A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years and our sex life has drastically changed in the last few months. We used to make love at least twice a week and now we haven't for about two months.I have to confess this is mainly my fault. I prefer to be the dominant one (so to speak), who initiates it. My boyfriend has recently turned the tables and will randomly touch me first thing in the morning. I don't like this and find myself rejecting him constantly. Is this normal? The more he tries the more i want to push him away. My bf has never forced me to have sex but i occasionally find myself making love and not wanting to deep down.I'm not sure i find him sexually attractive anymore, although i love him to bits. I did drunkenly kiss another guy (and got immensely turned on) a few months back and didn't tell my bf (which i know i should). However, the issue here is, do u think my lack of desire could be to do with this? My bf has put on abit of weight as well. What can i do? I just want us to be normal again
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): What your doing, I think many married men experience, and are accused of just wanting sex. I think a few of us men feel we are used doing all the pampering, and in the end, we feel empty, and then rejected. The way you stated it, it sounds like the typical line. Granted, if you truly have a headache or are sick, then we understand. If were the ones who have to always initiate sex and other things, we may eventually feel your not into us, and we feel rejected, just as you feel rejected when you don't get the attention you want.
If your boyfriend hears you carrying on with these other guys, he may think your more excited by them and give them more of your attention, he then will only attempt to get sex to reaffirm the relationship. Sex means more then just sex, as many women seem to think is all men want. Maybe because women in there younger years live more in fantasy then reality. Just an observation, as I have a mate of 20 plus years doing the same thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy have all you guys responded so harshly? In response to the anonynous male who said 'that doesn't sound like appreciated affection'- there's a difference between sex and affection. I appreciate it when we have time when he'll kiss me and cuddle me in a fond manner etc when i know he's not just after one thing! And as for 'playing games'?? If I don't feel the desire to make love to him, how is that playing games?!
I think to be honest, it was the drunken kiss that didn't help- the guy kept saying how beautiful/stunning I was, something that i hardly ever hear from my bf. I also had this male friend text me saying that he loves me (which isn't an issue really, because i have a bf and it must just be an infatuation). But overall, i just want my bf to show me that I'm beautiful and not be so overstated about what he wants. I know that i should be flattered, because he obvs does find me attractive to want to, but like hslkitten stated 'women like to feel special'.
I think i will talk to him. I think its prob just my confidence is down (hence the drunken kiss)and don't feel very loved/appreciated. Thank you to hslkitten and the anonymous female writer who commented on their own experience, that really helped.
To the anonymous female who commented on her experience-
I just wanted to say that you really hit the nail on the head. Did you tell your boyfriend/partner about the affair?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Hi Sweetheart. I'm not sure I can provide an answer as I'm looking for one myself to this question. I love my boyfriend, very much so but our sex life has become virtually non-existant. I think for me, it has been about not receiving the attention I used to get from him when we first started going out- even just telling me I look nice or something. He doesn't seems as interested in me and I think my confidence declined so much so that I started to not want to get naked in front of him, take my clothes off etc. I won't ever initiate anything with him now. Don't let it get that bad. I've tried talking to my boy about it but he is useless at communication- yours hopefully won't be. My problem is also that- the kiss you shared with the other guy, which really did it for you- I did that too, but it ended up going much further into a full blown affair. I sort of felt addicted if I'm honest and now I'm in a real pickle that I may have mucked things up for ever because of my own insecurity.I may be completely off the ball here- and you may not be feeling this way at all but I understand the signs of going somewhere else for affection. Be careful if you truely love him. if he truely loves you he will be willing to listen and want to talk through your problems so you can work on them as a couple. It sounds very extreme- especiallly to someone of your age but counselling may help? Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten + ♥, writes (29 April 2008):
 I actually know where you're coming from when you say you feel cuddles are just because they want to move on to sex. I have had feelings similar in the past, where i felt thats what one of my uses were.
Maybe you feel a bit like a piece of meat? Women need to feel special to someone to be able to relax enough to want sex with them. Most women anyway. Thats why i believe i dont go a bundle on one nighters.
Does he annoy you a lot of the time? little unimportant things that didn't used to?
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Actually you don't like his affection as according to you when he touches you it makes you disinterested. That doesn't sound like appreciated affection to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Yep, women know men want sex, so they play games with him. Eventually, this may bite you in the heart strings.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere was oodles of chemistry when we first got together, couldn't keep our hands off each other, then things died down slightly (which i know is perfectly normal, the 'honey-moon' period over, so to speak). Now, things are really slow. My bf isn't the pressuring type, at all, but because i know he's so desperate for sexual attention i don't want it. Its like, if he's touching me i feel like hes only doing it so it progresses to sex (like thats all he's after). thankyou for all those comments. I just wanted to say, I think it was harsh of one of the contributors to say that i don't see him as my boyfriend. I love him and I love his affection, company and personality.But thankyou for the comment- in another circumstance,that might have been the answer i was looking for. Its always nice to have a variety of responses to think about. Many thanks x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): Because you don't see him as your bf anymore!
But you love him as a friend.. You see him as your friend..you just lost your passion for him!
Just speak with him..he will understand you!He will appreciate it if you will be honest!
Good Luck....
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A
female
reader, hlskitten + ♥, writes (28 April 2008):
Hi
It doesn't sound like there is a whole lot of chemistry going on here. Was there chemistry when you first dated him?
Could be hormone problems, meds, many reasons why its disappeaered?
c xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): It seems to be normal for many women. They rely on there feelings only and don't use their brains. The excuse you've provided as to why you feel this way, which is none, is why most men seek a mistress during the relationship. Constant rejection with no explanation makes an individual believe they are no longer wanted or loved. The last thing a man wants from his mate is coldness, and making love to a cold piece of meat is a turn off, the mate becomes a slab of beef instead of a romantic and intimate partner.
You need to figure out why your doing this and change, otherwise, I doubt you'll have a very happy life with a man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): look ,if you are really intrested in having your love life back with him then it means you still need him or may be you still are in lov ewith him.well,this makes your problem simple.now what you need to do is ....
put on him diet.lol!!...and you can even ask him to join some health club where evn you can company him and its a fun to sweat together in bed as well as in gym..like this you will get more quality time with each other and may be this will add some spice to your stale relationship.nad then sweetie you yourself has to do some amendments in yr behavior toward him..
atlest you know he love you too so why not make him crazy about you and your bosy and am sure after a time even you will attract towards his toned body..so just go and hug him next time you see him
cheers!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI made it sound as though I don't want to make love but i do it anyway... what i actually meant was that I get moist/excited after he starts touching me but don't ache for him sexually. If that makes sense? Its hard to explain.
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