A
female
age
41-50,
*K8833
writes:My husband and I have been married for 3 years, and we dated beforehand for 6. It hasn't been an easy road and it's been filled with emotional abuse and at times it borders on physical abuse. We have also had our good times and I do love him, but I am at a loss at what to do. About 2 months ago I asked him why we never have sex anymore and when we do why do I always have to be the one who initiates sex. He said it was because I have changed since we got married and he was no longer attracted to me. I have gained weight since our wedding day, about 25 lbs so now I am 180 lbs and I am 5'10, so I am not morbidly obese or anything. I have been on medications that have caused the weight gain. I watch what I eat and workout at least 3 times a week so it's not like I am not trying. Also my weight fluctuated when we were dating depending on what medicine I was on, so this isn't new.About 3 weeks ago, I found on the computer where my husband has been looking at personal ads for casual encounters, pornography, an affair website, and at escorts online. I have been monitoring his computer habits and this is a daily sometimes multiple times a day occurrence. I think he has a problem. If it was just porn that would be one thing and if it wasn't taking my place in the bedroom I probably wouldn't be as upset about it. But its not just porn and when I think about the personal ads, affair sites, and escorts sites I am just livid. No wonder he doesn't find me attractive anymore, I can't compete with the fantasy world of porn and escorts. I haven't confronted him yet, and plan on doing it next week. My question is am I overreacting? I am so mad at him and coupled with all the other problems I don't think this marriage is worth salvaging. Any thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): dear lady,
A very nice fella,a friend of the familys so we new eachother in are teenage years,in your twentys we started to date,there was no sex before we married,then sex for approx 1month when we did,after over two years of fighting,i then went to a doctor,now he was not gay,where it was only then discoverd that he had a mental problem to sex,witch was all explained to me,he new from back in his teenage years there was something wrong with him,a he spent all his time with me doing his best to hide it,when i found out he wouldent go for help,with no children involed while it was so very very sad to have to do so we did part that was in the 80s and ive never looked back since,wishing you the best
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 October 2010):
You should have ended this relationship years ago, and I think you know it. This is just awful. The few good times do not make up for the emotional and physical abuse, the cheating etc.
For your own sake, make a break and just get away from him.
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