A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm just turning 20 and have been with my partner for a while and I love him dearly. The only problem is I've never had a high sex drive and it seems to be deteriorating. It's not just with my current boyfriend i've had this ever since i was sexually active. I find sex something unpleasent. I know it's a natural thing between to people who love each other but I still feel dirty and wrong when doing it and I hate the thought of any1 over hearing!!The only time ive ever had good sex is when I'm drunk because I can just let go and not worry but i don't want to keep having to be drunk to enjoy myself. Is there any advice anyone can give me?thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (11 March 2009):
 You know, "pain" is there for a reason. It tells you that something is not right. If you experienced physical pain while having sex, chances are that it is either the "technique", or your body is raising a red flag telling you something. So like Damluvaam said, get an appointment to a medical doctor soon. It may actually just be a simple matter of hormonal imbalance, which can be easily medically treated. So do not be afraid to get yourself checked.
However, if your "pain" includes bad memories, which you may or may not realize (perhaps you have pushed it deep into the recesses of your memory bank), you may need to go to a psychologist to analyse it. Self analysis may be possible if you are willing to be open with yourself. But you (or us here on this site) are not trained professionals in this field.
But one thing for sure, leave the drinks alone. It is never a cure. In fact, with impaired judgement caused by excessive (or over the limit) alocohol consumption, you couldbe endangering not just yourself but also others who love you.
Take your boyfriend with you when you visit the doctor and the therapist. If he loves you, he will want to be there to support you.
Good luck
Cat
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