A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don’t want to cheat on my boyfriend. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. But here is the problem: he is bisexual and has had girlfriends before who he has had sex with. I am not sure if I am bisexual but have never slept with a woman. This isn’t for lack of trying. I am actually considered good-looking and have had women ask me out in the past. Thing is, I thought I was gay, but now I am not so sure. I have a lot of fantasies about women and watch porn with women in. I’m not scared of women and I don’t ‘dislike’ them, but I just want to have sex with a woman, not a romantic relationship. My boyfriend, however, would (rightly) consider this cheating. I don’t want to be tempted, but made the mistake of telling a close female friend of my curiosity. Now she is pressuring me and says she wants me to sleep with her. I ‘sort of’ kissed her once, and I have to say that I wasn’t turned on and wonder if it is kind of a ‘fantasy’ that I wouldn’t like in real life. I still can’t stop thinking about sex with a girl, though and wonder if I will regret it if I don’t do it now while I have the chance. But I am also worried about feeling guilty for the rest of my life for cheating on my boyfriend.Sorry, this is confused but so am I. I hope someone has some thoughts.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 November 2012):
 Your sexual orientation, IMO, does not change the substance of your problem , which is , you are in a committed relationship, but you are tempted to live out your erotic fantasies with other people.
This is really no different, to me, that if you had a gf and would say, I love my gf, but I am so curious to try with ... ( an older woman, a female bodybuilder, a natural redhead, etc. anything that your gf is not ).
At this point , the answer is perhaps lame , but inevitable. You've got to decide what do you care more, keeping ( and respecting ) your relationship, or living out your fantasies and see where they take you.
if you decide for the second option, you have to leave your bf first. Cheating is wrong , whether you are straight, gay or bi. And not having ever tried something does not give you per se the right, or a moral free pass, to try it behind your partner's back.
A
male
reader, Jes  +, writes (6 November 2012):
 Curiosity. I thought it happens in the adolescent years? :) Just kidding man.
I presume, your confusion arises from the doubt in yourself that you are sincerely and acceptably gay. That doubt is not about your relationship. It's more of about yourself.
I sincerely believe you love your partner as what you mentioned, living with someone for the rest of your life is simply love. I often have that same thought. But the thing is, dealing with your confusion at the latter stage of your life will be too counterproductive. Realising that you are not gay by your 60's will be not ideal situation.
I understand your fear of losing your beloved guy because of your confusion but talk to him. That's probably the best way to deal with it. If you really being urged by your inner self to do it. Talk to him and explain what are you feeling. By not talking to him, and still watching some porn (which I think is so counterproductive) will just fueling the confusion in your head which will lead you to cheating at some point in time. By talking to him, he will be aware of the situation and together, you might (im not assuring) get a some ideal relationship remedies. In that full awareness, if he will allow, then cheating will not be appropriate now.
Hope this somehow helps. keep us posted.
Contant communication, deep trust, openness, intimacy. Those are the recipes of a good homosexual relationship. The spices you want to have will be at the side.
Thanks.
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