A
female
age
18-21,
skigirl
writes:Almost two years ago I started dating this guy, but he had to move away so I ended our relationship. We now live on the opposite sides of the country and I can't stop thinking about him. I have hooked up with other guys but none of them can make me stop thinking about him. He's dated other girls but before he came home to visit he broke up with his new girlfriend and he hasn't had one since. It's been almost two years and I can't stop thinking about him, HELP!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (9 March 2008):
 It is easy for us to attribute all the qualities we are looking for in someone onto someone that is far away. You don't ever get any evidence to contradict it like you would if you had to interract with him like these other guys. It's not healthy to expect another "guy" is going to just come along and erase all that because it's your faulty thinking that is the problem. It's not realistic. It also keeps you from learning what you need to learn at this age by dating and getting to know yourself. It is easy to do(fantasize about some far away person) because dating is scary. You will eventually have to go through this process if you want to grow and have good relationships. Married women sometimes do this and start fantasizing about some ex boyfriend they got an email from and haven't seen in over 10 yrs! All the sudden it becomes this huge dilemma that's not even based on reality. It's not this guy holding you back, it's your fear!
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