A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it worth trying again. I split up with the father of my 2 children several months ago. He left as I asked him to. There were commitment issues. He didn't.want to be tied down by us. Our relationship had become.stale and we were rarely intimate. He said.some.nasty hurtful things and I knew I had to let him go. Anyway he bought a apartment and now lives alone having our kids every other weekend. Recently he says he misses us all and still loves me. However he has never really ever shown me much love and.often felt like a convenience. I'm unsure if I want to invest anymore of my life in this as I'm 37. I spent 8 yrs on/ off waiting for us to be a family, then when we were it went pair shaped. He doesn't understand when I tell him I don't want a friends with benefits relationship. He can't see why.not, suggests that we cud still hang out at each others places and go out as a family. This is unsettling me as I do still care. But how do I get.him to understand how I feel and take me seriously..
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friend with benefits, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (10 June 2012):
if he doesnt understand now he never will... unless you simply stop giving him sex and ignore him completely every time he treats you less than respectfully, YOU have to change this
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (1 June 2012):
 Why is it so important to you that he understand how you feel? As long as YOU care and set limits for what you will and won't do, what difference does it make what someone else thinks about it?
He won't take your refusal as a final answer as long as you keep negotiating with him. Talking, explaining and reasoning with are all forms of negotiation. It keeps the line of communication open. You get him to take you seriously by NOT talking about it anymore.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 YOU have NO OBLIGATION to "get him to understand." You need only delineate for him just how you feel, and how you will handle matters relative to him and your (joint) kids... (AND, that you will NOT take part in a "FWB" arrangement)....and leave it at that....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 May 2012):
 Just say NO
and keep saying NO
NO
NO
NO
eventually he will get the message.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 May 2012):
 The post you wrote...you need to copy it out in one inch letters and put it on your wall...you need to read it every day like a mantra because it sums up exactly what you need to remind yourself of every day to avoid making a very huge mistake.
How do you get him to take you seriously??
BE SERIOUS!!!
You send him a copy of this, staple it to his front door if you have to and then you put measures in place so you do not have to see him or speak to him other than anything to do with the kids.
He sees you as weak, so he will continue to keep on and on until you cave in...like the terminator...he won't ever give up...until you get very tough and very serious and very direct!!
If you really want this to stop, you will find a way.
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