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I don't want him back. Yet feel like I was never important to him. What are some coping strategies I can use?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Faded love, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 December 2012) 2 Answers - (Newest, 28 December 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So im currently single going through a breakup.

my ex and I have been dating for about 4 years, and we have been broken up for about two months now.

At first i was really strong about the whole thing and im completly sure about my decision but a girl can only take so much until she starts breaking up the inside.

At first he would call me and try to get back with me and ask for another chance but i knew that i could not be with him if i wanted to move forward in life.

So one day he called me and decided to be mean and complety rude saying that i was the whole reason why we broke up because i get mad about every little thing and called me some harsh names.

He also said that if my friends were not my friends they would take his side because i was just being stupid about the whole thing. so i told him he had no reason to call me and to leave me alone and to never call me again.

well the very next day i was on facebook and saw that he was in a new relationship.....

Of course i got mad and this is where i messed up i messaged him a very hateful message and i told him he needed to get his things that he left at my house.

so he called me that day and told me that if our conversation the day before had gone differently that he would not be with his current girlfriend.

so i packed up his things and asked one of my friends to leave them at his house.

He called me once again and asked me if we could see each other that night.

I told him he had no reason to see me and if he needed someone to talk to he needed to called his girlfriend and talk to her, not me.

so that was the very last time i talked to him and i can't help but think about him and his new girlfriend.

it makes me so mad to think about the four years we spent together and i had enough respect to not date anyone but he went off the minute he knew we werent getting back together to find someone new.

i feel like i was never important to him..

dont get me wrong i dont want to be with him but when i think of the past knowing he is with someone else so soon it hurts.. and i think he is just with her to make me feel bad and is not with her for the right reasons..

How can i get through this? i dont want to be with him but how can i get over this break up and move on with my life?

View related questions: a break, broke up, facebook, move on

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A female reader, Confused288 United Kingdom +, writes (28 December 2012):

You didnt say the reason why you broke up in the first place if it was a definite dealbreaker then you shouldnt be looking at his facebook as you will never move on and you are torturing yourself.

If you think you actually could get back together he seems willing to talk. If you do want to get back together you should talk to him..but if not delete all contact!!!

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (28 December 2012):

janniepeg agony auntHe didn't like to be rejected so he was doing every little thing to get your attention but you fell for it. Arguing some more is one of the ways to keep in touch, and both of you kept in touch because you wanted to feel important. You get over a relationship after you calm down and have no possessions of each other where you live. Pictures, clothes, furniture. Then you block each other on cell phone, unfriend each other on facebook then stick to the promise not to spy on the exes' accounts.

I am broken up also but I secretly hope that my ex starts to date soon so it frees up my life. It will give me more reason to stop thinking about him. When people break up they always apply meaning to the past relationship so they know what to expect in the next relationship. That just delays the healing process. You said you don't feel important and that's exactly what your ex wants you to feel, just to be spiteful. What's done is done. Focus on yourself and make some new year's resolutions.

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