A
female
 ,
*una~
writes:My boyfriend plays video game as a way to release stress (or for fun too). His ex-wife always had a problem with him playing games and not spending time with her. He's only in his early 20s. He doesn't smoke or drink or go clubbing. Everyone has their own hobby. Now I'm with my boyfriend, I let him play his video game while I do my own stuff. I know deep down he really appreciate I'm okay with him playing his game. Sometimes, I'll even sit by him and watch him play. He hinted to me that he enjoys my company.Honestly, sometimes I want him to do something else with me other than his games. Or I want him to go to bed with me instead of staying up and play his games. I'm afriad to ask him to stop. I don't want to be like his ex-wife. If I occasionally ask him to stop playing and spend some time with me, will he feel controlled?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): I had the exact same problem. Every single night for the last three years he has been playing xbox, poker online or playstation. We are engaged but recently I feel like calling it all off, I cant stand it, the bloudy shooting noices and the clicking of the mouse and he too hates alcahol and never goes out with the guys, or does anything without me but still I cant stand it. I tried everything, nagging, complaning, threatening but I got knowhere so I started to do my own thing and being cold and ignoring him and he kind of got better. We sometimes play together, sometimes we do other things or soemtimes he just does it when im sleeping. Its not easy, really brings you down. Maybe try to go out with the girls and do ur own thing that way he will realise what hes doing wrong xx anon
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Rather than telling him to cut down outright (which indeed comes off as controlling), maybe you can circumvent the problem by planning in advance activities for the both of you away from the home. Something similarly relaxing for the both of you, but without the possibility of being distracted by the Xbox. Done artfully enough, he won't even realize that you're getting him more to yourself by cutting into his game time a bit. It's not unethical if he still gets to decompress (his supposed reason for playing) so don't feel bad for making the attempt.
If you want to be a real hero, you could also commit a little time to boning up on some of his games, too. There is a bit of a learning curve, but you may then be able to join in with him. It is a pretty frivolous skill, but it might bring you closer together.
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