A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok heres the dilema, I'm married and have 2 kids. Years ago I met a guy who totally blew my world away, we only saw each other for a short time and were never intimate sexually. I had to break it off because my ex wanted me back in my life and like a fool I took him back. Now years later me and the other guy are friends, actually best friends, but I can't deny that I still have feelings for him and think he feels the same. My life/job can be somewhat stressful, and my husband who is a good parent is always grumpy and lazy. I want to ask my friend if we could re-live some old times, but not to the point where its cheating...Just getting together and spending some time hugging, cuddling and kissing...we would draw the line there.Has anyone else ever been involved in something like this before?
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best friend, kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DV1 +, writes (11 July 2013):
 You're already emotionally cheating. Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, your husband is grumpy because you don't respect him?
P.S. Your concept of what you think is cheating is entirely skewed...
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 July 2013):
 You are *already* cheating on your husband big time. Why do you think he's "grumpy and lazy"? I'll tell you why -- you're alienating affection from him. When was the last time you got your husband away for a weekend, a date, a vacation, and reconnected with him?
You're having an emotional affair with each bit of contact you have with this new guy, and by contact I mean by having an ongoing relationship. It's *not* platonic friends if you have feelings for him, even if they aren't acted upon.
You're cheating on him now, because what if you got what you wanted, you're with this guy, and you find out he's having a close emotional relationship with another woman, wanting her hands all over him, wanting kissing and stuff? You'd be absolutely devastated and betrayed, and that's what you're about to do to your husband.
Talk to your husband and cut off contact with this other guy. You're cheating. You're disloyal. Your regrets about whether you should have taken your ex back are meaningless on the other side of the marriage vows. Unless you divorce your current husband, your regrets are meaningless, and your "offering" this other guy is worthless. You cannot commit. You would be starting a new relationship with this other guy with trust demolished, because he knows you're a cheater. If you did it to your husband and the father of your children, you'd do it to him.
Focus on your husband. Go to counseling. Stop alienating affection from him, and either return to your husband or divorce him. Stop your affair, because it's CURRENTLY in progress. You don't need the penis to go into the vagina for it to be cheating. You're already full-on there.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (11 July 2013):
It seems to me you want to start off with kissing cuddling and draw the line there......that never happens. It always leads to more. YOU will want MORE!
You need to seriously think of your happiness, your husband (and yes any of the above is cheating) and more importantly the example you are setting for your children.
If you want a healthy relationship. Speak with your husband and tell him how you feel. Tell him want you needs are. How darn you ask your best friend to do these things to fill the void you are feeling. Please think of him, his feelings and his NEEDS. Stop thinking of yourself!
You need to make a decision that is going to make you happy. It may not be popular for everyone else but it is your life.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 July 2013):
 If your husband's okay with it, then go for it! If you can't tell him, then it's cheating.
If your husband is a great dad but a lousy husband, why not set him free to find someone else to be a husband to and let him be a great parent.
Are you asking for permission to do this by asking if other people have felt like this? I'm sure many have wished to have cuddles and kisses and snuggles with a nice man and not the grumpy lazy father of their children. Does that make it any less cheating?
Um, der, um, no.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 July 2013):
 You are proposing having an affair here. Cuddling, kissing, etc... that's all cheating. If you're not planning to tell your husband? Cheating. This isn't the answer to your problem. If you are unhappy with your marriage you either need to fix it or end it. Because sooner or later, this arrangement is going to come to light and everyone will be hurt. Also I highly doubt you will be able to hold off going further. One thing will lead to another.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (11 July 2013):
This is usually called cheating and as you can tell on this site, it never is really a good idea. You were the one who made the choice to be with your current spouse, learn to live with the choices you have made.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 July 2013):
 What makes you think getting together and spending some time hugging, cuddling and kissing isn't cheating. Especially as there still seems to be an emotional involvement on your part. And how do you intend making sure that in the heat of the moment with all that hugging, cuddling and kissing that it wont lead to actual penetration?
And what of your friend's feelings, needs and emotions in all this? Have you considered those, or is he meant to be ecstatic at being given a chance at the crumbs from your husband's table?
And the final question, will your husband be involved in this arrangement, is he going to be kept fully informed or do you intend sneaking off to get your hugging, cuddling and kissing behind his back?
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