become pushy, it will turn her off completely. the best thing you can do is not press the watching part...encourage her to go out to clubs with friends where she can see and meet men who might get her thinking again about what you want to do. find out her fantasies. encourage, dont pressure. let nature take its course. we are not naturally monogamous and she knows you want her to have sex with another guy. sooner or later she will. i may not be with you there, but you can enjoy having her tell you about it....after a while you will be watching her have sex with men again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Hi,
You are lucky.
I am still trying to get my wife to warm up to the idea.
We've discussed it off & on. She's never had many partners, and is curious about what it would be like to be with another man.
That really turns me on and now i just find her extremely sexy. I want us to go for it, but i guess i have to be patient and wait and hope ...
I think you shouldn't push her into it. If she's for it, she will eventually start talking about it, and may be you can take it from there.
For now, do what i do ... fantasise!
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): Well it seems that this is pretty normal. When I returned from a 4 month deployment my wife agreed to give oral to a guy of my choice. We used a website and I picked a well endowed younger guy. He came over and we talked for a few minutes before he took off his pants and sat down on the couch. I watched my wife give him the best oral I have ever seen. She swallowed and everything. I enjoyed it so much I would love to have her do it again and again and more. She doesn’t want to, so I have to live thru that one experience until she wants to try it again. If you ever have the chance to experience this go a head and enjoy it. But keep in mind that it may be the one and only time. Plus you can not get mad at her or ever hold it against her because YOU are the one that asked for it, so if you want to get mad at anyone “LOOK in the mirror”!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): I finally told my wife I fatnasise and would love her having sex with other men. I'm not jealous. I just want to watch or have her tell me all about it. She didn't think i was serious at first, however, the next day she asked me about it again and had a huge smile and grin on her face as she asked. I told her I was serious, but she then refused. Judging be her face i know she wants it, but why did she say no?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): I've been married for 15 yrs, when we were younger in our 20's we did have a open marriage I had my guy friend have sex with my wife several times I enjoyed watching, I still get guys checking out my wife when she wears her mini skirts, she had great thighs. If I had a chance I would watch another man have sex with my wife again, I have nothing to worry about and she cant get pregnant so the guys can keep cumming nothing wont happen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Hi there, i have the same thoughts but can't bring myself to say it out loud. My wife goes on holiday with her sister and i know she teases and gets horny around other guys, but when she is at home she is a bit more reserved, maybe she thinks i will be angry. She is very open minded and i think she would be turned on by the thought of me watching or joining in, i have to tell her soon or i will burst. You are not alone on this. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007): Everyone that answered, except the girl who said she enjoyed it, is clueless.Of course your girl said she doesn't want to do it again.For one thing you don't have any confidence about what you want. And, she doesn't want to come across as a tramp or threaten her relationship by hurting your feelings. Look at the answers from the other guys and it should be easy to understand why.My wife was exactly the same. I just kept teasing and threatening to bring somebody home.Then I found a guy that was willing and was a perfect good looking gentleman. It worked out great. We had a couple more sessions with him over a couple year period, then this year we met with someone else.In between was a lot of talking and even emotions I didn't expect. But, we both have had fun, and keep it as that.Everybody wants to feel attractive to other people and I guarentee they are going to be attracted to other people. But, it's nice to have control over it and not be secrative.Don't force just keep teasing. When the opportunity arises you'll be surprised how fast your partner will jump in if you make her feel loved, beautiful and reasured that you will still stand by her. Then do it.Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): hey, i don't think any of the anonymous guys are insane. In fact i believe most guys have this type of fantasy. My husband and i have been married for quite a while and when he his horny he tells me this. After he is satisfied, he says that he really doesn't want to do that anymore. Funny huh?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): You got your wife drunk and let your friends sleep with her. Way to degrade her so that every time she sees them she can remember you betrayed her and let her get owned.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): I am married for the past 5 years. One fine day, the very idea of other men watching my wife nude, kissing her breasts and having sex with her struck my mind from nowhere. I got very excited. Since then I have been carrying this fantasy with me. I too fear that this might be abnormal. On the same note: I am not a gay. Millions of mile far from it, believe me. Besides I am emotionally very happy person too. After reading these messages I am starting to think, perhaps this fantasy might be a deeply hidden emotion in many men and only very few like us are uncovering it. Who knows, this behaviour might have a meaning if analyzed from human evolution standpoint. Whatever it is, I agree with all those who said, respect your wife's decision. If she is not interested, don't do it. period.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): O.K. this is really weird, but I also have this desire. The strange thing is I am very jealous. I get mad if another guy even looks at my wife. The other weird thing is that sometimes I want this, and sometimes I don't. I find that when I am very horny, the thought of her with another man and myself really turns me on, but when I am satisfied, the thought makes me angry. This is the only reason I don't push the issue. I think if it ever happened I would never forgive her for actually doing it. I have talked to her about it in the past. She told me she would never ever do it. She said she would not be able to go through with it. I dont know if she really never would, or she was just telling me that so I wouldn't be upset that she would want to.I thought about it, and I do trust her very much.I think she is telling the truth. Also I would have been very mad and upset if she said yes. I am very confused, so I'm sorry if this sounds like jibberish. Well to finish, I have to say, I still often think about this happening, and the thought of it turns me on.Although sometimes, it doesn't. I think I need help. AND I AM NOT GAY. FAR FROM IT, TRUST ME.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): try to sensual massage for yor wife
www.massageforwife.com
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): Well, I must say if your wife is not agreable then you have a problem. Unless she wants the situation, where anyone besides you is plunging into her you kinda gotta respect that. Not that I don't know where your coming from, but we must be fair in our judgments.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): Dude, just the thought of another bloke touching my wife sends the red mist down. I can honestly say I would do time if I ever found out and she knows it as I have told her.
On the other side mate if she said "NO" then repect the girls answer, after all "NO" means "NO" and it should never go any further.
Fantasies are great and can spice things up but that is where they belong, fantasy land!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): No you are not abnormal, I also had/have the same fantasies, and we did act it out one time only, I was worried how to broach the subject, so I would mention it while we were having sex. I then asked her if she would be willing to talk to someone on the phone while we were having sex and that turned out to be a satisfying experience, we did that three time before we was ready to try with one of our phone friends.
We are still married and still in love 23 years after.
Regards Bob
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): actually, it is normal, regardless if your wife is into it or not. if she's not, don't push it. but, remember, your fantasy life is not judged based on your wife's fantasies. i'm sure you might not get excited by some of her fantasies. does that mean they are abnormal? my GF and i fantasy talk about m f m threesomes during sex a lot. it turns us both on. i'm not sure if we'd ever do it. it can kill a relationship because of emotional problems it can cause. but, the fantasy is normal. lots of men have it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): You are not alone in your fantasy. My wife and I have been doing this for sometime and it has added to our sexual satisfaction. She knows I love her and she loves me...but she really enjoys the attention of other men and that she still has the "it" factor when it comes to making men excited. An idea if she is not into doing this right away is talk to her about wet t-shirt contest or even amateur night at a strip club. You go someplace other than you home town and there is total anonymity. Some people will bash those who explore the sexual fantasies...but if it works for your relationship, then that is all that matters. I would stress one important point...communication. Make sure that the both of you talk to each other about everything. Without it, things can and will go bad.Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): My husband and I have been married for about 34 yrs. He is 10 yrs older than I am and has slowed down sexually. We tried this a few times. Now we dont have sex at all. This did not do anything FOR our relationship. See some years ago in counseling I told the counselor about his fantasy. I have to talk about MEN for him to get aroused. He is not passionate about women at all. I have even told him it is HIS turn to be watched with a woman and he will have no parts of it. I even told him he could be with someone without me there. Wants no part of it...I dont know about the original poster but I feel this is a latent homosexual problem in my husbands case....
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): It is a part of sex, no issue if made and female agrees for it.
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reader, wife  +, writes (7 July 2007):
I think this behaviour is little abnormal. I also have this desire and my wife likes this idea but we are not sure how this will affect our relationship. My justification for this thought is I love my wife so much so I like to give her something extra in everything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): I think its a good thing and i want my wife to do that now. We play with toys and pretend they are all different guys, but i would like to watch the real thing. Any suggestions on how to approach this with her. I just dont want to to mess up my marriage. I always think about her with other guys while we have sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007): I have this fantasy as well man, and I have brought it up to the wife. She admits it turns her on, but is happy for now keeping it in fantasy land. This is fine with me, as would it be if it never happened. I consider myself very lucky to be able to express these feelings to her and have her delight in the prospect of it. But I believe she is like your wife. She likes the idea more because it turns me on than it does her. As long as this remains the case, I am content with things staying the way they are. If the idea begins to occupy her to the point of wishing to explore it furthor, then i believe things may také a new turn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): To writer before. Mutual respect?? Happy relationship and an affair?? She has to be drunk to do that?? What are you talking about? Why did you cheat in the first place?? Sued of sexual harassment by the woman you had an affair with. Wow you really make great decisions in your life. Another evidence your lifestyle really doesn't work as good you imagined. But what's cool is that self-deception can make people happy. So if you're happy then fine. I wonder if your wife already cheated on you behind your back :P
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2007): I read all the responses to this writer with great interest, from the guy who sympathises, to the woman who blames it on porn. Some responses are better than others, but all are, in my opinion, a little off the mark.Like the writer of this piece, I have the exact same fantasy. And I do believe it's common. My wife and I have met other men in a restaurant, bar, or club. It's never gone as far as sex, but she's allowed them to kiss her and feel her breasts while I watch. It's probably happened half a dozen times. She has to be drunk, her mood has to be right, but even then, her biggest thrill is the one it gives me.By the same token, she doesn't enjoy taking out the trash or cleaning up our kid's vomit when they're sick. Ditto for me.My wife and I have been together 26 years. We're best friends. About 5-years ago, I was sucessfully sued by one of my employees for sexual harrassment. We were having an affair. I got what I deserved. My wife was mad for about a month, then we sat down and talked. For the first time in 21-years, we talked about our fantasies. My wife said she is living her dream life, and wanted to how to make mine the same.Of course there are limits, and I'm not saying to force your wife into something that would harm her emotionally. But sell it as the fuel that powers you, and go to the next level, however she defines it, for her.Mutual respect, and doing for each other, is the key to long term happiness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everybody for replying. I have decided to inform her that i am thinking about it but i wont make any reference to her doing in the future. I want us to be honest and tell each other everything but i dont want her to do anything she doesnt want to do.I appreciate anonymous' (Sept 1) reply. I havent ever spoken to anybody about this but i was increasingly getting the impression that i was sick, even though i have read stuff about partner watching on the net before.Can you tell me how your experienced happened?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2006): I believe everything you said. My boyfriend wanted me to have sex with his friend while he watched, and i loved it. So i dont think your pulling our chain (like another poster commented) so i think you are normal (but then again what is normal to one isnt to another). However if your wife doesnt want to do this then i suggest you dont pressure her into it, because then that can cause tension and well... i think you get the point. Also, i dont think you can ask "is this what women like" because just like men, women are different, some wont be into it and some will. Despite the fact that all women share the same sexual organs, we do not share the same sexual fantasies
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reader, pica +, writes (29 August 2006):
It's up to you & your wife what you do but I can't help feeling you're trying to get support for your argument .. "hey, the internet people all said it's normal, so why won't you do it?". Thing is, fantasy is one thing but reality is very, very different and this is perhaps what your wife has discovered. I think you need to get past this or your marriage just won't work out.
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reader, Kimia +, writes (29 August 2006):
I guess your instantaneous desire to share your wife's sexuality with other men is not a normal sex behaivor, if not perversion: you're far off the right track. This fantacy I have found rare in men except those suffering from some abnormal disorders like to see their sexual partner being manipulated by others. Maybe this reflects some deeper psychological abnormality you pull along from childhood.
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reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (28 August 2006):
 I think you're making this one up. No guy I've ever met ever said he wants to watch his wife banging other guys. That is just strange. I used to own a bar and I've heard guys talk about fantasizing about having sex with 2 or more women, but never have I heard anyone say they wanted to watch their wives getting gang-banged. You need some help. . . or you're just jerking our chains.
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reader, Yos  + ♥, writes (28 August 2006):
 You are not perverted or alone in having this desire. It's a common fantasy. Nancy Friday did a book researching male fantasies, this was one of the most common. She interprets the desire coming from a few places: hidden homo-erotic desire being one, and sex as a competitive game against other men as another. I'm not sure about her interpretations, but at least you know you're not the only guy having these feelings. The book is called 'men in love' in case you want to look out for it.
As for whether you should go any further. It sounds like your wife has made her wishes very clear: that she doesn't want it to happen again. You have to respect that. Whatever the reason, if she's not into it, you really must not force the issue. To do so will damage your relationship.
Nancy Friday also did a (now famous) book researching female fantasies. Sex with multiple men did come up, but it seems that multiple-partner sex features more often in male fantasies than female. The more common female themes seemed to be about sex with anonymous strangers, non-consensual sex, and generally sex in romantic places with a strong emotional connection occurring.
Perhaps you can come to some kind of compromise, and find ways to act out your fantasies together without going as far as having anyone else involved?
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reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (28 August 2006):
 Dear, your wife has spoken. She told you " It was a drunken night once only thing". Please listen to that and respect her wishes. It's a rare women who would agree to threesomes/foursomes/group sex, anyways. Do not push for anything more. It's obvious that the idea of doing it again is unsettling to her because maybe she realizes that all you want out of it is instant self gratification at the expense of her self-respect. Maybe she even didn't enjoy it. If that's the case, kinda self-serving on your part to further insist upon it don't you think? So when 'you' want something that 'feels good' and you want it 'right now'...other people can get hurt and it could destroy intimacy in a marriage. As for your question, are women attracted by the prospect of sex with multiple men? I can only tell you my own personal opinion. No-I am and always have been strictly a 'one man' woman. Sex between my partner and I, is private and personal. It's a very special moment only reserved just for the man I love and wholly trust. If he were ever to even suggest we bring other people into out bedroom, than to me, the act of love becomes just sex, with no meaningfulness and to me that is shallow and hollow. Just my opinion...take it or leave it, dear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): If your wife tells you that it was a drunken and one time only occurance...you need to listen.
That she is turned off by this should indicate to you her true stance on the multiple partners idea.
To her; her marraige is important and with it is the fidelity-forsaking all others.
I don't think your desire for you wife to be used and abused by other men is a "normal" desire as she says it isn't so.
This isn't about what others think; who gives a rats' ass?
This is about you and your wife and what she thinnks. In the end; you love her then start doing it. She told you straight out so deal with it.
Get some counseling for yourself please so this doesn't esculate into cheating/divorce.
Good Luck.
Oh...not all women entertain let alone would practice having mulitple partners. Damn your porn viewing.
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