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I don't want to break up. What can I do? She wants to tell everyone we are dating and I am not there yet.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Gay relationships, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 April 2013) 7 Answers - (Newest, 3 May 2013)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am in a very complicated situation.

I've been dating this girl for a couples of months now. I had never dated a women before and before I met her I always considered myself straight 100%. I don't like women, I just like her.

I have actually become very closed to her and I love her; but the idea of living a lesbian life makes me a little anxious.

Starting with my family not accepting gays. Not to mention She is very open and very obviously gay; and having to hide our relationships has been of a little troublesome for her.

She wants to tell everyone we are dating and I am not there yet.

I don't know when will I be ready; and I don't want to hurt her. I want to take some space from each other to figure things out, but she takes it as if we are breaking up.

I don't want to lose her; but I feel like I am already losing her Because she gets frustrated when I hide our relationship.

When I talk about space, all she think of is break up... I don't want to do that!!! Why can't ppl take some time apart?? what to do...???........

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013):

Obviously you don't want to lose her and obviously you're not ready to accept that you might be totally gay.

Sit down with her and talk.

Tell her how you feel about the fear you have about coming out, and tell her how much you want to stay with her.

If she does love you and want to be with you, she will wait. But remember noone would wait forever. You sooner or later will have to come out if you are truly gay. Hiding now doesn't mean you can hide it forever. If you don't know what you truly want then noone else can help you.

Good luck dear.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013):

I had exactly the same situation happen, my ex was exactly like you, literally word for word was like walking down memory lane. We broke up because her hiding our relationship made me miserable and not good enough. If you really love her, it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks and if you both love one another you can both give and take. Please please please don't let anyone elses opinion influence your decision because that's what happened to me and four years later I still have a broken heart

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (25 April 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWell I have to be honest to me "some time apart" 'we need a break" or anything like that has always been code for "it's the beginning of the end but I'm not ready to totally end it yet"

it's sad for her and for you.

I get her feelings

I get your feelings

sadly BOTH of you are RIGHT.

and I am not sure what to tell you.... if you have explained to her like you have explained to us what's going on, and she can't or won't accept it, then you really do not have a choice but to end it with her.

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A female reader, R1 United Kingdom +, writes (25 April 2013):

R1 agony auntYou need to explain to her clearly and openly why you aren't ready to come out as gay. This is very personal to you and she can't rush you. But from her point of view she doesn't want to be used while you figure out your sexuality. Are you really gay? Is that what you truly want emotionally and sexually? Only you know the answer to this...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013):

I am sorry to hear your news.I think she loves you but just does not want to hide your relations.

If you do not feel good,you can visit http://www.porncc.org.There are some professionals can give you perfect advice.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (25 April 2013):

CindyCares agony aunt This is a very unfortunate situation, but I think you should break up in fairness to this person.

It's not your fault if you aren't ready to come out , or even sure that you want to come out, as you don't identify yourself as a lesbian . But you have no idea when you will be ready , or even IF you'll ever be ready, and what do you want to do , keep her on the down low indefinitely, as your dirty little secret , while she has the wish , and the right, for a regular relationship in which she is treated and aknowledged as your partner ? If I were her, I think I'd find it demeaning for my dignity. Your hesitation is quit understandable, on the other hand one could also say that if you are not ready to own your actions... then don't even start the actions to bgin with.

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A female reader, raiders United States +, writes (25 April 2013):

raiders agony auntShe is in her right not to want to hide a relationship and if she wants to break up there is not much you can do. She is openly gay and is not a shame of her sexual orientation and feel like if your hiding your likes for a women or lets not classified gender she may feel that your embarrassed of her in general. Give yourself space and see if this is what you want but don't string her in your new adventure because you could really hurt her.

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