A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I messed up things with my boyfriend and did something wrong for which he dumped me. I am really sorry about it but he will not stop getting angry with me and texting me horrible things. We had a week long argument which resulted in him saying something really awful to me that I wanted to end things over. I got a bit drunk and asked a friend to come up to talk to me and keep me company. I honestly didn't sleep with him, I wouldn't come on here asking for advice if I was going to lie.My boyfriend came over to talk but went through my phone and saw that I'd asked him over here. The thing is the whole time I've been with him, which is three years I've found out that he has slept over his exes a couple of times, he's gone out for a drink with her behind my back and used to text her all the time. This ex was from a decade ago and his excuse for doing it is that they were friends.I feel bad for a guy coming to my house to talk to me but I don't think he really has the right to say anything to me when he's done that.The more he goes on at me the more I'm starting to not really care any more, I'm saying nasty things back and he's getting more wound up the more I don't care. I don't like being this way and all bitchy but if I've said sorry and he's also done that with his ex a lot of times I don't know how to keep calm and not sound like a b*tch.Any advice on how to handle this please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2015): At the time I did it I didn't feel like I was doing it to get his back up or have revenge for what he did to me before. But looking at my question and the replies, maybe I was doing that, in a subconscious way. I don't like being that way :(Before I met him I found out the guy I was with was on a dating site. My friend in work was a member and she found that he was on there. While I was with him I hardly ever went out because he would get jealous in a very scary way. I wouldn't talk to any man, even friends I knew for years. I even deactivated my Facebook account because any man who commented on a photo or status he would always get annoyed by it. He even messaged a few of them.I never did anything like this to him. Then I started seeing my current boyfriend and I kept finding out that he was going to see his ex. He has also been quite jealous and sometimes he thinks I'm out with men and sleeping around for absolutely no reason at all.When I go out I talk to just about anybody, I can't stop talking, I like dancing a lot. But to me I think that's just being out going and enjoying myself. But my boyfriend says I flirt. So I never go out any more. Both of them knew I was quite a social person and very bubbly when they met me. It's something that they liked about me but didn't when they were my boyfriend.I feel like I can't talk to anybody and I'm starting feel a bit isolated. I think it's quite unfair as my boyfriend has been known to stay out all weekend and I don't have a clue where he is. Even though my ex was clearly cheating on me he went insane that I joined the dating site when we broke up. It's like I'm being told I have to behave and stay in and they can do whatever they want.Asking my friend up to have a chat wasn't a very good idea as it's just inflamed the situation and making it look like tit for tat as you say. But I just feel extremely lonely. I found out my boyfriend was going to see his ex because he didn't even bother to really hide it. He had a photo taken with her in a pub and I saw it on Facebook. I sent him a message another time on Facebook as he wasn't texting back and it showed his location on the message he sent back. He was sat in her house in a town about 50 miles from here.I don't want to be with him but the way I'm handling it is making things worse. I don't have a right to defend myself because I did something wrong, even though he's done it to me. But when he starts going on at me I just end up sounding like I don't care. I want to calm down and just take the things he's saying as I'm in the wrong but I can't help myself. I want to walk away from this in a calm way and it's not happening :(
A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (4 September 2015):
Hmm what good for the goose is good for the gander ..what I mean is maybe you invite your male friend to get up your bf nose a tad.. Make him feel some of the emotional hurt that you are feeling and it's clear from your post . You are hurting . I think you need to have a break tell him no calls no visits no texting ..etc for at least a month .. how did you find about him sleeping about ? Think about do you want to work this out, can it be worked out . If not then walk away with your dignity it will be hard but ending always are . Take care chin up sweetie.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 September 2015):
 I think you are sabotaging the relationship because you want a way out.
If someone is having trouble with their BF they DO NOT invite another male over to "keep them company" - at least NOT if they don't want more drama.
Your BF have a flaming double-standard. As he sees it, it's OK for him to hang out with exes, but you can't hang out with a male friend.
I mean you two are in your 30's, there should not be these petty tit-for-tat teenage issues going on, with nasty tests and arguments that last for a week! Seriously?
If you two don't live together I would suggest you either end it and cut the contact 100% or... you two take a break for a couple of weeks then sit down like a couple of grown up that you are and sort it out. If you can't do the latter, end it.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (3 September 2015):
 This sounds like you need to walk away. It's too heated. It doesn't seem like you two are a perfect fit.
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