A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my husband are planning to try for a baby after our honeymoon in 7 months time but I worry my husband isn't prepared for what it entails. Whenever we talk about it he seems blase like yeah it'll work itself out! I am a child of ten in my family so have seen baby raising and I know it isn't easy. but my partner seems clueless. Like recently his cousin's wife gave birth and 3 days after his family said the couple were tired because the baby cries all night, and my partner was genuinely surprised that babies wake up at night! he thought newborns sleep through! in my country we advertise the hardships of childrearing less so i undertsnad.I say that he needs to understand this and ask him would he help in the night he says yes if u pump but i say pumping is not like milking the cow it's not perfect solution etc. then on economic ways he is also head in the sand. I have tried to research as much as i can about everything in pregnancy labour and raising though i know it's not always something easy to have plans of.I would like to hear from some fathers (or mothers) about what most surprised them when they had baby to warn him, and teach him to prerpare, am tired of his it will be fun attitude!!
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 June 2014):
 There are many BABY and DAD books out there.
I would find a couple of them and give them to him.
http://www.amazon.com/Expect-Expanding-Month---Month-Father--ebook/dp/B007SNTUVC/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1402932539&sr=1-4&keywords=what+to+expect
http://www.amazon.com/Be-Prepared-Gary-Greenberg/dp/0743251547/ref=tmm_pap_title_0
http://www.amazon.com/The-Baby-Owners-Manual-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978/ref=pd_sim_b_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=1S9H3AQ3XZWTBK3508BB
And ask him to come to the appointments when you DO gt pregnant so he can be part of the WHOLe process.
EVERYONE (more or less) think it's easier then it really is. I know speaking from my own experiences. I started out with a hard baby, who had colic and cried A LOT. I don't think you can prepare for that. You can't prepare for not getting enough sleep and so forth. BUT you can read a few book and get some ideas, tips and advice.
A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (16 June 2014):
 I'm pregnant and I'm convinced my husband still doesn't understand the impact it will have. My sister-in-law had a baby a couple months ago and while we visited a couple of times he still doesn't seem to get it.
I really don't think anything can prepare them for a baby if they have no experience. However I love my husband and trust him. While it may be a shock to him I'm sure he'll step up when I need him too.
What helps me too is that I will have either my Mom or my Mother-in-law to help me for the first couple of weeks.
How long have you been with your husband? Did you just get married?
I wouldn't stress too much on trying to make him understand. It's like trying to tell someone what swimming feels like when they never been in water.
Just let him know that regardless of what he thinks it might be like; it will be full of surprises and you'll need him 24/7.
Classes and books might help too.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (16 June 2014):
You are right…raising a child in not easy, but it can be fun and exciting. I love being a dad. But you are also going about this the wrong way.
There no books, research, or medical studies for YOUR child. Every child is unique. There are no studies to help you with how having YOUR child will affect you. Some people can’t wait to have a child, and when the baby gets here…not so much anymore. Some are terrified of having kids, and then love the idea once the baby comes and can’t see themselves without kids.
Your husband is right on one point…it will work itself out… if both of you are on the same level. Kids do not screw up their lives; their parents do that for them…how? By arguments, divorce, anger, lack of discipline, and not preparing them for the world.
Example… When my son was 5 years old…Daddy can I have this candy? No, you already had one. Leaves the room and goes to mommy. Ask the same question, she says yes. He comes back eating the candy…I get upset; she says she didn’t know I said no. So what do you do then? Next time he asks for a candy, I go to my wife and tell her I gave him a candy, and he is not to have any more for the rest of the day. When he pulls his little trick again…She says no, then he loses a toy he likes because he is trying to get his own way. “No” from one parent should be enough. The child should not be going behind your back to the other parent to get what they want. There are no medical books to teach you that.
Most parents have had vicious arguments over their kids playing both sides. The parents fight because of their child’s actions, and they turn around and hate their parents for fight all the time.
You and your husband must be on the same level as much as possible. It’s a team effort.
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